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Case of the Hovering Parents
The Boston Globe ^ | August 20, 2005 | Sarah Schweitzer

Posted on 08/20/2005 2:28:58 PM PDT by MississippiMan

Parents have long suffered the pangs of separation when a child ventures out of the nest and onto a college campus. But college and university administrators say that parental overinvolvement, from overcalling a student to overcontacting administrators, has become a pressing issue. Schools have even adopted measures to keep parents from intervening unnecessarily.

(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: college; control; education; highereducation; indoctrination; liberal; parenting
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To: MississippiMan

West Point Cadet Douglas MacArthur and his mother, Mary Pinkney Hardy MacArthur. His father, Maj. Gen. Arthur MacArthur, soon to become the army’s highest-ranking officer, remained in the Philippines when his son entered West Point in 1899. His mother, however, took up a two-year residence in the West Point Hotel, rejoining her husband upon his return from the Philippines in 1901.

21 posted on 08/20/2005 4:42:09 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack (Que me amat, amet et canem meum.)
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To: saquin

Great point, my thoughts, too. My boys just finished 7th grade and I don't check assignments. That is THEIR job. I guess if they had problems, I'd be more involved, but heck, they have to take responsibility, right?


22 posted on 08/20/2005 4:59:21 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: pa mom
I think the best way for them to become conservatives is to hear all the drivel from the professors. Only by hearing both sides can they know for sure they were raised right!

The best thing my child ever did was spend a semester at UC Berkeley. One semester was enough. I'm glad I didn't try to stop him.

23 posted on 08/20/2005 5:03:10 PM PDT by Nita Nupress
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To: Sonny M
This is remindful of a great sequence that one of the cable channels had on last week - of USMC Boot Camp.

Interviewing the Drill Instructor, it came out that training platoons now have websites and the DI's spend some evening time exchanging e-mails with parents....

Times have changed just an itty bit since I was a Boot in 1966...

24 posted on 08/20/2005 5:03:53 PM PDT by ErnBatavia
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To: cajungirl

Most of the schools we've been looking at (yes, Ivies and NE liberal institutions) have substance free dorms. I personally think, however, it's good for kids to know what goes on so that their own choices look wise in comparison. And drugs and drinking? They were exposed to those in HS and hopefully learned how to deal with it then.

College students need to learn how to demand respect from roommates and they cannot do that if mom and dad call the dean.


25 posted on 08/20/2005 5:05:51 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: NavySEAL F-16

Did he have to call every day for all four years? Or just in the beginning?


26 posted on 08/20/2005 5:06:53 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: Sonny M

The students should be dealing with problems that come up, not the parents.


27 posted on 08/20/2005 5:08:05 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: MississippiMan


A very good book about the college life of a new freshman is by Tom Wolfe "I Am Charlotte Simmons". No wonder parents hover.


28 posted on 08/20/2005 5:09:16 PM PDT by agite rem mente
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To: Nita Nupress

See, it works every time! ;)


29 posted on 08/20/2005 5:09:24 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: MississippiMan
Anyone else sense a severe dislike of plain old close family ties "hovering" just beneath the surface here?

Yes, without a doubt. You hear buzz words like 'expanding their horizons' and 'your child needs to establish his place in his school 'family''. In other words, butt out. But send the checks on time. It used to be about education. Period.

I watched 'Bullitt' recently and there is a scene where Bullitt's police chief boss is going to Church on a Sunday with his wife and kids. The older boy is asked how college is. That's right, he attended college, lived at home and went to church on Sunday with the folks. I realize it's a movie, but for many that was how it was done. Scandalous! (Of course, then there's Animal House..)

30 posted on 08/20/2005 5:37:08 PM PDT by fortunecookie
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To: Gunrunner2
To colleges and universities, parents are only check-writing machines.

And for some, not even that. Thanks to new laws, like the Patriot Act, parents need permission from their college student to have access to financial and grade information. Students can 'emancipate' themselves, take out their own loans, and the school will happily house and employ them for the summer and holidays. They don't want to just educate anymore, they want your kid to be part of the 'family', the new family, the one they'll remember and give money to in years to come, instill their values, and tell them what to do and think. I think it's all about the money.

31 posted on 08/20/2005 5:42:03 PM PDT by fortunecookie
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To: fortunecookie

Well, well, well, well, well before the Patriot Act colleges and universities would not allow parents access to student grades or other info related to school.

They want your money but they don't want to tell you what they are up to or what your child/young adult is up to.


32 posted on 08/20/2005 5:45:48 PM PDT by Gunrunner2
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To: pa mom

Calling to let your family know that you are all right is one that shows respect and eliminates needless worry.

It's something that he grew up with since I travel a lot, I always called home every day to touch base. And, yes, in the days before cell phones it was very expensive. I was probably one of the original AT&t One Rate customers!

It's basically a lifestyle decision. Amazingly enough, he wasn't the only one at his Ivy League school that called home every day. Most of those kids have great relationships with their parents.

Very refreshing.




33 posted on 08/20/2005 6:14:53 PM PDT by NavySEAL F-16 (Proud to be a Reagan Republican)
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To: NavySEAL F-16

Wow.


34 posted on 08/20/2005 6:29:48 PM PDT by pa mom
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To: Gunrunner2
Well, I'm not blaming the Patriot Act, but I've heard it used as an excuse for the secrecy. I'm sure you're right, that 'privacy' has existed at least at some schools, but I do know that my sisters and I did not have that kind of privacy, in regards to grades or the bill. It just seems increased now.

They want your money but they don't want to tell you what they are up to or what your child/young adult is up to.

It's really kind of strange. As long as parents keep the money flowing.

35 posted on 08/20/2005 7:09:52 PM PDT by fortunecookie
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To: fortunecookie
My son entered university in 2000, and back then the law was parents had no right to a child's grades. Privacy and all that.

Anyway, enough of that.

Last post.
36 posted on 08/20/2005 7:39:49 PM PDT by Gunrunner2
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To: pa mom

Sounds good but have you worked on a university campus?


37 posted on 08/20/2005 7:48:58 PM PDT by cajungirl (no)
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To: pa mom
The students should be dealing with problems that come up, not the parents.

Thats pretty much the view of every single college administrator, and RA and RD you will ever find.

38 posted on 08/20/2005 8:13:59 PM PDT by Sonny M ("oderint dum metuant")
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To: ErnBatavia
When I was in college, I would have been embarrassed to have "mommy and daddy" getting involved with my college, calling folks up, etc.

One of the things that used irk pledgemasters were dealing the parents of pledges, it felt like you had to hold the parents hands.

Whatever happened to cutting the apron strings and letting the kids grow up and deal with their own problems...instead the kids act like toddlers and the parents smother the hell out of them.

39 posted on 08/20/2005 8:17:57 PM PDT by Sonny M ("oderint dum metuant")
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To: pa mom
Most of the schools we've been looking at (yes, Ivies and NE liberal institutions) have substance free dorms.

Don't kid yourself, pa mom. There's no such thing as a substance free dorm on a college campus.

We were at a block party and one of the neighbors was talking about their search for colleges. They were looking at schools for her son and she said she liked Penn State because they always have an alternative "quiet activity", like a movie on Friday and Saturday nights for kids who don't want to drink.

My adult son piped up, oh yeah, they had that when I was in college too. We'd see the movie BEFORE we'd go out drinking.

I do agree parents need to let their kids grow up, but unless the kid's paying his own way, his parents have every right to tell the dean to go to hell. I personally believe that the liberals (at Boston College and Georgetown) got a hold of our two daughters in college and nearly ruined them. It took years to get their heads back on straight. Thankfully, now, they're conservative, morally straight, wives and mothers. But I wish we'd been more involved - I would have told those Jesuits a thing or two before I pulled my daughters' butts outtathere. We could have avoided those awful feminazi years.

40 posted on 08/21/2005 4:33:42 AM PDT by old and tired
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