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All-or-nothing perfectionists: Those who point to one imprecisely classified fossil, and declare that it's all a confused mess.
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Ape Ancestry Revulsionists: "There ain't no ape in my family tree." or "I ain't no kin to no monkey nohow!"
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Battlestar Galactica Buffs: Those who insist that aliens in UFOs are a better explanation than evolution.
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Certainty Fetishists: Those who can't stand the way science grows in understanding, and revises its theories to accommodate new data, declaring: "The experts used to say that man is X years old, now they say he's X+Y years old; so they keep changing their minds and don't know anything!"
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Conspiracy Believers: Those who have heard about Piltdown Man, and who declare that all the evidence is fake (while refusing to admit that there are far more fraudulent clergymen than data-faking scientists).
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DNA Decoders: Those who believe the Deity has written a secret message in our DNA (which, although not yet decoded, provides proof that evolution is false).
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Gap artists: Those who actually see the evidence, but who point to the inevitable gaps, and claim that until all gaps are closed (an obvious impossibility), they will refuse to accept any of the evidence that lies between the gaps.
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Genesis Uber Alles: Self-explanatory category, and perhaps the most amazing of all. Flat-earthers in spirit, if not in fact.
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Jehovah's Disrupters: Those who imagine that God wants them to spam, insult, act-up, flame, and otherwise disrupt these threads.
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Just-Don't-Get-It-Gang: Those who were intellectually abused as children, and who now demand: "Show me a dog that changes into a goldfish, and maybe then I'll accept evolution."
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My-Cult-Is-Better-Than-Your-Cult Fanatics: Those who insist that that what they call Darwinism is some kind of Satanic cult (revealing that they have no concept of the nature of science).
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Platonists: Those who can't accept evolution because they insist that there is a mystical dimension to the universe, and fear that evolution is some evil plot to deny this elusive domain of existence.
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Road-To-Hell Rejectionists: Those who see the evidence, but reject it because of an irrational belief that it leads to fascism, socialism, teen pregnancy, the heartbreak of psoriasis, etc.
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Stealth-ies: Those who deny evolution as ardently as any creationist, and who endlessly demand that evolution be defended, yet who swear "I'm not a creationist," no matter how obvious it is that they are, and who refuse to explain their own beliefs (because they're creationists-in-the-closet).
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Subjunctive Junkies: Those who leap upon standard phrases in scientific papers such as " ... the data would seem to indicate .." and exclaim: "See there! He admits he's just guessing!"
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Total-Blankout Boys: Those who simply go blank when the evidence is presented, and deny that any of it exists.
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Undistributed Middle Fallacists: Those who believe that (a) most atheists are Darwinists, therefore (b) disproving Darwin=proof of Christianity. What these folks don't realize is that (1) evolution is compatible with everything but the most hyper-literal fundamentalist reading of the Bible, and (2) even if evolution were disproved and Intelligent Design could be proven, that would not prove the truth of Christianity, as the intelligent designer could be the impersonal God of the Deists -- or Zeus or Vishnu or Ahura Mazda or Moloch.
