Posted on 09/20/2019 7:55:37 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Despite our ever-greater mobility and even more efficient connectivity, sociologists continue to note that Americans struggle to form lasting, fulfilling relationships of all kinds, but especially marriages. We face a very real epidemic of loneliness, one that is, not coincidentally, accompanied by a steady decline in marriage.
According to Pew Research, marriage rates have fallen to historic lows over the last 30 years, especially among younger people. At the same time, the typical age at first marriage has climbed to a historic high.
Increasingly, Americans who are looking for love cant find it, at least not in the traditional ways. And so they are turning online. A new study by researchers at Johns Hopkins University reports that online dating has now replaced the church, family members, and mutual friends as the primary way American couples meet.
Now, in no way do I wish to knock online dating, per se. Many happily married Christian couples began their stories together via an online dating service. Id suggest online dating is filling a void left as traditional social institutions fail. At the same time, plummeting marriage rates and spiking loneliness rates indicate that even our best technologies will never fill the hole left as families, churches, and communities become less central to our life together.
The loss or decline of core social institutions in recent decades is well-documented. Just in my lifetime, extended family, youth clubs, civic organizations, and the church have all become less important to more people than ever before. This seismic social shift is a problem for many reasons, not least of which because these were places and means by which couples used to meet and connect. Its simply impossible to replace such timeless, local, and embodied ties with apps!
In fact, its not exaggerating that this is even a question of how the next generation will come into beingand what will play the central relational roles in their lives. After all, marriage is not a stand-alone institution. Its part of a social fabric thats tearing apart. As fewer couples get together and form strong marriages, the faster the tear grows, and the further apart people drift.
Writing at Quillette recently, Mary Eberstadt describes how the de-centering of marriage and family has resulted in and reinforced the explosion of sexual and gender identities. Increasingly, young people are forced to answer the basic human question who am I? without a mother and a father, without siblings, an extended family, a community, or a church body to help. So many are left only with a letter in an acronym or an adopted sense of historical grievance to center their identities.
No wonder, as Eberstadt describes in her new book Primal Screams, so many identities today are meager and fragile, and the movements built around them more and more unhinged.
Yet, this culture of identity and family crisis is also a tremendous opportunity for the church, one not without historical precedent. As Rodney Stark observes, one of the reasons early Christianity grew so rapidly in the second century was that Roman young men turned to the church to find eligible young women. The church was full of eligible young women because early Christians had faithfully rescued Roman girls from infanticide and raised them in their communities.
Years ago, I heard Maggie Gallagher suggest that it might be time for churches to get back to this kind of work. While we rescue babies from abortion in word and deed, perhaps we should also get serious about introducing singles to each other. Perhaps married Christian couples should, you know, meddle a bit more and host some matchmaking dinners?
While theres a universally repeated ring by spring joke across every Christian college campus, perhaps marriage opportunism is a good reason to encourage your son or daughter to attend one. Where else, other than working summer staff at a Christian camp, will young believers be surrounded by so many like-minded peers of the opposite sex? Having spent years watching this process in action, I promise it works.
The Body of Christ has a unique potential role to play in reversing the decline of marriage and the epidemic of loneliness. If we do, those looking for love may one day open the doors of a church instead of an app.
I met my husband through a church sponsored young adults group. The group was for the region so it drew on multiple parishes.
It still beats the corner bar.
Yes.
That was before so many churches became covers for queers and when congregants could be expected to behave somewhat morally.
I agree that, done right, these kinds of offerings promote Christian familial virtues and good morally based relationships in general.
The part about them believing Jesus is the Son of God must have gotten cut off at the bottom...
RE: No.
I am interested in reading your reasons as to why.
I, for one, would prefer to go on a “date” with someone the members of my church knew and respected. You can’t possibly know about the guy’s history or intentions from a dating site profile. Plus, dating website are less than helpful for women unless they are 25-45yrs old, beautiful, and look great in a bathing suit. There’s nothing quite like posting a profile and waiting days or weeks without a single response.
From the article:
It was the latest gathering of the Peter and Fevronia Club, a sort of speed-dating night for Moscow’s Orthodox Christians. Each Sunday, after the week’s final service at the 17th Century Dormition Church, Father Alesky Gomonov brings together the single men and women of his parish, and anyone else keen to join. As they chat over cucumber sandwiches and black tea, he dispenses relationship advice mixed with church teachings.
In 2007, they gave Gomonov a special gift: an icon depicting Peter and Fevronia, the Orthodox patron saints of marriage. He led a prayer in their honor that Sunday, and it became a weekly event. Eventually he began serving tea and snacks, and encouraging guests to communicate. The Peter and Fevronia Club was born.
The Peter and Fevronia Club may be the largest weekly gathering of Orthodox singles in Russia, but believers on the market aren’t short of resources to aid their search. Since the 2000s, there’s been a boom in dating sites tailored specifically to them, with names such as Alphabet of Fidelity, Seagull, and Fate.
They offer access to an exclusive community in exchange for heightened scrutiny and compliance with a strict code of conduct.
To register on Alphabet of Fidelity, one must fill out an electronic form consisting of 78 detailed questions about lifestyle choices, religious practices, and political views, ranging from “Would you consider a marriage without carnal knowledge?” to “What for you is the meaning of life?” Other questions relate to clothing style, views on gender and preferred speaking register. The question “How many children do you have?” offers a drop-down menu with options up to 69.
When I was in my late 40s, after my ex divorced me, I signed up for eHarmony for a 3-month membership on three different occasions. I got 7-10 “matches” per week.
Over that time I was “matched” with 18 women I already knew, including two I had dated previously. Some of those “matches” made some sense, but some were “no way in hell.”
I met my current wife through match.com. We also shared each other’s eHarmony profiles. I have been married to the love of my life now for over 9 years after being single for about 10 years. We have never had a real argument in the 10 years we’ve know each other. If something bugs one of us, us bring it up, discuss any misunderstanding, and that’s the end of it. We both have a significant health issue, but are more in love than ever before. I tell the guys in my Sunday morning Bible study that I never realized a marriage could be so peaceful. I can sense that some of them are envious.
My first secretary was the organist in her church. She told me there was a young lady there I should meet. I did and we’ve been married for 40 years.
If the church still taught proper morals and the benefits of marriage in a Christian context, it would have no need to think about a “dating service”.
Unfortunately, the church is doing a substandard job in evangelism, teaching morals and values that it needs to fix this before they can think about providing social services to “lonely” Christians.
Both of you must have been in the illiteracy ministry. :P
In truth,Christian single groups would have cordinators and rules that would keep out any trouble makers.
Not just only the young adults, but also those who are older, have been around the block,(older never married,divorced,or widowed).
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