Clinton Retells "Peter and the Wolf" as a Politically Correct Fable Requiring an Apology to the Wolf

Here's a news item from the too-lame-to-be-true category. But it is. It seems Bill Clinton and Mikhail Gorbachev have collaborated on a retelling of Prokofiev's beloved children's classic, ''Peter And The Wolf.'' In the original, you'll recall, Peter and his friend the duck are out frolicking in the meadow when the slavering wolf shows up and embarks on his reign of terror. He gulps down the duck as his hors d'oeuvre, and has the cat lined up to follow. But fortunately, Peter gets hold of a rope and uses it as a noose with which to muzzle the wolf and take him into captivity.

In the Clinton version, you won't be surprised to hear, Peter realizes the error of his lupophobia and releases the wolf back into the wild. The wolf howls a friendly goodbye. Which is jolly sporting of him when you consider that it's all our fault in the first place. ''Forgetting his triumph, Peter thought instead of fallen trees, parched meadows, choked streams, and of each and every wolf struggling for survival,'' narrates our Bill, addressing the root causes and feeling the wolf's pain. ''The time has come to leave wolves in peace.''

And so the 42nd president brings us full circle, back to where we came in, two years ago. On the Eastern Seaboard, the weeks leading up to Sept. 11, 2001, were the summer of shark attacks. Jessie Arbogast, an 8-year old lad from Pensacola, Fla., had his arm ripped off, but his quick-witted uncle wrestled the predator back to shore, killed him, and retrieved the chewed-up limb from his jaws. In a thoughtful editorial, the New York Times came down on the side of the shark: ''Many people now understand that an incident like the Arbogast attack is not the result of malevolence or a taste for human blood on the shark's part,'' explained the Times. ''What it should really do is remind us yet again how much we have to learn about them and their waters.''

In other words, we need to work harder to understand ''why they hate us.'' Just blundering into their waters in ever more culturally insensitive bathing suits will only provoke the vast majority of nonviolent members of the shark community to hate us even more.

Two years after ''the day America changed forever,'' the culture is in thrall to the same dopey self-delusion it held on Sept. 10, 2001: There are no enemies, just friends we haven't yet apologized to. The terrorist won't be a problem if, like young Jessie with the shark, we just give him a helping hand. Or, as the novelist Alice Walker proposed for Osama bin Laden, ''I firmly believe the only punishment that works is love.''

That's why America's TV networks have decided to sit out this week's anniversary. On the day itself, it was all too chaotic and unprecedented for the news guys to impose any one of their limited range of templates. For the first anniversary, they were back on top of things and opted to Princess Dianafy the occasion, to make it a day of ersatz grief-mongering, with plenty of tinkly piano on the soundtrack and soft-focus features about ''healing circles.'' That didn't go down too well, so this year they've figured it's easiest just to ignore it. The alternative would be to treat 9/11 as what it was -- an act of war -- and they don't have the stomach for that. War presupposes enemies, and enemies means people you have to kill, or at least stop, or at the very least be ever so teensy-weensily judgmental about. And, in an age when presidents rewrite ''Peter And The Wolf'' to end with Peter apologizing to the wolf, why should the network sob sisters be any tougher?

Back in the '90s, Bill Clinton didn't exactly apologize to the wolf, but he turned a blind eye as the poor misunderstood fellow pounced on more and more denizens of the barnyard, whether at American quarters in Saudi Arabia, or American embassies in Africa, or even American buildings in Manhattan, when the World Trade Center was hit first time round. In Prokofiev's ''Peter And The Wolf,'' the children learn to identify each musical instrument as a different animal. But no matter how loud Osama bin Laden blew his horn, he couldn't get the administration's attention. According to Richard Miniter's new book, after 17 sailors were killed on the USS Cole, Defense Secretary Bill Cohen said the attack ''was not sufficiently provocative'' to warrant a response. You'll have to do better than that, Osama!

President Clinton's new CD usefully clarifies his party's problem this election season: A significant chunk of the American people think the Democratic candidates feel the same way about the war on terror as Bill Clinton does about Peter's wolf and the New York Times does about Jessie's shark. And they reckon they know how that usually winds up. A couple of years back, a cougar killed a dog near the home of Frances Frost in Canmore, Alberta. Frost, an ''environmentalist dancer'' with impeccable pro-cougar credentials, objected strenuously to suggestions that the predator be tracked and put down. A month later, she was killed in broad daylight by a cougar who'd been methodically stalking her.

''I can't believe it happened,'' wailed a fellow environmentalist. But why not? Cougars prey on species they're not afraid of. So, if they've no reason to be afraid of man, they might as well eat him. He's a lot easier to catch than a deer or elk.

You can object that America's enemies in this war are not animals, though the suicide bomber seems to me not fully human, either. But nor are wild animals merely the creatures of their appetites. They're also astute calculators of risk. Aside from the boom in Islamic terrorism, the 1990s was also the worst decade ever for shark, bear, alligator and cougar attacks in North America. One can note that there are more of these creatures than ever before--the bear and cougar populations have exploded across the continent. But there's also the possibility that these animals have not just multiplied but evolved: They've lost their fear of man. Not so long ago, your average bear knew that if he happened upon a two-legged type, the chap would pull a rifle on him and he'd be spending eternity as a fireside rug. But these days it's just as likely that any human being he comes across is some pantywaist Bambi Boomer enviro-sentimentalist trying to get in touch with his inner self. And, if the guy wants to get in touch with his inner self so badly, why not just rip it out of his chest for him?

North American wildlife seems to have figured that out. Why be surprised that the wilder life in the toxic Saudi-funded madrassahs did as well? Each provocation, ''insufficient'' to rouse Bill Cohen, confirmed Osama's conviction that America was too soft and decadent for the fight. Two years on, the defeatist elites of our culture are still desperate to prove him right.

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Well how about the story of "Billy and the FALN"? When the wife runs for Senate and she needs some vote buying, what does one do? One pardons the FALN terrorists who bombed NYC and Chicago 130 times even though they never asked to be pardoned. And when you ask them to renounce violence before they are pardoned and they refuse, what does one do? One pardons them anyway because the wife and her 'career' is more important than the safety of the citizens. And what were some of those TERRORISTS sentenced to? Oh yes, 80 to 90 year terms, but lets pardon them anyway, after all it was only 130 bombings. Clintons and you; Clintons come first, you second. This has been a public service announcement reminding you that if Hitlery even becomes President, it most certainly will be a day of celebration for killers everywhere.

On August 11, 1999, President William Jefferson Clinton offered clemency to members of the Armed Forces of National Liberation (the Spanish acronym is FALN), a group devoted to the violent pursuit of Puerto Rican independence whose terrorist acts have killed and injured scores of Americans. Below are a few data to help digest the issue.

Bombings for which FALN claimed credit, 1974 to 1983	130
Americans killed by FALN terrorism	6
Americans injured by FALN terrorism	84
FALN terrorists who contested the prosecution's evidence at trial	0
FALN terrorists who apologized to their victims	0
Freed FALN terrorists who had stated they felt no remorse	At least 1
FALN terrorists to whom Clinton offered clemency	16
FALN terrorists who requested clemency	0
FALN terrorists who accepted clemency	14
FALN terrorists granted an early release from prison	11
Federal law enforcement agencies opposed to clemency for FALN members	4

Yet raw numbers cannot tell the entire story. To understand the danger and gravity of President Clinton's clemency grant, it is necessary to put words around the numbers, including testimony that FALN investigators and victims gave to the Senate on September 15:

"[T]he Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Federal Bureau of Prisons, and 2 United States Attorneys all reportedly advised the President not to grant leniency to the 16 terrorists." [S.J.Res 33, which passed the Senate 95-2]
"On January 24th of [1975], I was having lunch with two colleagues, Charlie Murray and Frank Connor and three clients, Jim Gezork, Alex Berger and Dave Urskind. We were seated at a table [at Fraunces Tavern in Manhattan] overlooking Broad Street, about to return to work when a bomb, placed in a doorway next to our table, detonated, destroying our corner with shrapnel and debris. Jim, Alex, and Frank died terrible deaths, barely recognizable to their families. Another man, Harold Sherburne, who was upstairs at the time of the blast, was also killed. Charlie, David and I suffered multiple wounds, many of them from shrapnel. More than fifty other people sustained injuries as well." [Bill Newhall, FALN bombing victim]
"[T]heir criminal activity was not limited to indiscriminate bombing. It also included apolitical crimes such as weapons possession and robbery." [New York Police Department Detective Rocco Pascerella, injured by an FALN bomb on December 31, 1982]
"I suffered the loss of one leg below the knee, severe scarring of my other leg, the loss of hearing in one ear, and the loss of my eyesight to the extent that I am no longer able to drive. I was in the hospital for two months. I underwent six operations for my leg and ears and received over 40 stitches to my face, ears and mouth." [Detective Pascerella]
"On the late evening of Monday, February 28, 1982, four powerful bombs detonated in front of business institutions in New York's financial district. The FALN claimed credit . . . [and] stated that their jailed comrades and members of their organization were being mistreated in jail." [Retired FBI Special Agent Donald R. Wofford] Of the 11 inmates the FALN identified as jailed comrades and members, President Clinton offered clemency to nine. Eight accepted and are now free.
"[W]hat kind of message does this exercise of clemency send to the world's terrorists? The United States military is sent halfway around the world to destroy a terrorist's camp in a foreign nation, while at home, as wily a group of criminal terrorists as exists anywhere in the world is released upon the strength of a hard wrought promise never to engage in violence again. A release, it appears, that is contrary to the recommendations and warnings of every federal agency involved in the investigation, apprehension, trial and incarceration of this group." [Detective Pascerella]
"I don't recall ever hearing any expression of remorse, concern or contrition by any member of the FALN for the pain and loss they caused those directly affected, or their families, for this or any other bombing." [Bill Newhall]

Sources: CRS, Senate Judiciary Committee testimony available at http://www.senate.gov/~judiciary/wl91599.htm, The Tampa Tribune, S.J.Res. 33 (passed 95-2).

Looks like another example of the Clintons "Putting People First," right after these endangered species -- not including pages upon pages of inveterbrates and plants:

Mammals
Status Species Name
E Bat, gray ( Myotis grisescens)
E Bat, Hawaiian hoary ( Lasiurus cinereus semotus)
E Bat, Indiana ( Myotis sodalis)
E Bat, lesser long-nosed ( Leptonycteris curasoae yerbabuenae)
E Bat, little Mariana fruit ( Pteropus tokudae)
E Bat, Mariana fruit (=Mariana flying fox) ( Pteropus mariannus mariannus)
E Bat, Mexican long-nosed ( Leptonycteris nivalis)
E Bat, Ozark big-eared ( Corynorhinus (=Plecotus) townsendii ingens)
E Bat, Virginia big-eared ( Corynorhinus (=Plecotus) townsendii virginianus)
T(S/A) Bear, American black ( Ursus americanus)
XN,T Bear, grizzly ( Ursus arctos horribilis)
T Bear, Louisiana black ( Ursus americanus luteolus)
E Caribou, woodland ( Rangifer tarandus caribou)
E Deer, Columbian white-tailed ( Odocoileus virginianus leucurus)
E Deer, key ( Odocoileus virginianus clavium)
E,XN Ferret, black-footed ( Mustela nigripes)
E Fox, San Joaquin kit ( Vulpes macrotis mutica)
E Jaguar ( Panthera onca)
E Jaguarundi, Gulf Coast ( Herpailurus (=Felis) yagouaroundi cacomitli)
E Jaguarundi, Sinaloan ( Herpailurus (=Felis) yagouaroundi tolteca)
E Kangaroo rat, Fresno ( Dipodomys nitratoides exilis)
E Kangaroo rat, giant ( Dipodomys ingens)
E Kangaroo rat, Morro Bay ( Dipodomys heermanni morroensis)
E Kangaroo rat, San Bernardino Merriam's ( Dipodomys merriami parvus)
E Kangaroo rat, Stephens' ( Dipodomys stephensi (incl. D. cascus))
E Kangaroo rat, Tipton ( Dipodomys nitratoides nitratoides)
T Lynx, Canada ( Lynx canadensis)
E Manatee, West Indian ( Trichechus manatus)
E Mountain beaver, Point Arena ( Aplodontia rufa nigra)
E Mouse, Alabama beach ( Peromyscus polionotus ammobates)
E Mouse, Anastasia Island beach ( Peromyscus polionotus phasma)
E Mouse, Choctawhatchee beach ( Peromyscus polionotus allophrys)
E Mouse, Key Largo cotton ( Peromyscus gossypinus allapaticola)
E Mouse, Pacific pocket ( Perognathus longimembris pacificus)
E Mouse, Perdido Key beach ( Peromyscus polionotus trissyllepsis)
T Mouse, Preble's meadow jumping ( Zapus hudsonius preblei)
E Mouse, salt marsh harvest ( Reithrodontomys raviventris)
T Mouse, southeastern beach ( Peromyscus polionotus niveiventris)
E Mouse, St. Andrew beach ( Peromyscus polionotus peninsularis)
E Ocelot ( Leopardus (=Felis) pardalis)
XN,T Otter, southern sea ( Enhydra lutris nereis)
E Panther, Florida ( Puma (=Felis) concolor coryi)
T Prairie dog, Utah ( Cynomys parvidens)
E Pronghorn, Sonoran ( Antilocapra americana sonoriensis)
E Puma (=cougar), eastern ( Puma (=Felis) concolor couguar)
T(S/A) Puma (=mountain lion) ( Puma (=Felis) concolor (all subsp. except coryi))
E Rabbit, Lower Keys marsh ( Sylvilagus palustris hefneri)
E Rabbit, pygmy ( Brachylagus idahoensis)
E Rabbit, riparian brush ( Sylvilagus bachmani riparius)
E Rice rat ( Oryzomys palustris natator)
E Seal, Caribbean monk ( Monachus tropicalis)
T Seal, Guadalupe fur ( Arctocephalus townsendi)
E Seal, Hawaiian monk ( Monachus schauinslandi)
E,T Sea-lion, Steller ( Eumetopias jubatus)
E Sheep, bighorn ( Ovis canadensis)
E Sheep, bighorn ( Ovis canadensis californiana)
E Shrew, Buena Vista Lake ornate ( Sorex ornatus relictus)
E Squirrel, Carolina northern flying ( Glaucomys sabrinus coloratus)
E,XN Squirrel, Delmarva Peninsula fox ( Sciurus niger cinereus)
E Squirrel, Mount Graham red ( Tamiasciurus hudsonicus grahamensis)
T Squirrel, northern Idaho ground ( Spermophilus brunneus brunneus)
E Squirrel, Virginia northern flying ( Glaucomys sabrinus fuscus)
E Vole, Amargosa ( Microtus californicus scirpensis)
E Vole, Florida salt marsh ( Microtus pennsylvanicus dukecampbelli)
E Vole, Hualapai Mexican ( Microtus mexicanus hualpaiensis)
E Whale, blue ( Balaenoptera musculus)
E Whale, bowhead ( Balaena mysticetus)
E Whale, finback ( Balaenoptera physalus)
E Whale, humpback ( Megaptera novaeangliae)
E Whale, right ( Balaena glacialis (incl. australis))
E Whale, Sei ( Balaenoptera borealis)
E Whale, sperm ( Physeter catodon (=macrocephalus))
E,XN,T Wolf, gray ( Canis lupus)
E,XN Wolf, red ( Canis rufus)
E Woodrat, Key Largo ( Neotoma floridana smalli)
E Woodrat, riparian (=San Joaquin Valley) ( Neotoma fuscipes riparia)

Birds
Status Species Name
E Akepa, Hawaii (honeycreeper) ( Loxops coccineus coccineus)
E Akepa, Maui (honeycreeper) ( Loxops coccineus ochraceus)
E Akialoa, Kauai (honeycreeper) ( Hemignathus procerus)
E Akiapola`au (honeycreeper) ( Hemignathus munroi)
E Albatross, short-tailed ( Phoebastria (=Diomedea) albatrus)
E Blackbird, yellow-shouldered ( Agelaius xanthomus)
E Bobwhite, masked (quail) ( Colinus virginianus ridgwayi)
E Broadbill, Guam ( Myiagra freycineti)
E Cahow ( Pterodroma cahow)
T Caracara, Audubon's crested ( Polyborus plancus audubonii)
E,XN Condor, California ( Gymnogyps californianus)
E Coot, Hawaiian ( Fulica americana alai)
E Crane, Mississippi sandhill ( Grus canadensis pulla)
E,XN Crane, whooping ( Grus americana)
E Creeper, Hawaii ( Oreomystis mana)
E Creeper, Molokai ( Paroreomyza flammea)
E Creeper, Oahu ( Paroreomyza maculata)
E Crow, Hawaiian (='alala) ( Corvus hawaiiensis)
E Crow, Mariana (=aga) ( Corvus kubaryi)
E Crow, white-necked ( Corvus leucognaphalus)
E Curlew, Eskimo ( Numenius borealis)
E Duck, Hawaiian (=koloa) ( Anas wyvilliana)
E Duck, Laysan ( Anas laysanensis)
T Eagle, bald ( Haliaeetus leucocephalus)
T Eider, spectacled ( Somateria fischeri)
T Eider, Steller's ( Polysticta stelleri)
E Elepaio, Oahu ( Chasiempis sandwichensis ibidis)
E Falcon, northern aplomado ( Falco femoralis septentrionalis)
E Finch, Laysan (honeycreeper) ( Telespyza cantans)
E Finch, Nihoa (honeycreeper) ( Telespyza ultima)
E Flycatcher, southwestern willow ( Empidonax traillii extimus)
T Gnatcatcher, coastal California ( Polioptila californica californica)
E Goose, Hawaiian ( Branta (=Nesochen) sandvicensis)
E Hawk, Hawaiian (='lo) ( Buteo solitarius)
E Hawk, Puerto Rican broad-winged ( Buteo platypterus brunnescens)
E Hawk, Puerto Rican sharp-shinned ( Accipiter striatus venator)
E Honeycreeper, crested ( Palmeria dolei)
T Jay, Florida scrub ( Aphelocoma coerulescens)
E Kingfisher, Guam Micronesian ( Halcyon cinnamomina cinnamomina)
E Kite, Everglade snail ( Rostrhamus sociabilis plumbeus)
E Mallard, Mariana ( Anas oustaleti)
E Megapode, Micronesian ( Megapodius laperouse)
E Millerbird, Nihoa (old world warbler) ( Acrocephalus familiaris kingi)
T Monarch, Tinian (old world flycatcher) ( Monarcha takatsukasae)
E Moorhen, Hawaiian common ( Gallinula chloropus sandvicensis)
E Moorhen, Mariana common ( Gallinula chloropus guami)
T Murrelet, marbled ( Brachyramphus marmoratus marmoratus)
E Nightjar, Puerto Rican ( Caprimulgus noctitherus)
E Nukupu`u (honeycreeper) ( Hemignathus lucidus)
E `O`o, Kauai (honeyeater) ( Moho braccatus)
E `O`u (honeycreeper) ( Psittirostra psittacea)
T Owl, Mexican spotted ( Strix occidentalis lucida)
T Owl, northern spotted ( Strix occidentalis caurina)
E Palila (honeycreeper) ( Loxioides bailleui)
E Parrot, Puerto Rican ( Amazona vittata)
E Parrotbill, Maui (honeycreeper) ( Pseudonestor xanthophrys)
E Pelican, brown ( Pelecanus occidentalis)
E Petrel, Hawaiian dark-rumped ( Pterodroma phaeopygia sandwichensis)
E Pigeon, Puerto Rican plain ( Columba inornata wetmorei)
E,T Plover, piping ( Charadrius melodus)
T Plover, western snowy ( Charadrius alexandrinus nivosus)
E Po`ouli (honeycreeper) ( Melamprosops phaeosoma)
E Prairie-chicken, Attwater's greater ( Tympanuchus cupido attwateri)
E Pygmy-owl, cactus ferruginous ( Glaucidium brasilianum cactorum)
E Rail, California clapper ( Rallus longirostris obsoletus)
E,XN Rail, Guam ( Rallus owstoni)
E Rail, light-footed clapper ( Rallus longirostris levipes)
E Rail, Yuma clapper ( Rallus longirostris yumanensis)
T Shearwater, Newell's Townsend's ( Puffinus auricularis newelli)
E Shrike, San Clemente loggerhead ( Lanius ludovicianus mearnsi)
E Sparrow, Cape Sable seaside ( Ammodramus maritimus mirabilis)
E Sparrow, Florida grasshopper ( Ammodramus savannarum floridanus)
T Sparrow, San Clemente sage ( Amphispiza belli clementeae)
E Stilt, Hawaiian ( Himantopus mexicanus knudseni)
E Stork, wood ( Mycteria americana)
E Swiftlet, Mariana gray ( Aerodramus vanikorensis bartschi)
E Tern, California least ( Sterna antillarum browni)
E Tern, least ( Sterna antillarum)
E,T Tern, roseate ( Sterna dougallii dougallii)
E Thrush, large Kauai (=kamao) ( Myadestes myadestinus)
E Thrush, Molokai ( Myadestes lanaiensis rutha)
E Thrush, small Kauai (=puaiohi) ( Myadestes palmeri)
T Towhee, Inyo California ( Pipilo crissalis eremophilus)
E Vireo, black-capped ( Vireo atricapillus)
E Vireo, least Bell's ( Vireo bellii pusillus)
E Warbler (=wood), Bachman's ( Vermivora bachmanii)
E Warbler (=wood), golden-cheeked ( Dendroica chrysoparia)
E Warbler (=wood), Kirtland's ( Dendroica kirtlandii)
E Warbler, nightingale reed (old world warbler) ( Acrocephalus luscinia)
E White-eye, bridled ( Zosterops conspicillatus conspicillatus)
E Woodpecker, ivory-billed ( Campephilus principalis)
E Woodpecker, red-cockaded ( Picoides borealis)

Reptiles
Status Species Name
T(S/A) Alligator, American ( Alligator mississippiensis)
E Anole, Culebra Island giant ( Anolis roosevelti)
T Boa, Mona ( Epicrates monensis monensis)
E Boa, Puerto Rican ( Epicrates inornatus)
E Boa, Virgin Islands tree ( Epicrates monensis granti)
E Crocodile, American ( Crocodylus acutus)
E Gecko, Monito ( Sphaerodactylus micropithecus)
T Iguana, Mona ground ( Cyclura stejnegeri)
E Lizard, blunt-nosed leopard ( Gambelia silus)
T Lizard, Coachella Valley fringe-toed ( Uma inornata)
T Lizard, Island night ( Xantusia riversiana)
E Lizard, St. Croix ground ( Ameiva polops)
T Rattlesnake, New Mexican ridge-nosed ( Crotalus willardi obscurus)
E,T Sea turtle, green ( Chelonia mydas)
E Sea turtle, hawksbill ( Eretmochelys imbricata)
E Sea turtle, Kemp's ridley ( Lepidochelys kempii)
E Sea turtle, leatherback ( Dermochelys coriacea)
T Sea turtle, loggerhead ( Caretta caretta)
T Sea turtle, olive ridley ( Lepidochelys olivacea)
T Skink, bluetail mole ( Eumeces egregius lividus)
T Skink, sand ( Neoseps reynoldsi)
T Snake, Atlantic salt marsh ( Nerodia clarkii taeniata)
T Snake, Concho water ( Nerodia paucimaculata)
T Snake, copperbelly water ( Nerodia erythrogaster neglecta)
T Snake, eastern indigo ( Drymarchon corais couperi)
T Snake, giant garter ( Thamnophis gigas)
T Snake, Lake Erie water ( Nerodia sipedon insularum)
E Snake, San Francisco garter ( Thamnophis sirtalis tetrataenia)
T(S/A),T Tortoise, desert ( Gopherus agassizii)
T Tortoise, gopher ( Gopherus polyphemus)
E Turtle, Alabama red-belly ( Pseudemys alabamensis)
T(S/A),T Turtle, bog (=Muhlenberg) ( Clemmys muhlenbergii)
T Turtle, flattened musk ( Sternotherus depressus)
E Turtle, Plymouth redbelly ( Pseudemys rubriventris bangsi)
T Turtle, ringed map ( Graptemys oculifera)
T Turtle, yellow-blotched map ( Graptemys flavimaculata)
T Whipsnake (=striped racer), Alameda ( Masticophis lateralis euryxanthus)

Amphibians
Status Species Name
T Coqui, golden ( Eleutherodactylus jasperi)
T Frog, California red-legged ( Rana aurora draytonii)
T Frog, Chiricahua leopard ( Rana chiricahuensis)
E Frog, Mississippi gopher ( Rana capito sevosa)
E Frog, mountain yellow-legged ( Rana muscosa)
T Guajon ( Eleutherodactylus cooki)
E Salamander, Barton Springs ( Eurycea sosorum)
E Salamander, California tiger ( Ambystoma californiense)
T Salamander, Cheat Mountain ( Plethodon nettingi)
E Salamander, desert slender ( Batrachoseps aridus)
T Salamander, flatwoods ( Ambystoma cingulatum)
T Salamander, Red Hills ( Phaeognathus hubrichti)
T Salamander, San Marcos ( Eurycea nana)
E Salamander, Santa Cruz long-toed ( Ambystoma macrodactylum croceum)
E Salamander, Shenandoah ( Plethodon shenandoah)
E Salamander, Sonora tiger ( Ambystoma tigrinum stebbinsi)
E Salamander, Texas blind ( Typhlomolge rathbuni)
E Toad, arroyo (=arroyo southwestern) ( Bufo californicus (=microscaphus))
E Toad, Houston ( Bufo houstonensis)
T Toad, Puerto Rican crested ( Peltophryne lemur)
E Toad, Wyoming ( Bufo baxteri (=hemiophrys))

Fishes
Status Species Name
T Catfish, Yaqui ( Ictalurus pricei)
E Cavefish, Alabama ( Speoplatyrhinus poulsoni)
T Cavefish, Ozark ( Amblyopsis rosae)
E Chub, bonytail ( Gila elegans)
E Chub, Borax Lake ( Gila boraxobius)
T Chub, Chihuahua ( Gila nigrescens)
E Chub, humpback ( Gila cypha)
T Chub, Hutton tui ( Gila bicolor ssp.)
E Chub, Mohave tui ( Gila bicolor mohavensis)
E Chub, Oregon ( Oregonichthys crameri)
E Chub, Owens tui ( Gila bicolor snyderi)
E Chub, Pahranagat roundtail ( Gila robusta jordani)
T Chub, slender ( Erimystax cahni)
T Chub, Sonora ( Gila ditaenia)
XN,T Chub, spotfin ( Cyprinella monacha)
E Chub, Virgin River ( Gila seminuda (=robusta))
E Chub, Yaqui ( Gila purpurea)
E Cui-ui ( Chasmistes cujus)
E Dace, Ash Meadows speckled ( Rhinichthys osculus nevadensis)
T Dace, blackside ( Phoxinus cumberlandensis)
E Dace, Clover Valley speckled ( Rhinichthys osculus oligoporus)
T Dace, desert ( Eremichthys acros)
T Dace, Foskett speckled ( Rhinichthys osculus ssp.)
E Dace, Independence Valley speckled ( Rhinichthys osculus lethoporus)
E Dace, Kendall Warm Springs ( Rhinichthys osculus thermalis)
E Dace, Moapa ( Moapa coriacea)
E Darter, amber ( Percina antesella)
T Darter, bayou ( Etheostoma rubrum)
E Darter, bluemask (=jewel) ( Etheostoma /)
E Darter, boulder ( Etheostoma wapiti)
T Darter, Cherokee ( Etheostoma scotti)
E,XN Darter, duskytail ( Etheostoma percnurum)
E Darter, Etowah ( Etheostoma etowahae)
E Darter, fountain ( Etheostoma fonticola)
T Darter, goldline ( Percina aurolineata)
T Darter, leopard ( Percina pantherina)
E Darter, Maryland ( Etheostoma sellare)
T Darter, Niangua ( Etheostoma nianguae)
E Darter, Okaloosa ( Etheostoma okaloosae)
E Darter, relict ( Etheostoma chienense)
T Darter, slackwater ( Etheostoma boschungi)
T Darter, snail ( Percina tanasi)
E Darter, vermilion ( Etheostoma chermocki)
E Darter, watercress ( Etheostoma nuchale)
E Gambusia, Big Bend ( Gambusia gaigei)
E Gambusia, Clear Creek ( Gambusia heterochir)
E Gambusia, Pecos ( Gambusia nobilis)
E Gambusia, San Marcos ( Gambusia georgei)
E Goby, tidewater ( Eucyclogobius newberryi)
E Logperch, Conasauga ( Percina jenkinsi)
E Logperch, Roanoke ( Percina rex)
T Madtom, Neosho ( Noturus placidus)
E Madtom, pygmy ( Noturus stanauli)
E Madtom, Scioto ( Noturus trautmani)
E,XN Madtom, smoky ( Noturus baileyi)
XN,T Madtom, yellowfin ( Noturus flavipinnis)
T Minnow, Devils River ( Dionda diaboli)
T Minnow, loach ( Tiaroga cobitis)
E Minnow, Rio Grande silvery ( Hybognathus amarus)
E,XN Pikeminnow (=squawfish), Colorado ( Ptychocheilus lucius)
E Poolfish, Pahrump ( Empetrichthys latos)
E Pupfish, Ash Meadows Amargosa ( Cyprinodon nevadensis mionectes)
E Pupfish, Comanche Springs ( Cyprinodon elegans)
E Pupfish, desert ( Cyprinodon macularius)
E Pupfish, Devils Hole ( Cyprinodon diabolis)
E Pupfish, Leon Springs ( Cyprinodon bovinus)
E Pupfish, Owens ( Cyprinodon radiosus)
E Pupfish, Warm Springs ( Cyprinodon nevadensis pectoralis)
E Salmon, Atlantic ( Salmo salar)
E,T Salmon, chinook ( Oncorhynchus (=Salmo) tshawytscha)
T Salmon, chum ( Oncorhynchus (=Salmo) keta)
T Salmon, coho ( Oncorhynchus (=Salmo) kisutch)
E,T Salmon, sockeye ( Oncorhynchus (=Salmo) nerka)
T Sculpin, pygmy ( Cottus paulus (=pygmaeus))
T Shiner, Arkansas River ( Notropis girardi)
T Shiner, beautiful ( Cyprinella formosa)
T Shiner, blue ( Cyprinella caerulea)
E Shiner, Cahaba ( Notropis cahabae)
E Shiner, Cape Fear ( Notropis mekistocholas)
E Shiner, palezone ( Notropis albizonatus)
T Shiner, Pecos bluntnose ( Notropis simus pecosensis)
E Shiner, Topeka ( Notropis topeka (=tristis))
T Silverside, Waccamaw ( Menidia extensa)
T Smelt, delta ( Hypomesus transpacificus)
T Spikedace ( Meda fulgida)
T Spinedace, Big Spring ( Lepidomeda mollispinis pratensis)
T Spinedace, Little Colorado ( Lepidomeda vittata)
E Spinedace, White River ( Lepidomeda albivallis)
T Splittail, Sacramento ( Pogonichthys macrolepidotus)
E Springfish, Hiko White River ( Crenichthys baileyi grandis)
T Springfish, Railroad Valley ( Crenichthys nevadae)
E Springfish, White River ( Crenichthys baileyi baileyi)
E,T Steelhead ( Oncorhynchus (=Salmo) mykiss)
E Stickleback, unarmored threespine ( Gasterosteus aculeatus williamsoni)
E Sturgeon, Alabama ( Scaphirhynchus suttkusi)
T Sturgeon, gulf ( Acipenser oxyrinchus desotoi)
E Sturgeon, pallid ( Scaphirhynchus albus)
E Sturgeon, shortnose ( Acipenser brevirostrum)
E Sturgeon, white ( Acipenser transmontanus)
E Sucker, June ( Chasmistes liorus)
E Sucker, Lost River ( Deltistes luxatus)
E Sucker, Modoc ( Catostomus microps)
E Sucker, razorback ( Xyrauchen texanus)
T Sucker, Santa Ana ( Catostomus santaanae)
E Sucker, shortnose ( Chasmistes brevirostris)
T Sucker, Warner ( Catostomus warnerensis)
E Topminnow, Gila (incl. Yaqui) ( Poeciliopsis occidentalis)
T Trout, Apache ( Oncorhynchus apache)
T Trout, bull ( Salvelinus confluentus)
E Trout, Gila ( Oncorhynchus gilae)
T Trout, greenback cutthroat ( Oncorhynchus clarki stomias)
T Trout, Lahontan cutthroat ( Oncorhynchus clarki henshawi)
T Trout, Little Kern golden ( Oncorhynchus aguabonita whitei)
T Trout, Paiute cutthroat ( Oncorhynchus clarki seleniris)
E,XN Woundfin ( Plagopterus argentissimus)
E Democrats

PEOPLE, American, red-blooded

NOTE: Any similarities of snakes, bats, toads and suckers to Democrats or enviro-extremists living or dead is purely coincidental.

Provided as a Public Service just in case you did not realize how extensive these lists were, why it has become so difficult to develop or sell your land, why forest management is obstructed by myriad lawsuits, or why the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) is burning down homes and businesses. Silly me. I had no idea.

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