Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
Dear Rob,
"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.
I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].
Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.
You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.
If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.
God Bless You and have a great week,
Please notify me via FReepmail if you would like to be added to or taken off the Prayer Ping List.
Please post your prayers to RobFromGa;
Please add me to the Prayer Ping List. This thread hits close to home.
Thank You,
-Jeff
May she rest in peace now.My prayers to you and your family.
Fake it until you make it. Sometimes, when we finally get sober , We try to run after recovery and we cannot walk. Patience is just one of those thing God will give you a chance to practice.Acceptance is another one I had fun with.Stay sober, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and the promises do come. Learning about my disease helped me to get through all the changes physically that first year.
You have FReepmail.
Thank you. Received in good order!
I am sorry for your loss of your sister to this horrible poison, and for the pain that it has brought into you and your family's life. I hope that your sharing of this tragedy can help someone out there in need to make a decision to quit before it is too late. Thanks for thinking of all of those who suffer when you chose to share this story.
Rob
My mother quit drinkning in '95. She has been on anti-depressants ever since. I wish it weren't so, but I still like "this" mom over "drunk mom."
The drinker must want to quit for their own reasons, and the only help that others can provide is to help them to recognize that their addiction is causing concern and pain to those who love them.
Besides this, the only other help that outsiders can provide is to provide a role model proving that quitting is indeed possible, and that life can be good and complete without demon alcohol. That is the role of people like those on these threads who witness about quitting.
Rob
Prayers sent for Steve. My husband died
from drinking in 1993. Our son was only 8 then and he will never forget that experience.He can't stand to be around anyone drinking.
Steve,
You and your family are and will be in my prayers.
Alcoholism is an awful dis-ease and a horrific way to die. Your sister's story is important as is yours about the affects her alcoholism had on you and your family.
For those of us who have been affected by another's drinking, AlAnon can be a wonderful help in healing the lingering pain, agony and suffering.
Sally
Sincerest condolences. May God Rest her Soul and keep you in his Grace and Comfort.
My dad suffered a long time from the effects of Alcholism and eventually succumbed to it's ravaging grip.. I can understand what you must be going through. Being an alcoholic myself, I almost tipped over during that period but for the Grace of God and AA I didn't fall.
Your story will help someone, and it will help you by talking about it. It helped me, as I can never be completely safe.
Thanks for posting.
Leni
FWIW, I'm very sorry for your troubles. You can take comfort in two things. You did all you could do for your sister; you were a comfort just by being there. And, relating this story will help others. I know this because it's helped me. This is my future if I choose to pick up another drink.
Unfortunately, jails, institutions and death are the universal outcomes for active alcoholics.
Prayers for your complete recovery. May God bless you with peace and serenity.
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
As I observe this statement, my spiritual teaching points me in two directions: "I'm even too ashamed to pray..."We always need to pray when we are ashamed, that's what God wants us to do.
Pray for God's forgiveness and ask always for strength to stand up to temptations - God didn't give us those, they come from the Adversary and are strong but God is stronger and can help us to overcome.
Besides, as Christians, the blood of Christ at the cross has already washed us clean of sin, past, present and future but we must always pray to God and confess our sins continually ask for forgiveness and ask for His strength to face strong temptations.
"I know that I am the problem."Actually, that is true but read, study and learn about God in the bible, wherein He tells us that we are all sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, our earthly ancestors, whose original sin covered us all. They didn't come up with sin on their own, that old Adversary, who is always at war with God, lured them into sin because God gave them the right to decide good or evil.
Yes, God does know that you are a sinner (as we all are) but He is on your side, He is in your corner wanting you to choose good choices over bad ones -- but He is always there for you. No matter what you have done or how long you have been making bad choices, turn to the One who made you "in His own image;" the One who "Has plans for you, plans for good and not for evil;" the One who "gives you life and wants to give it abundantly....."
Uplifting post, I enjoyed it very much.
Thanks.
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