Yes, it is settled in God's mind. But what is that to us, seeing that we cannot know His hidden will? Is it not an encouragement to the missionary, moreover, that He has his elect out there, that fields are white for harvest, and that what lies ahead has been planned from eternity? Seems like a cause for optimism, not pessimism.
I think far more highly of God than you, because I trust His word.
"The Bible does not say For God so loved the elect, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." And so when I read "God is not willing that any should perish" in II Peter 3:9, I take it to mean that, quite literally, God does not want anyone going to hell.
Every verse Calvinists use in their arguments is that God is promising ONLY their self-described 'elect'.