Vanity:MY DAD WAS PUT IN THE HOME TODAY. ALZHIEMERS DISEASE. EARLIER THAN ANTICIPATED

self ^ | 10/19/01 | RaceBannon

[RaceBannon]

Many of us ask for prayer at different times. I admit, I havent always bumped these threads, nor have I always read those who bumped them to me. For that I am sorry. Tonight I must ask for prayer for my family and especially my Mom. My Dad was put in the home today for his Alzhiemers disease.

[Havisham]

My grandmother's mind fell apart too. She suffered for six years and died at age 90. I learned afterward that she may have been suffering from thyroid hormone deficiency. I am now on thryroid supplementation to prevent the Alzheimer's. Go to http://thyroid.about.com/library/weekly/aa092299.htm and read what John Dommisse, MD has to say about Alzheimer's and even mild hypothyroidism.

[homeschool mama]

**The last real contact I had with her, after her speech and mobility were shot, was when she grabbed my finger, looked in my eyes, and her bloodshot eyes started to tear.**

Her eyes and heart spoke what her mouth wasn't able to. How precious you experienced that, SP. You're truly blessed.

[Iowa Granny]

Offering up prayers for your mom, your dad, your sisters, and of course for you,,, our Valient, Stud Muffin Freeper.

[bluesagewoman]

Amen flaglady47, you articulated the caregiver problems well. And, you pointed out the dignity of the Alzheimer's patient. Thanks. Racebannon, listen to this person, they know of what they speak.

[onyx]

Dear Race, It's harder on the family than the afflicted. Please remember that. Be strong for your mom. Write to Nancy Reagan and call Mike Reagan. They will answer you. My prayers will include you and your family, I promise.

[pattycake]

Race I am in tears for you and your family and I will pray for you and your family. You do not know how much my heart hurts. Thank you for coming forward with this heart felt news. Thanks for sharing.

[Havisham]

If you don't know what to pray for, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, just say from the bottom of your heart, God help me, help Mom. He will.

[brat]

Prayer bump for all of you!

[pattycake]

Please bump this thread, Race our hearts are with you

[lara]

Your entire family is in my prayers.

[ArneFufkin]

My prayer is for your family, but especially you Race. The dynamic between fathers and sons is very complex, and it will be difficult for you to watch a man whose strength and power you've patterned and admired fade slowly away. It's a surreal role reversal, and it is especially tough for sons and fathers. I went through it myself - it's a bitch, believe me. All you can do is make sure that he is treated with the dignity and respect he would have demanded in his prime. Don't let him become an icon of pity and lament for his relatives and friends. If he would not have wanted his friends and siblings to see him in any particular condition, don't let them flock to see him in that condition. Period. Older people use dying friends and family as a rallying point - but they are really trying to process their own fears and the insecurities of their mortality. They often try to use the affliction as a way to repair the status of their relationships with other siblings. Protect him from becoming that resource. Everything you do should be based around the thought ... what would he think about this if he knew? You'll have done him honor by allowing him to end his life, whatever the timeframe or process, with the pride and dignity he lived it. Let him be a proud man. Be tough for him, you may alienate some extended relatives, but this is about his needs and wants. If you're not up to seeing him on a particular day, don't go. No guilt allowed. Don't lose yourself in the process of your Dad playing out his destiny. He wouldn't want that.

Ya hear?!! ;^)

[pattycake]

Race, I came on this thread to get all the new regarding the war from all news services, but your thread moved me the most. Keep the faith, help Mom, be there for Dad and always remember who they are. My parents are gone, but I keep photos of them on my mantle and when I want to pray or say something special, I look at the photo and say Mom and Dad guess what, this is the way it ought to be and you would approve. They will always be there for you no matter what.

[pattycake]

Plus this is not vanity, it is humanity.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Race - thank you for telling us about your dad and your heartache.....heartbreak. All the responses to you have been so very helpful and good. Here we face this with a loved one who has just been so diagnosed. (very early stages). Every day is a treasure. If possible, think of the past treasures with your dad - and when you do get to be with him now and with your mom - just treasure each of those moments also. Very glad you have siblings to help out now also in going to see him and in seeing your mom. May God carry her and him and you and all your family through this time - (He will) - but the ache will remain - at least for awhile. Someone told me when I lost my mom to cancer to give my pain to God and He would give me the "balm of Gilead". I didn't believe them because I hurt too badly. It took five years to accomplish (maybe I am a tough case), but He did - He took that pain away and replaced it with His healing and comforting mercies and peace and, even, JOY when I remember my dear mother! Will pray for those mercies to reach your heart and your mom's and your siblings - soon.

[DeSoto]

My prayers and thoughts are with you. Alzheimers and other dementias are the cruelest diseases. My wife and I have lost 3 out of 4 of our parents and some dementia has played a part in each case. The last was less than a year ago and we narrowly avoided a nursing home. There were many tears shed over that possibility.

At this point, take care of your mom. Make her a needed part of your life. She needs a purpose to go on and knowing that her family loves and NEEDS her will give her that. Find jobs watching children, running errands, fixing dinner, or anything that you can think of to make her feel useful.

As for your dad, no matter how bad he gets, he will always understand hugs. Words and thoughts are unimportant. All that needs to be 'said' can be done with a hug.

May God's grace and mercy be showered on you and your family. May He bring His love and comfort into your lives. And when times are bad, know that there are always a lot of FReepers here to talk to and lend you their 'cyber' shoulders to cry on.

[JohnHuang2]

Heartfelt prayers on the way......

Please keep us posted.

[2Trievers]

JB

Make sure you visit your Dad often ... do it for yourself. Your Mom is tough, she will get through, call her everyday, when you cannot visit her as well. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

[StayoutdaBushesWay]

You've been added to our prayer list.
May God bring strength and peace to you and your family during this rough time in your life.

[ArneFufkin]

Race will see that his Mom is ok, but the truth is that the nature of a woman's strength and her relationship with her husband makes it easier for her to accept and internalize a caretaking role. Wives have long since seen and understood the human strengths and weaknesses of their mates. They've seen the best and worst, the confidence and the doubt. She's washed his soiled underwear, and she loves him still, you know what I mean? It's not the same with sons and fathers. Especially old school guys who never learned to show affection to their boys. So, it's important that Race has an outlet to figure this stuff out. It beats men down, because we don't ask for help and we have trouble accepting our inability to craft a plan to fix the situation. We're fixers by nature. There's no fix.

[gonzo]

My heart and our Prayers are with you, old friend. Our Mother passed two years ago, Bless her soul, and our Dad, at 89, is cognizant enough to realize that he has to rely on us now, and moved in with my sister, and he's eating better now.

ALZHIEMERS is tough, pal. My Fathers' Mother, my Grandmother, was stricken with it. That dear lady, who taught me how to play Euchre and gut-poker, when I was a kid, was a completely alien person, when she was sick.

I cried, when she called me horrible names.

It's tough, RaceBannon, but their brains just don't work right anymore, and we have to remember, they are still the same honourable people that taught you and me, to be Honourable Americans!

My heart is with you, my friend! Now, let's go kill those Motherfuckers!

Stay well and and vigilant, old friend....FRegards