LOL
I have a much better ways with dealing with both:
Snail Mail:
If junk snail mail it immediately goes into a trash can,
Most times, if I am in a bad mood I will put junk mail in their return envelope and mail it back to them..
Phone calls:
They can listen to what I listen to. Simply place the phone receiver close to the radio or TV. Then they can listen to Rush, Sean or maybe even Judge Judy
Main thing is to keep them wasting their money.......
I use to put the phone in front of my guitar amp and turn it up REALLY loud and play something grungy....
We now have a studio and my amp is no longer in the house...maybe I need this as an excuse to buy that new Fender amp I've been eyeing...
hehehehe
Junk mail....I wait until I get two, switch contents, send it on its merry way. Keeps the Post Office busy.
I hand the phone to our 4 year old.