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To: quidnunc
From "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" ....

INT. VIKING HOUSE - DAY
CLOSE ON a cute little bunny rabbit. As a body sweeps past, scooping it
up, we pull back and reveal that we're in a Viking cottage, circa late 9th
century.
SUBTITLE: Sjornjost, 880
Anya (who, at this point in her life, is called. "Aud") breezes through
the room happily. She's dressed in full Viking regalia; leather, fur,
braids.
The cottage itself is very quaint: wood walls, dining table, chairs,
kitchen-type area, large bed covered in furs.
Twelve bunnies bound around on the floor. Anya nuzzles the one she's
holding and sets it down with the others. She goes about her business,
cheerfully preparing the table.
Through the front door bursts OLAF (the human version.) He carries a large
battle axe which, like the furs he wears, is stained with a black,
blood-like substance.
[NOTE: for the duration of this scene, the actors will be speaking
Swedish. Their dialogue will be dubbed over (badly) by the actors in
English.]
OLAF
(Swedish)
Aud! Rara, vackra Aud!
Jag är så hungrig så jag
skulle kunna ata upp ett
litet barn! OLAF
(English)
Aud! Sweet, beautiful Aud!
I am so hungry I could eat
a small child!

Anya runs to him, helps him set down his axe.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Olaf! Är du skadad? Du
luktar blod och musk. ANYA
(English)
Olaf! Are you injured?
You smell of blood and musk.

He laughs heartily.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Frukta inte! Det krävz mer
än en skara mindre troll
för att få ner stora Olaf!OLAF
(English)
Fear not! It takes more
than a band of minor trolls
to bring down the mighty Olaf!
ANYA
(Swedish)
Troll!ANYA
(English)
Trolls!
OLAF
(Swedish)
Åh! De är verkligen
vrickade kreatur. Blotta
tanken får mej att gå på
knäna.OLAF
(English)
Oh! They are wretched
creatures indeed. The mere
thought of them makes me
bend at the knee and flex.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Sitt ner kära du. Låt mej
passa upp dej lite.
ANYA
(English)
Sweetheart, please, sit
down. Allow me to tend to
you.

He waves her off, but sits anyway.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Jag år ok. Verkligen.
Fast jag tar gårna lite
mjöd.OLAF
(English)
I am fine. Really. I
could go for some mead,
though.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Ska bli. ANYA
(English)
Certainly.

She hurries to the kitchen and pours mead from a jug into an oversized
mug. Olaf looks around at the rabbits on the floor.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Fantiserar jag, eller är
det riktigt att vi har
otroligt många fler kaniner
här inne idag?OLAF
(English)
Is it my imagination, or do
we have substantially more
rabbits in the house today?
ANYA
(Swedish)
Åh, de förökar sig så
snabbt att det är -- ANYA
(English)
Oh, they breed so quickly
that it's --

Olaf leaps to his feet.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Allt detta snack om
förökning får mej att vilja
själv! OLAF
(English)
All this talk of breeding
makes me want to breed!

Anya hurries to him, hands him his mug.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Älskling, självklart. Men
här -- drick din mjod först.ANYA
(English)
Honey, of course. But
here -- drink your mead
first.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Åh, ja. Mjod. OLAF
(English)
Ah, yes. Mead.

He sits back down. She checks him over.
ANYA
(Swedish)



ANYA
(English)
Did the trolls hurt you?
Their mossy skin does not
reflect their churlish
heart.
OLAF
(Swedish; laughing)
Jag mår toppen -- Snälla,
sluta gräma dej över mej.
Beråtta om din dag.OLAF
(English; laughing)
I am fine -- Please, stop
fretting over me. Tell me
of your day.
ANYA
(Swedish; bright)
Å! Jag tvättade alla dina
tunikor från slaget vid
Asgoth, Jag smidde två
hammare och ett litet svärd
till dej och så lärde jag
mej ett nytt recept på ox-
goblin som jag tror du
kommer att gilla. ANYA
(English; bright)
Okay! Well, I was able to
get all your tunics from
the battle of Asgoth
cleaned, I smelted you two
hammers and a small sword
and I learned a new recipe
for ox-goblin that I think
you'll enjoy.

At this point, the live-Olaf happily says several words, but on the
dubtrack we hear only:
OLAF
(Swedish)
Mmmmmm...OLAF
(English)
Mmmmmm...
ANYA
(Swedish)
Och den snabba tillväxten
av dina kaniner --
ålskling, sitt ner -- har
gett mej en idé. Jag
skulle kunna ge Överskottet
till folket I stan, inte I
utbyte mot gods eller
service, men för gott rykte
och känslan av utförande
som kommer från
osjälviskheten att ge till
andra. ANYA
(English)
And the rapid reproductive
rate of our rabbits --
honey, sit down -- has
given me an idea. I can
give the excess out to the
townspeople, exchanging
them not for goods or
services but for goodwill
and the sense of
accomplishment that stems
from selflessly giving of
yourself to others.

Live-Olaf laughs heartily. The laughing on the dubtrack stops long. before
he is through.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Kära Aud! Din logik år
vansinnig och impulsiv, som
ett trolls. Inte så
konstigt att barägarna
pratar om dej. OLAF
(English)
Sweet Aud! Your logic is
insane and happenstance,
like that of a troll. It
is no wonder the bar
matrons talk of you.

Anya's face falls.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Du har varit på krogen...ANYA
(English)
You've been to the bar...
OLAF
(Swedish)

OLAF
(English)
Oh, Aud. Forget it and
please me now.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Jag tycker inte om att du
går dit.ANYA
(English)
I do not like you going
there.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Det är inte mitt fel att de
inte år vänliga mot dej.
Du har alltid varit
aggressiv för att du inte
går ihop med folk. Du
säger vad du tycker och är
mest besvärande.
(he smiles)
Det är en av egenskaperna
jag älskar mest hos dej.OLAF
(English)
It is not my fault they
don't take kindly to you.
You've always been most
aggressive in your not-
fitting-in with people.
You speak your mind, and
are annoying.
(he smiles)
It's one of the things I
love most about you.
ANYA
(Swedish)
Var Rannveig there?ANYA
(English)
Was Rennveig there?
OLAF
(Swedish)
Ahh! Jag har sagt
tusentals gånger att jag
inte har något intresse av
denna Rannveig. Hennes
höfter är stora och
kraftiga, som en Baltisk
kvinna. OLAF
(English)
Bah! I've told you a
thousand times: I have no
interest in this Rannveig.
Her hips are large and load-
bearing, like a Baltic
woman.

He pulls her over to him happily.
OLAF
(Swedish)
Du är mycket mer min smak.
Dina höfter är små, som en
Baltisk kvinna från en
något mer ofruktbar region. OLAF
(English)
You are much more to my
liking. Your hips are
small, like a Baltic woman
from a slightly more arid
region.


Act Two
EXT. VIKING VILLAGE - DAY
VIKING CHAOS. An ANGRY MOB of people runs all over the place, screaming,
in and out of frame. We're back in the 9th century, only now we're on the
streets of the village itself. A fev thatchwork Viking houses line the
streets.
We're able to make out some of the screams (though the villagers are
speaking Swedish and their screams are dubbed):
VILLAGER #1
(Swedish)
Ett troooooooolllll!VILLAGER #1
(English)
Troooooooolllll!
VILLAGER #2
(Swedish)
Det är det största troll
jag någonsin sett!VILLAGER #2
(English)
It's the largest troll I've
ever seen!
VILLAGER #3
(Swedish)
Spring! Göm era barn och
era pärlarbeten! VILLAGER #3
(English)
Run! Hide your babies and
your beadwork!

Into the frame bursts Olaf. He's been transformed into the troll we met in
"Triangle." He carries his giant HAMMER (also from "Triangle") He's
crazed, confused and angry. He's also badly dubbed.
OLAF
(Swedish)
ARRRRGGGH! ARRRRRRR!
STANNA! DET ÄR OLAF! JAR
ÄR OLAF! OLAF
(English)
ARRRRGGGH! ARRRRRRR!
STOP! IT IS OLAF! I AM
OLAF!

We single out TWO VIKINGS from the mob:
VIKING #1
(Swedish)
Trollet gör en Olaf
personifiering!VIKING #1
(English)
The troll is doing an Olaf
impersonation!
VIKING #2
(Swedish)
Slå honom med frukt och
variationer av kött! VIKING #2
(English)
Hit him with fruits and
various meats!

A few BRAVE VILLAGERS rush forward and pelt Olaf with fruits and various
meats.
OLAF
(Swedish)
AHHHHHRRRRHHHH! OLAF
(English)
AHHHHHRRRRHHHH!
33 posted on 04/09/2004 8:40:59 PM PDT by Republican Party Reptile
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies ]


To: Republican Party Reptile
Slå honom med frukt och variationer av kött!

...and I was willing to tell you why Swedish chicken coups only have two doors, in stead of four...

37 posted on 04/09/2004 8:54:11 PM PDT by FreedomFarmer (In memory of FReeper Harpseal. Yorktown.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies ]

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