Posted on 01/10/2006 10:06:56 AM PST by Terriergal
One of the other two is this: what is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a bottom feeding scavanger, and the other is just a fish.
My third favorite is this: why did New York City get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got first pick.
And, back to the topic of this discussion, I, like Rick Warren, am not a Fundamentalist, even though I am theologically conservative. Like Rick Warren, I value engagement whereas fundamentalists tend to be separatists.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom dwelling scum sucking scavenger...
And the other is a fish.
You beat me to it. Same joke. I like mine better.
As separatists they may not be as effective as witnesses for Christ, but I think Warren's referencing them as "enemies" is way over the top. I couldn't help but notice he didn't say the same for the godless liberals (like the Bishops who confirmed Vicky Robinson) who are hell bent on destroying both our churches and our way of life. No criticism there. But those evil fundamentalists...
I got ya covered. Smoke if ya got 'em.
I don't, because I've butted heads with some of them. Imagine a guy who says I am a servant of Satan because I dared to correct the Bible. (I told him that he was misunderstanding a KJV anachronism.) I was an apostate because I left his inconsequential, marginalized sect to join to a "denomination that gathered to men's doctrines, not Jesus Christ." The man said, "Only in [his sect] is there liberty to worship in Spirit and in Truth." I was apostate for telling him that there was a whole world of Christians beside his sect that worship God fully.
I've never had a godless liberal say that kind of pablum. Don't get me wrong - the liberals are one of the most serious threats facing modern Christianity. Christ's harshest criticisms, however, were not directed at the liberals of his day, but rather the smug, arrogant, self-satisfied fundamentalists. The Pharisees were more dangerous to the soul than the Saducees.
"Do you know anyone who defines themself as a fundamentalist?
I do. In fact I define myself as a White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant-Right-Wing-Conservative Fundamentalist-Evangelical-Christian-Jesus-Freak. And if that doesn't offend just about everyone, then I'm sorry. I tried."
"Did I say I was a Lawyer too"
I see you are a lawyer so you must be a fundie, but I heard you play a mean guitar so you can't be a real fundie. I think you must be one of those new metafundies I heard of.
In the snow even in July, both ways.
This one's good, one of my favorites,
A... A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxidriver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of
Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
I want to die peacefully and in my sleep... like my father.
Not screaming in panic and fear... like his passengers.
I come from the left wing of the Fundamentaist Movement.
Electric guitars are not only permitted, they are mandatory. The only organs we allow in our blessed sanctuary are Hammond B3's with dual leslie speakers.
Cigarette smoking is prohibited in the fellowhip hall but permitted in the foyer. Only fine cigar smoke is allowed inside the fellowship hall.
Psalm 150.
Marlowe
Two crocadiles were sunning themselves on the banks of the bayou. One says to the other, "wow, do you look good. You must be eating well, how do you do it?" He replies, "I found this great eating place over yonder by that office building. I just lie under a car until the right one comes along and zap, lunch." "Come on I'll show you." So over to the office parking lot they go and out of the building comes a middle age man and zap the croc grabs him and eats him. "Boy that grate" the first croc says, "let me try it". Just then two fat well dressed men in wing tip loafers come out. The croc says "I'll grab them, they look good". The other croc says "don't waste your time". "They are lawyers and after you clean all the cr-p out of them there is nothing left to eat".
Fundamentalist do not fear the world.
That is a hateful statement for Rick Warren to make and one that is made out of malice because it certainly is untrue.
My very good friend Alan S. leaves at 6 a.m. to go to Uganda with Pastor Stark, founder of Madison Baptist Church, and founder or East Africa Missions.
He has a thriving business, and as far as the world would look at it and see, he looks foolish for going. He has everything a man could want or ask for, and yet he as a fundamentalist is going half way around the world to do all he can to help spread the Gospel and minister to people in need.
The sterotyping that Rick Warren does against Christians is divisive, and it's not based in reality.
People ought to wake up and realize that it's not the Gospel according to Rick Warren.
The HMO administrator was trying to get in. He argued & argued; finally SP said OK but only for 3 days.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of less than 80?
Your honor!
You may smoke it in the fellowship hall, but you must carefully and reverently place it in the communion cup holder during the invocation.
Do I get the grande latte with double espresso shots?
No, but we do have a 13 step recovery group for caffeine addicts like you.
BTW have you ever had chocolate covered espresso beans? They hide them on an obscure shelf in Starbucks.
I never go on a long trip without them.
I'm not backing off from anything, least of all you.
I don't pretend to judge Rick Warren's heart but I can judge what he does with God's Holy Word. When Biblical truth is forfeited for man's benefit and man willingly drives the faithful away for not adhering to the untruth, apostasy is alive and well and rearing its ugly head.
If the word is too harsh for your tender ears, I suggest you fasten your seat belt. The battle for Christ's church will get much worse.
Take a long look at prophecy. This should really come as no shock to you. Apostasy (Gee, I said it again) will not arrive with lights and sirens. You know the warning of the wolf in sheep's clothing.
I guess you expect the wolf to wear a scary suit and badge identifying himself as such.
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