Spin, spin, spin. That is what the text says. Peter spoke of water baptism, as did Jesus. Snotty condescension is no replacement for the truth.
1 Peter 3:20b-22 In it [the ark] only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, 21and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also--not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge[5] of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand--with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.
Why clarify that baptism isn't simply the removal of dirt if Peter wasn't refering to water?
John 3:5 Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit."
Acts 22:16 And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.'
"Be baptized and wash your sins away", not "congratulations, brother Paul, God picked you, your sins were forgiven, now let's baptize you because, well, umm, I am not sure why."
I can take the text at what it says, because I am trying to please the living inspirer of the text, not a dead man.
Ummm, perhaps the Baptism that really counts has nothing to do with water. Perhaps the water is symbolic as Peter points out.
John 3:5 Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit."
This isn't even referring to Baptism at all. This is talking about regeneration by the Holy Spirit, which must happen before one believes. You have fallen in the same error about which Jesus chides Nicodemus.
Acts 22:16 And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.'
Considering your other errors, I don't expect you to understand what this is saying.