Posted on 01/28/2011 1:02:37 PM PST by NYer
I read an article the other day about a Chinese mother called “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” (you can find the article at http://online.wsj.com). The article profiled the woman’s rigorous parenting style. I didn’t realize it was such a hot topic until I started seeing conversations about the article pop up on Facebook and other chat boards I belong to.
The article describes the mother forcing her children to spend hours practicing piano (with not even water, bathroom, or dinner breaks) until the child got the piece right. She says that anything less than an A would be completely unacceptable (and goes so far as to say that a Chinese child would never come home with less than an A). Most people were completely appalled by what they read.
While the mother’s parenting style does seem a bit extreme to me, I must admit that some of the ideas she has, if toned down, could be well used by parents in the Western World. For one thing, it seems that many of the parents I have come in contact with are a little afraid of their kids. They are afraid to damage their self esteem by telling them that they haven’t really done that well at something or asking them to try harder. This has resulted in the most self centered generation of kids we’ve had in a very long time or maybe ever. We have a bunch of kids that think they can’t do anything wrong. They blame anyone and everyone else if their grades aren’t up to par. These kids have had their self-esteem blown up to such proportions that the thought of taking responsibility for a failure rarely crosses their minds.
Many American parents are afraid to say “no” to their kids. They want them to “fit in” so they allow them to do things, watch things, and go places that maybe they aren’t comfortable with. Many parents are afraid to say “no” for fear that their child will “rebel,” whatever that means. I have yet to figure out (and I hope God doesn’t challenge me on this one) how it is a grown adult that is providing 100% for a child (even if that child is 18) can be afraid of rebellion. I mean the parents can take the phone, the computer, the TV, the iPod, the clothes, and stop driving the kids places. The parents are the ones with the power here. And while the Chinese mother used her power to force her daughter to learn a particularly difficult piano piece, American parents could stand to use that power to force their kids to take out the trash, fold a load of laundry or speak more respectfully.
1 Samuel 3:13 says “Parents who do not discipline their children will be held accountable by God” I need to make myself clear here. I don’t condone calling our children nasty names or blowing up at them for receiving an A-. I try to be an uplifting influence in my children’s lives. I do hold them to a high standard, though. I hold them to God’s standard (something not mentioned at all in the article on Chinese mothering). I feel that it is my calling to get them to Heaven, not for them to fit in at school, play perfect violin pieces, or even get perfect grades in school. I think what I took from this article was that this mother, for better or worse, values hard work above all else. She measures success by her children’s grades and, eventually, by their income as adults. While that is not how I measure success, I do have pretty strict standards for my children and myself. They know what our values are, what our goals and morals are, and that we won’t accept anything less.
I’m grateful that God is a bit more forgiving than the Chinese mother makes herself out to be, but with Heaven as the ultimate goal there’s no room for slacking off as parents. As seriously as this mother takes her child’s education is how seriously we should all take the care of our children’s souls and their final Destination.
Especially since an A is a lot easier to get than it used to be.
This lady gets it exactly right. Take the best of what other cultures offer but keep what works best in our’s.
Ping
Well, as long as you don’t make a life-long stutterer or bed-wetter. Chinese Mother is a fiend.
I’ve met many Chinese people in my business and they often have the brattiest kids. They’ve been “Americanized” so they have all the bling and toys. They’re smart and get excellent grades.
I know 3 sets of parents that have adopted Chinese girls and they’ve all turned them into spoiled brats. They get what they want and the word “no” is never uttered.
Chinese women may make excellent mothers.
So long as the government doesn’t force them to abort you.
Or they don’t abort you by their own choice because you’re female.
Or they don’t sell you into prostitution.
How sweet. She’s just like you, only prettier. Don’t bloggers ever get tired of going on about how much better they are than *somebody*?
Of course not. But you gotta admit american parents have reducing expectations over the past 50 years to unacceptable levels - we expect less of high school graduates today than what we expected of grade school grads a hundred years ago.
My mother forced me and my sister to practice piano pieces when we were 5 years old after school til we got it right or no supper.- This lasted for 8 years. My Mother is Irish.-
I can play classical piano and trumpet. Every one of my siblings can play an instrument. We all got A`s in school.
My cousins were also forced to practice piano and violin same way.
Their mother is Italian.
Did you ever have an Irish nun for catechism class?
Playing the piano and violin properly is an ART that requires not only discipline but TALENT. If the kid has no talent he/she should not be pursuing an instrument. The Chinese - because of their bizarre forcing of people to play instruments by rote - have created millions of very bad musicians - Lang Lang being the top example.
Isaac Stern made a film about this many years ago. He marvelled at the Chinese ability to do gymnastics but was horrified by their lack of musicality. Give me the South Korean pianists any day!
I know such Chinese Parents. The vast majority do what they do out of love. In most cases, they know first-hand hunger, privation and hardship. they know what happens to those who don’t prepare. They will also sacrifice and do anything for their children.
My father used to call my brothers and I “fairies” when we did unacceptable things. Was this verbal abuse? Unlike this Chinese mother, he didn’t expect 100% straight A’s, but he knew schooling (and work) was important, and we would face hell if he thought we weren’t trying or goofing off. He also smacked my brother when he “borrowed” (ie. stole) a car with his teenage friends. Was that abuse?
He also took a 2nd job to pay for us to go to a private high-school outside of our local public high school, which he felt had accepted the mores of the 70’s hippies a little too much. We sometimes didn’t see him during the week, because he was working 8 AM to Midnight. Its all about family.
I have no beef whatsoever with Ms. Chua and her parenting style.
AMY CHUA: “I'm using the term “Chinese mother” loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term “Western parents” loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.”
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html
My mother is Chinese and Catholic school in Shanghai is where she learned the ol’ brass ruler technique. I got pretty good grades until I took an AP math course in high school. It even stumped my parents.
Prior to summer vacation, they would call my elementary school teachers for reading assignments. What is amusing is the fact that years later I would be assigned the same books. Of course by that time, I could read between the lines a little better.
Man, you just struck a chord with me. I am SICK of bloggers, particularly women. Because no, they don't EVER get tired of it.
Ergo, an article with a lot of noise signifying nothing, not even a tune, since everything is pre-qualified to be equal and tone-deaf.
It’s not really women, lady, I think it’s youngish mothers. They truly are full of themselves.
Bingo! To survive in this world, one must be tough and able to survive under duress. Hunger and deprivation drive an individual to be resourceful. I am embarrassed to concur that many in the younger generation, my daughter included, tend to be very weak. They have no survival skills in times of disaster, much less the skills to get through a prolonged power outage.
More interestingly, is their physical weakness. I know several young adults (early 20's) who complain of back problems and/or weak knees. They know how to reheat pre-cooked meals in a microwave but lack the patience to prepare a meal from scratch. How would they survive if the power went out!
They will also sacrifice and do anything for their children.
This is the natural reaction of those who have known "want". While finances are good, they give, in hopes of preventing their children from having to endure the hardships they once knew. Bottom line is this does not work. It simply creates a generation of weak individuals. The strong prevail and it is only a matter of time before a stronger nation takes advantage of the weakened western societies. Perhaps that is what the Chinese president had in mind when he visited Obama last week.
Why do you call your own daughter “weak”? Typical motherly love.
Well, really, what kind of mentality do you have to have to think that everyone on the internet wants to know what you had for lunch and which direction you hang your toilet paper?
*Snicker*
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