[Radix]

"My water pipes are frozen solid. :("

You have to get them shielded from the cold air. Insulation works. I had problems for years with frozen pipes in my old home. Finally I opened up my attic and discovered that the insulation had simply fallen away (skimpy contractors back in the 1960s), and the fix took me all of a minute.

[Graymatter]

You had water pipes in your attic? Cool...... :)