Posted on 07/05/2007 3:00:33 AM PDT by Gamecock
In my case, the leaving produced the shunning. The attitude of the shunners produced the ugliness in their hearts toward one who dared refuse to accept the lies of Joseph Smith.
AND, since anyone who leaves the church is accused of all kinds of things, I remarried without a temple divorce, in the time before the LDS church was SUED to allow resignations. Therefore, I was excommunicated. Had I been able to, I would have resigned.
When Lucifer left the fold to do his own thing is he not an out cast to the Heavenly Father an enemy?
Joseph Smith is NOT Heavenly Father, and the comparison of me to Lucifer is indicative of the the kind of mentality that produces shunning.
Is this the kind of message mormons would have their missionaries carry to the contacts they make? "Don't dare to leave once you are in, or you are considered Lucifers?"
I always find it strange that the church that proselytizes against other religions probably more heavily than most, tries the hardest to censor those who would question their doctrines.
"But if they started a champaign against the church sure I would shun them and find them a stranger which it came to Church things!"
Shunning makes people strangers not only to "church" things, it affects all the relationships one has. "Shunning is the act of deliberately avoiding association with, and habitually keeping away from an individual or group. It is a sanction against association often associated with religious groups and other tightly-knit organisations and communities." Wikipedia
**** the “shunning” of former members.****
A mormon friend of mine has been separated from his wife for like three years. She left him, the mormon church and turned her back on most of their children. He tells me, she tells him, she is often shunned by mormons including him. He says “I don’t understand? I disagree with her choices, but shun her? No. I don’t get it.” He speaks respectfully of her even though she is “gone”.
I figure she is the one doing the shunning, and transferring her feelings as motive to others to justify her feelings. I say this because before she left him she would voice negative words regarding ex and anti mormons.
So I then think, is there a correlation between those that participate in shunning then, at a later time, leaving beliefs behind? Does this apply to more than just mormons and mormonism? If so, then the act of shunning does something deep and fundamental to a person.
I pray for both of their souls.
I really hope you are not suggesting this of me?
Look what happens when you turn away from your computer to actually take care of business.
I had some catching up to do on the thread.
Mormons don’t want to admit that shunning takes place, but it is documented by almost every single person who has ever left. There are strained family, community and business ties.
I was an inactive Mormon for over twenty years. I was publicly shunned in Relief Society. In fact the Relief Society President stood up and told the members that they shouldm’t listen to my opinions about raising children since I hadn’t been recently active. This was after I had RAISED four wonderful children through their teen years....I had only briefly stated that some of the mothers needn’t be too concerned by the rebelliousness of dress of their teenagers when they don’t dress in the standard “Mormon attire.”
One mother was frightened and appalled that her teenage daughter would leave the house dressed modestly, yet mom dropped by the school to check up on her, and daughter had on “extreme makeup” and had rolled her skirt up at the waistband. I was only trying to reassure the mother that if you raise your children well, with proper morals, they very often grow out of their “experimenting with fashion stage.”
Sheesh....by the way they acted I may as well have said I thought it was okay if the daughter chose to be a whore. I couldn’t believe they had publicly shunned me in that way, when I was just trying one more time, to be a Mormon. That was the last time I attended or tried to attend as a member. That was in 1995. Since then I have been anathema in my Ward.
**** that the church encourages divorce when one of the spouses leaves the Mormon church.****
My mormon friend says they have been separated for nearly three years. She’s the one that left the mormon church and the one that wants the divorce but does little to follow through. He has tried to resolve issues gone to counseling but she refuses resolve or go to counseling. She now lives with another man. (So their kid tell me.)
***I really hope you are not suggesting this of me?***
I was speaking of some one I personally know something about. Just trying piece together some reason for her actions.
I know nearly nothing about you. You’ll have figure out your motivations for yourself.
I asked a simple question...are you suggesting I did the shunning? My motivations have nothing to do with it. Yours on the other hand would be questionable if you are suggesting it.
Well, no. Just what is in the Docrine and Covenants. There is also a passage in Alma that can be interpreted in a couple of ways. I am on my way out the door, I will ask and let you know. Thx.
Unfortunately the rites have been posted on the Internet by others. We keep going over the same ground, they are sacred to us and we won’t post them on lds.org or anywhere else and we don’t talk about them outside the temple.
No, the LDS church does not encourage divorce when one spouse leaves the church. We are told that the marriage covenant is sacred and to be honored. I know several couples where one has left the church, or one has joined another church. The LDS members are still faithful, and have good marriages. OTOH, I have a couple of friends whose husbands have told them after 20 years of marriage that they just didn't believe in the Church anymore and hadn't ever believed in it. Both friends stayed with their husbands, but after 2-3 years, both husbands asked for divorces (due to infidelity.)
A neighbor of my parents had a wife who got very psychotic and had dementia. She tried to kill him and one of their children. She was committed to the state mental hospital, where she asked for a divorce. After several years, he met a wonderful woman who was a Baptist. They fell in love and got married. She is an active, faithful member of her Baptist Church and he is and active, faithful member of my parents ward. Their one child has been raised as a Baptist. They have a wonderful marriage and support each other in their churches. He is invited to their socials and she is invited to the neighborhood parties and the ward activities.
So, no, the official stance of the LDS church is not to encourage divorce under any condition, except where there is abuse involved.
Mormons often exhibit a common type of denial. Blame the one who left. Blame them for a lack of faith, blame them because they must be weak, blame them because they must have taken an offense at some small slight.
Those who leave are always blamed. Here is what they are saying right now over on the exmormon chat board.
Subject: The “C” (cult) word is what pushed me out the door.
Date: Jul 13 18:33
Author: julecakes
Mail Address:
Then I was watching program on cable about Heaven’s Gate cult and there was a guy who was a “cult expert” that had written a book that sounded interesting. I went to his website and he listed the top ten cults and the mormons were on there. I was a bit surprised, so I researched the description of a cult, and yep, TSCC fit the profile. The biggest one was not letting the members leave. Even decent people are “programed” to do everything they can to not let anyone leave. It’s just wrong.
Subject: Cult Word was a hard pill to swallow
Date: Jul 13 18:41
Author: sfex
Mail Address:
Subject: The first time I referred to the church as a cult
Date: Jul 13 18:47
Author: en passant
Mail Address:
UCC has a reputation as being a church with somewhat of liberal outlook, and this particular congregation was really diverse with people from a variety of different backgrounds.
One evening at choir practice some of us were chatting about how we came to associate ourselves with this particular congregation. I stated matter-of-factly, “I grew up in a cult.” This was nothing I had formed a conscious conclusion about, and I think at the time it surprised me as much as it surprised the others.
Of course I had to explain, but I think its greater significance was in the way I blurted it out without thinking. Somehow in my discontent with my morg background it seemed like my brain figured it out and labeled it without deliberation.
That’s silly of course, and the comment no doubt was a product of my subconscious deliberation process, factoring into consideration a number of elements whether I was fully aware of it or not. I’ve thought about it many times since then and it always amuses me at how accurate the comment turned out to be.
Subject: I used the “c” word when my sister left for college
Date: Jul 13 18:56
Author: SkyChild
Mail Address:
Subject: Re: A note on the ‘c’ word . . . (a little long)
Date: Jul 13 19:12
Author: Julie
Mail Address:
But I am afraid to tell people that I was “raised in a cult” because I’m worried the people I tell will turn out to be those misguided uninformed souls who believe that the church is like any other mainstream Christian faith. They may look at me like I’m looney, say “that church isn’t a cult!” or worse say “hey, how can you say that, my sister’s family is mormon and theyre perfectly nice normal people...”
As for how to deal with it, the only thing I’ve found works is distancing myself. The people left inside generally don’t change, no matter what you say to them. Sometimes people come out of their own accord, and THEN you can get together and compare notes and support each other. But until then...it is rather non-productive to try to deconvert anyone, and often has the opposite effect of making them cling even tighter to the cult they’re so mentally/emotionally dependent on.
Sad stuff, really. You can only live your life, be polite and non-combative, hope that they eventually have their own epiphanies and come to join you out in the fresh air.
I wanted to ping you to Post 1131. There are so many sad experiences of those who leave the LDS. It might do you some good to familiarize yourself with what other may actually experience instead of just listening to the faith promoting stories they tell you in Church.
Look around....it really can’t hurt can it?
I fine you to be an exaggerator the Church nor LDS consider the Prophet Joseph Smith to be Heavenly Father.
To make a statement like this tells me you have sure are confused about the doctrine.
and the comparison of me to Lucifer is indicative of the the kind of mentality that produces shunning.
How did you get yourself incorporated in the middle of an illistration?
I been taught if you do the will of the Father and keep the faith that all will work out!
We are commanded to Love One Another.
I have recognized some souls are more advance on this road than others but many are still working with the Lord to mature in the Lord's spirit.
So unless one is behaving beyond civility there is no reason to shun, but when they are civil again one should be teated cordial.
So are you implying that the one ex-mormon is indicative of all ex-Mormons? Because using your logic, I once heard of a Mormon who took the inside door handles of his Volkswagen Bug. He used it as a torture chamber where he murdered young girls leaving bitemarks in their flesh...
...Oh and he was good looking.
Sheesh.
Obviously you didn’t read the post.........
And I heard his initials were.....Oh, no one’s ever heard of him anyway.
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