Why Al Franken Is A Racist Bigot And Saturday Night Live Isn't Funny

TooGoodReports ^ | 09/05/03 | Perry Drake

[bedolido]

It's not easy being a humorist.

Some days you wade knee-deep in a flood of ideas, quips and witty repartees.

The only problem you have then is deciding which of your comic gems to use and which to save for the drought that you know is coming.

And the droughts always come.

That's most days.

I know I've written some really funny pieces. And I also know that I've written some real clunkers.

The way I know that I'm really hitting my comic stride is when I laugh out loud as the words pour from my keyboard (Alas, it's been some time now).

I just finished reading Al Franken's "Lies And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right." And as a fellow humorist (albeit, not as well paid), I don't think that even Franken could have found much to laugh out loud about in his book.

My first impression of the book is how much it reminded me of a typical Saturday Night Live sketch, overly long and thin on humor and originality to the point of being painful to the eyes. Franken's book goes a long way to explaining why the television show that he wrote for for so long has been virtually unwatchable for decades.

The flaw isn't with the subject matter, though. There's some real good stuff ripe for the lampooning there. No, the flaw is with the writer. Franken is possessed of the type of humor so dry and sophisticated (I guess) that he's just not funny. Now that's funny.

And Franken's book is not funny (which is the only real sin for a humorist). Nor does the book make its point very well, which is (I suppose) that there exists a vast right-wing media working around the clock to re-enslave blacks, snatch the bread from starving children, clear-cut the nation's forests, kill all immigrants and take the vote from women and relegate them to the kitchen and bedroom where they belong (Oh, if only that were so).

And this vast right-wing, media conspiracy is being orchestrated by (among others) Ann Coulter, the Fox News Channel, Neal Boortz (who first started me down the road to the truth), Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh (oh, to be included in that crowd). Of course there is some truth there, provided you set aside the existence of CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, NPR, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Time, Newsweek and just about every other media outlet in the nation.

The book doesn't waste time revealing its many flaws and inaccuracies, beginning with Chapter 1 when Franken writes, "the mainstream press does not have a liberal bias."

That assertion is news to Walter Cronkite, one of the deans of modern journalism, who recently wrote (confessed), "I believe that most of us reporters are liberal, but not because we consciously have chosen that particular color in the political spectrum."

And it was also news to me, a 20-year veteran of a number of newsrooms. OK, I'll admit that journalist are more stupid than liberal, but one has to be stupid to be liberal in the first place. And of all the thousands (yes, thousands) of journalists that I have met or worked with during those years, only three (yes, three) would admit that they were conservative or a Republican. And then, only one had the courage to do so openly.

Franken repeats a common fallacy when he takes after Fox News Channel Bill O'Reilly by characterizing him as an "ideological conservative." O'Reilly is in no ways a conservative. For goodness sakes, the man believes in global warming, abortion rights and that U.S. oil companies are gouging American consumers! When last I looked those were bedrock beliefs of the left. O'Reilly is a populist. There's a difference.

But for anyone who think that Franken's book contains even a semblance of credibility and honesty, that can be quickly dispelled by a reading of Chapter 30, "Fun with Racism." In this chapter, Franken attempts to paint the Republican Party as the party of "Southern bigot." Bunk!

Franken cites the controversy in Georgia about the Confederate emblem on the Georgia state flag. He writes Republican Sonny Perdue seized on Democratic Governor Roy Barnes' reduction of the size of the Confederate emblem on the state flag as a campaign issue during the gubernatorial race in 2002. Perdue won, which in Franken's mind proves how racist Southern Republicans are.

Of course what Franken fails to point out (maybe intentionally) is that it was Democrats who put the emblem on the flag in the first place in defiance of the burgeoning civil rights movement in the 1950s. And it was Democrats who through all those long years resisted the emblem's removal. Those are major oversight, doncha think?

And in the same chapter, Franken also writes that the "worst traitors in the history" of our country were "Confederates." But he doesn't mention that the Confederate were all Democrats! And he doesn't mention that it was the Republicans who waged war against all those same Democrats to bring them back into the Union.

Franken wants the reader to believe that the Republican Party is racists to black. But he fails, dreadfully -- not that his mostly liberal readership will know or care, though. And that's the point, isn't it?

Using Franken's own method of reasoning, I will prove that it's Franken who is the real racist, bigot. Are you ready? Here goes. During the last presidential election about 8 percent of blacks voted for George W. Bush, the Republican candidate (for those of you in Rio Linda and Palm Springs. I love Rush).

However, Franken admittedly used the services of fourteen college students (that he calls TeamFranken) to write his book. Of that 14, exactly zero were black (they're pictured on page 368). That means that Republicans are 8 percentage points less racist and bigoted than Franken.

Ergo, Al Franken is a racist, bigot, which I think is a good title for a book.

Oh, and Saturday Night Live should have been canceled long ago.

To comment on this article or express your opinion directly to the author, you are invited to e-mail Perry at pdrake4153@cs.com .

[.cnI redruM]

Hmmm.....who knows more about journalism?

Al Franken or Walter Cronkite?

Let me know if this is too much like rocket-science for the average cybernaut to figure out.

[MotleyGirl70]

beginning with Chapter 1 when Franken writes, "the mainstream press does not have a liberal bias."

Well, now THAT's funny.

[Chu Gary]

Bravo for some great comments, minus the grammar oops'es.

[lugsoul]

"Of course what Franken fails to point out (maybe intentionally) is that it was Democrats who put the emblem on the flag in the first place in defiance of the burgeoning civil rights movement in the 1950s."

Better watch out. Any minute now you're gonna have a gaggle of neo-Confederates jumping all over you telling you that the 1956 flag change had absolutely nothing to do with defiance of the civil rights movement - based on the after-the-fact recollections of an admitted white supremacist who pushed the flag change and 40 years later said, "Of course it had nothing to do with that, we were just honoring Confederate veterans." [Note: which is an odd argument, given that the flag they replaced was based on the CSA political flag, the "Stars and Bars."

[Soliv123]

The liberals hate the Southern Whites. Southern Whites have got a strong set of religious values such as telling the truth, and hard work. There is a lot more school integration in small town Southern schools than there has ever been in the big city Northern schools.

[GraniteStateConservative]

Well, this was damn funny:

Announcer: After a series of staggering defeats, Blue Oyster Cult assembled in the recording studio in late 1976 for a session with famed producer Bruce Dickinson. And, luckily for us, the cameras were rolling.

Bruce Dickinson: Alright, guys, I think we're ready to lay this first track down. By the way, my name is Bruce Dickinson. Yes, the Bruce Dickinson. And I gotta tell you: fellas.. you have got what appears to be a dynamite sound!

Eric Bloom: Coming from you, Bruce, that means a lot.

Buck Dharma: Yeah. I mean, you're Bruce Dickinson!

Alan: It's incredible!

Bobby: I can't believe Bruce Dickinson digs our sound!

Bruce Dickinson: Easy, guys.. I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. [ the group laughs ] Alright, here we go. "Don't Fear the Reaper" - take one. [ exits into the control booth ]

[ the group begins the song. Bobby slaps the drums, Eric jams his guitar, and Gene bangs on a cowbell. ]

Eric: [ distracted by Gene banging the cowbell ] Okay! Wait! Wait! [ the group cuts off their instruments ] Bruce, could you come in here for a minute, please?

Bruce Dickinson: [ stepping out of the booth ] That was gonna be a great track. Guys, what's the deal?

Eric: Are you sure that was sounding okay?

Bruce Dickinson: I'll be honest.. fellas, it was sounding great. But.. I could've used a little more cowbell. So.. let's take it again.. and, Gene.

Gene Frenkle: Yeah?

Bruce Dickinson: Really explore the studio space this time. I mean, really.. explore the space. I like what I'm hearing.

[ the group starts the song again, as Gene bangs more wildly onto the cowbell ]

Eric: Okay, wait! Stop! I'm sorry. Bruce, could you come back in here, please?

Bruce Dickinson: [ stepping out of the booth ] Fellas.. now, we just wasted two good tracks! That last one was even better than the first!

Eric: Well, it's just that I find Gene's cowbell playing distracting! If I'm the only one, I'll shut up.

Buck Dharma: It was pretty rough..

Gene Frenkle: You know, I could pull back a little. If you'd like.

Bruce Dickinson: Not too much, though! Fellas, I'm telling you - you're gonna want that cowbell on the track!

Gene Frenkle: You know what? It's fine. Let's just do this thing.

[ the band starts the song once more, with Gene banging the cowbell right next to Eric's ear ]

Eric: [ stopping the song again, fighting Gene ] Come on, people!

Bruce Dickinson: [ running out of the booth again ] That.. that doesn't work for me. I gotta have more cowbell!

Alan: Don't blow this for us, Gene!

Bobby: Quit being so selfish, Gene!

Gene Frenkle: Can I just say one thing? I'm standing here, staring at Bruce Dickinson! And if Bruce Dickinson wants more cowbell, we should probably give him more cowbell! And, Bobby, you are right - I am being selfish. But the last time I checked, we don't have a lot of songs that feature the cowbell.

Bruce Dickinson: I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Gene Frenkle: I'll be doing myself a disservice, and everybody in this band, if I don't perform the hell out of this.

Bruce Dickinson: Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!

Gene Frenkle: Thanks, Bruce. But I think, maybe if I just leave.. and, maybe I'll come back later, and we can lay down the cowbell. [ starts to leave the studio ]

Bruce Dickinson: Aw, baby..

Eric: Gene, wait! Why don't you lay down that cowbell right now. With us. Together.

[ everyone agrees ]

Gene Frenkle: Do you mean that, Eric?

Buck Dharma: He speaks for all of us.

Gene Frenkle: Thank you.

Bruce Dickinson: Babies.. before we're done here.. y'all are gonna be wearing gold-plated diapers.

Alan: What does that mean?

Bruce Dickinson: Never question, Bruce Dickinson! Roll it! [ exits back to booth ]

Eric: [ ready to lay the complete track down ] 1, 2, 3, 4.

[ the band starts up again. Close-up on Gene as he bangs the cowbell to freeze-frame with graphic: "In Memorium: Gene Frenkle: 1950-2000" ]

[Sir Gawain]

SNL is not even remotely funny anymore. It's painful to watch.

[cq]

That assertion is news to Walter Cronkite, one of the deans of modern journalism, who recently wrote (confessed), "I believe that most of us reporters are liberal, but not because we consciously have chosen that particular color in the political spectrum."

Wow does that tell a mouth full. The whole reason why they are liberals is because they do not THINK!

As soon as you start using logic in your political thought you start to reject Socialist Liberalism because it just does not make a whole lot of sense. Maybe some of these morons who see the actions of ELF and ALF will begin to understand how radical their ideals are.

[Gorjus]

Hmmm.....who knows more about journalism?

Al Franken or Walter Cronkite?

First off, I absolutely believe the 'mainstream' media has a liberal bias. There are any number of examples - from those complied in Ann Coulters' 'Slander' to the ones you can find in any newspaper any day.

But Cronkite did NOT say that the mainstream media had a liberal bias. He said that journalists were liberals. But, in their fairy-land world, they think they can keep their political philosophy out of their reporting. I don't, of course, but Franken and Cronkite do not actually disagree.

Which makes them both wrong, and speciously so.

[Cicero]

OK, I'll admit that journalist are more stupid than liberal, but one has to be stupid to be liberal in the first place.

Nicely put.

[Republic_of_Secession.]

Just to address a few paragraphs.

Franken repeats a common fallacy when he takes after Fox News Channel Bill O'Reilly by characterizing him as an "ideological conservative." O'Reilly is in no ways a conservative. For goodness sakes, the man believes in global warming, abortion rights and that U.S. oil companies are gouging American consumers! When last I looked those were bedrock beliefs of the left. O'Reilly is a populist. There's a difference.

Great points.

Of course what Franken fails to point out (maybe intentionally) is that it was Democrats who put the emblem on the flag in the first place in defiance of the burgeoning civil rights movement in the 1950s.

In fact the new flag was adopted in preperation for the centennial of the War Between the States & also to raise awareness over the deteriorating state of the Confederate Battle Flags. Remember: if they wanted to be in "defiance" of the alleged burgeoning civil rights movement, they would have certainly taken some more result based measures. Who the hell was ever pressured by the mere changing of a flag which would ever only be seen in the local region? If the adoption of the then new Georgia flag was based on "defiance" I am sure Washington must have been laughing. It is clear that the flag was changed in relation to local historical reasons concerning the upcomming centennial of the War Washington waged against the erstwhile local sovereign nation.

Franken also writes that the "worst traitors in the history" of our country were "Confederates."

O I see. So if one does not go along with the fascist agenda of the centralized regime which aimed at taxing the South far out of proportion: then those who resist are tar brushed as traitors? Is that how it works? Then according to Franken's logic so too would have to be those who fought to secede from Britain. Those secesionst folks who fought for the independence of the colonies would also have to be "traitors" as well.

The North were the true traitors for usupring the Constitution / perpetuating the institution of chattle slavery & trying to pass a Constitutional Amendment aimed at preserving this aborrant institution / invading a sovereign nation in violation of everything that the Constitution stood for / & most of all for killing hundreds of thousands of people for the crime of defeding their sovereignty & independence from the fascistic warlords of the North.

Sorry Frankie boy but your specious half witted Northern apologist anti-South & jack boot reasoning is utter bunk. & an absolute disgrace to all those Confederates of all races & creeds who fought for their freedom from your precious warlord fascist Union.

Of course it had nothing to do with that, we were just honoring Confederate veterans." [Note: which is an odd argument, given that the flag they replaced was based on the CSA political flag, the "Stars and Bars."
posted on 09/05/2003 9:04 AM PDT by lugsoul

Not at all an odd argument as those who fought for their independence fought under the Confederate Battle Flag & not the flag of a political regime. Though in fairness some in the beginging did fight using the Confederate First National Flag (which is what the pre 1956 Georgia flag was based on) & other regional battle flags. Though the Confederate Battle Flag (formerly also the Naval flag) came to symbolize the average impoverished soldier who fought for his freedom & the safety of his family from invading Northers. Which is mainly why it was adopted or incorperated into some of the flags of the region.

[KPfromDerryNH]

That was my all time favorite SNL skit...I could never really say why though. Say, why havn't we met yet? Guess its a matter of time in this small state, I'll be listening for your Arkansas accent!

[GraniteStateConservative]

Are you in NH-GOP leadership at all? I have a three-year-old and a wife, so I don't get to many statewide events except to state committee meetings and platform conventions.

[Myrnick]

Absolutely hilarious!!!

[maica]

As soon as you start using logic in your political thought you start to reject Socialist Liberalism because it just does not make a whole lot of sense.

-----

I have come to believe that many Leftists who claim that there is no liberal bias are waiting to hear refutations of positions taken by conservative commentators. Since the left does not argue with logic, the listeners wait in vain. This they perceive to be a vacuum.

[freekitty]

Al Frankin is just a distraction. They are giving him publicity for the upcoming liborat talk show.

[presidio9]

Agreed. TooGoodReports is desperately in need of an editor.


(so is presidio9)

[perfect stranger]

Anytime Christopher Walken is on SNL I'll watch.