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NFP — It Ain’t Your Momma’s Rhythm
CatholicExchange.com ^ | August 18th, 2008 | Mary Ellen Barrett

Posted on 01/26/2009 6:02:04 PM PST by Salvation

NFP — It Ain’t Your Momma’s Rhythm

August 18th, 2008 by Mary Ellen Barrett

“Are they all yours?”

I get asked that question at least twice a week these days.  It doesn’t bother me very much since I realize that having seven children makes me a bit unique by societal norms. I can’t imagine why anyone would think I would willingly take other people’s children with me to Costco or the dentist (I wouldn’t) but it’s one of those questions that pop out of people’s mouths when they see me and my tribe out and about trying to accomplish those everyday errands that wear mothers out. The next few questions are the ones I usually find mildly annoying to downright offensive.

Do you know what causes that?

Why don’t you get that fixed?

Do you have a TV?

Are you Catholic? Irish? Uneducated?

Yes, I’ve been asked all of those questions usually in front of the children and many more questions and comments have been addressed to me that are not fit for publication here.   I try to be patient, I smile and suppress my natural sarcastic tendencies and answer as honestly and cheerfully as possible.

Yes, they are all mine.

Yes, I know what causes it and we prefer it to TV.

We can’t fix what isn’t broken.

I am both Catholic and Irish as well as being really well-educated, thank you very much. I have the paid-off loan documents to prove it.

Recently, on the soccer field of all places, some one came up with a different approach.

“So you’re one of those Catholics that don’t believe in birth control.” 

fluffybaby.jpgThis was one I could sink my teeth into.  Now I believe in birth control in so far as it exists. Unlike the Loch Ness monster or leprechauns which do not exist, so I do not believe in them. What I do believe about artificial birth control is that it is intrinsically evil, immoral and a mortal sin.  Why do I believe this?  Well, the easy answer is because the church tells me so. Now before you give me the whole story about the old men in the Vatican wanting to populate the earth in Catholics by keeping all of the women pregnant for twenty years at a time let me just say: lots of women work in the Vatican; no Catholic document says you should have as many children as humanly possible during your fertile years, and; not all the men in the Vatican are old. 

That’s the easy answer. If I were the type of person to accept easy answer I would not have had to pay back all those loans for school. I like to know the reason for things. Why is it a mortal sin? What makes it intrinsically wrong to use artificial means of birth control? 

The marital act has two purposes; it is both unitive and pro-creative. 

The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life (CCC 2363).

Unitive means that it brings husband and wife together in a close and special way. It is for their good and for the good of their marriage. A man and wife give themselves to each other completely and exclusively. It is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves to each other for as long as they both shall live.

The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches  the spouses in joy and gratitude (CCC 2362).

Procreative means that each act of marriage be open to life (CCC 2367).

The church does recognize that there are times when it is advisable to avoid pregnancy. The reasons for doing this can be highly personal and should be between the couple, their confessor and God. It is imperative to point out that the reasons should be ones that stem out of a generous and genuine desire to be a responsible parent and a desire to do God’s will.

Toward this end the church, and this diocese (Rockville Center) in particular, teach a method of spacing pregnancies called Natural Family Planning (NFP). NFP teaches a couple to recognize the signs of fertility in a woman so that each month they can prayerfully consider God’s will for their family. 

With this in mind it just makes sense that to put something between these two reasons for marital intimacy would thwart the sacramental aspect of the marriage and deny God’s will. Hence the mortal sin part of the problem. It is God’s great joy to have baptized people joined in the bonds of marriage and sanctified by the sacrament. It is His great joy to have us be blessed by the fruits of this sacrament: a close and loving relationship and children. Children are a gift, a blessing and means to our salvation.

Let’s get back to that soccer field conversation.

The woman with whom I was speaking asked if I did the Rhythm thing. I have no rhythm and I told her so. Rhythm is an outdated method of calculating ovulation by using a calendar and predicting fourteen days into a woman’s cycle she would conceive. Since not everyone has that kind of cycle it was not a very successful method. I explained that NFP was scientifically based and used by many people of all faiths since it was the healthiest method available.

The lady then pointed out that since I had seven children I was not such a great poster child for this method. 

Sigh.

It is exactly because I have seven children that I am a great poster child, even though I really don’t want to be on any posters. Had NFP not been part of our marriage I would likely have a much larger family by now. When there is no good reason not to conceive we simply don’t watch the fertility signs and let God plot the course. This is not always easy and we come in for a good bit of criticism for our beliefs but the fact is we have a good marriage. We have beautiful children and we have faith — faith that God will provide us what we need both materially and emotionally to care for these precious beings He has entrusted to our care.  It is because NFP works that I have great confidence that what God plans for our family will ultimately end with us united in heaven. It is because NFP works that I can joyfully tell you that our eighth baby will, with the help of God, join us here in January.

Deo Gratias.

 

For more information about learning Natural Family Planning please call the Rockville Center Diocesan Family Life office at 516-678-5800. Other information about life issues can be found at http://www.onemoresoul.com.

Mary Ellen Barrett is a home educating mother of seven children, ranging in ages from twelve to one year old. She blogs about living a Catholic family life on her weblog, Tales from the Bonny Blue House (maryellenb.typepad.com/), and is a columnist for The Long Island Catholic. Mary Ellen frequently writes and speaks about raising and teaching her autistic son. She also owns and writes for O Night Divine (www.onightdivine.com/), a website devoted to the Catholic celebration of Christmas.



TOPICS: Apologetics; Catholic; Moral Issues; Theology
KEYWORDS: catholic; catholiclist; familyplanning; natural
I have been hanging onto this article ever since it appeared.

Might be educational for Nancy Pelosi. Think of all the stimulus money that could be saved it Natural Family Planning were to be taught.

PS to the Protestants -- this is not birth control. Read the article!

1 posted on 01/26/2009 6:02:05 PM PST by Salvation
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To: All
More information.

NFP — It Ain’t Your Momma’s Rhythm
Responsible Parenthood in a Birth Control Culture, Part Two [Open]
Responsible Parenthood in a Birth Control Culture, Part One [Open]

Contraception v. Natural Family Planning — Part 5 of 6 [Open]
Journey to the Truth (Natural Family Planning) [Open]

Enslaving Women One Pill at a Time (Birth Control Pills and Natural Family Planning)

New Study Shows Natural Family Planning Technique More “Effective” Than Contraception

Fargo) Diocese set to require pre-marriage course in natural family planning

Making Babies: A Very Different Look at Natural Family Planning

Clerical Contraception (Important Read! By Fr. Thomas J. Euteneuer)

(Fargo) Diocese set to require pre-marriage course in natural family planning

Natural Family Planning Awareness Week, July 25, 2004

IS NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING A 'HERESY'? (Trads, please take note)

Thanks Doc: More (and Younger) Doctors Support Natural Family Planning

Couple say Natural Family Planning strengthens marriage

Reflections: Natural family planning vs sexism

British Medical Journal: Natural Family Planning= Effective Birth Control Supported by Catholic Chrch

Natural Family Planning

2 posted on 01/26/2009 6:06:25 PM PST by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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With just five children with me in the grocery store I would get some of these same questions.

Anyone else have similar experiences?


3 posted on 01/26/2009 6:09:07 PM PST by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Salvation

Every time we go out, and I only have four! (plus one on the way)

My replies are much snarkier than this woman’s, though. Just because I have a big family doesn’t mean I have the patience of a saint. ;-)


4 posted on 01/26/2009 6:37:55 PM PST by LongElegantLegs (Embrace what is wrong.)
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To: Salvation
five children here, yes, same questions
5 posted on 01/26/2009 7:33:10 PM PST by TornadoAlley3 (Obama is everything Oklahoma is not.)
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To: Salvation

Heck, I get them with three.


6 posted on 01/26/2009 7:36:38 PM PST by mockingbyrd
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To: Salvation

Yup- 4 kids here. I had a woman say I should get my tubes tied once at the store. I told her maybe she should go on a diet to stop being so fat.

I went to Germany (w. a side trip to Italy) last month to visit my grandfather (with all 4). No-one said much, but the stares we received were out of this world. Even in Catholic Italy, no-one does more than one or two kids (saw a three kid family once in Germany.)


7 posted on 01/26/2009 8:06:08 PM PST by conservative cat ("So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.")
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To: mockingbyrd

No way, with only three children? People are really going NUTZZZZ these days.


8 posted on 01/26/2009 8:31:56 PM PST by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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To: conservative cat

Your remarks about Italy surprise me.


9 posted on 01/26/2009 8:32:52 PM PST by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Salvation

I was surprised, too. We received smiles from some, especially older people, but not so much from the younger.


10 posted on 01/26/2009 8:50:30 PM PST by conservative cat ("So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.")
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To: Salvation
Anyone else have similar experiences?

All the time. Sometimes all the children with me aren't mine, because I've taken the Girl Scouts to the pet store, for example. (The fact that several are black might be a clue ...)

On other occasions, I don't have all my children with me. Then, when people ask, "Are these all yours?" I say, "No, I have several more. They're (at home, at Scouts, at a friend's house)." Shocking!

My impression is that a lot more people believe children are a punishment than are willing to admit it ... but they recognized themselves in Barack Obama and voted accordingly.

11 posted on 01/27/2009 4:57:14 AM PST by Tax-chick (I will not be silenced.)
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To: Salvation

This article shows that NFP is not at all the same thing as contraception. There are some Catholics who believe that NFP is just another form of birth control, that there really is no difference between practicing contraception and practicing NFP. But couples who practice NFP typically have large families while those who use artificial birth control have one, two, or three children at the most. And while those who practice contraception are never shy about making statements like “we’re not having any more kids,” or “we’re all done having children,” and often at a young age, you’ll never hear couples who practice NFP making statements like that. Finally, while couples who practice contraception often end up getting divorced, couples who use NFP and/or have several children rarely do. The two things really couldn’t be any more different.


12 posted on 01/27/2009 5:40:41 AM PST by steadfastconservative
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To: steadfastconservative
... that there really is no difference between practicing contraception and practicing NFP

If they really believed that, they would use NFP, which is free, always available, instantly reversible, and has no potential health complications.

13 posted on 01/27/2009 6:03:34 AM PST by Tax-chick (I will not be silenced.)
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To: Tax-chick
If they really believed that, they would use NFP, which is free, always available, instantly reversible, and has no potential health complications.

Well said and utterly the truth of the matter. Yet, since we as a society place our hand firmly on contraception as truth and goodness ... most people fail to see this truth.

We should place our hand firmly on the Bible or the Church or Christ ... but we choose our guide through our own reference. We think it leads to love and closeness. Yet it actually leads to division and resentment and use of each other.

The Pill is our foundation. The Condom is our health savior. The Morning-After Pill is our hope. We have no control over our appetites. Oh, the tragedy of self deception. Especially when how we treat the least of our brothers is how we will be treated. Our spouse, as the least of our brothers, deserves not to be used.
14 posted on 01/27/2009 6:22:35 AM PST by klossg (GK - God is good!)
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To: klossg

Lots of good observations there! Family planning is not the only area in which our culture wants to substitute technology or drugs for wisdom. Drugs or surgery to be thinner, instead of eating and exercising sensibly. Drugs to “fix” unhappiness, boredom, or quirks of personality.

It’s so much easier to take a pill (or make someone else take a pill, such as one’s wife or son), rather than embracing the reality that God created women to have babies and boys to run and jump.


15 posted on 01/27/2009 8:23:08 AM PST by Tax-chick (I will not be silenced.)
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To: steadfastconservative

Excellent perspective, especially on the divorce issue. Couples who work through having children by abstaining grow to love each other and respect each other much more than those who contracept.


16 posted on 01/27/2009 6:24:45 PM PST by Salvation ( †With God all things are possible.†)
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