Posted on 08/25/2003 4:18:46 AM PDT by prarie earth
Edited on 05/26/2004 5:16:12 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
You are sooooo talented!
... and then the star is replaced by a black hole, I believe...
Two years ago, on our first flight since 9/11 and already feeling as nervous as I thought we could get, my wife and I were on a flight from Honolulu to N.Y., and who should we be sitting behind but international bon vivant and television star, Star Jones! I thought she was having a bad reaction to the stress of flying combined with perhaps a glass of wine or some Xanax, but alas, after reading of your experience, I see that this may be a pattern.
Although she was returning from a stint as a judge at the 34th Annual International Poi & PuPu Cook-off, she was ravenous, demanding whatever food the stewardesses had on their carts. People sitting behind her were beginning to voice their displeasure, due to their meals being consumed by the rotund raconteur. Soon, the passengers were getting into an uproar, causing the captain and his crew to get involved to try and soothe their passions.
Ms. Jones sat there oblivious to all but her gastric demands! The crew finally gave in and tried to placate her by dedicating one steward, a very buff and butch young man named Rod who had the most fabulous hair, to bring meals, snack food items, soft drinks, liquor, and wine directly to her seat, or I should say, seats.
This worked for about 15 minutes, but she then sprang from her seat, or more accurately, lurched and staggered much like a wounded hippo recovering from a Seconal overdose, forced her way to the aisle on the other side of the jumbojet, and started taking the food earmarked for the other passengers.
When they complained she bellowed out, "Do you know who I am?!?! Do you?!?!" She then produced, from one of the rolls formed by the seemingly limitless flesh of her busom, an 11" X 14" scrapbook, complete with press clippings and photos from her role on "The View" and her many appearances on such programs as David Letterman's "Late Show" and Jay Leno's "Tonight Show," a 1998 appearance on "All My Children," and what she said was her crowning and proudest achievement: Being the first human to ever double as a parade float during the 2003 Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade.
"Aren't you that nice lady from "Give Me a Break? I loved that show!" said Mrs. Herbert L. Schoenhoeffer of Omaha.
"I am Starlet Marie Jones, an' don't you forget it, suckas!" she roared as the plane's right wing dipped toward the rolling waves of the Pacific due to the sudden weight shift within the cabin. I was shocked to say the least; I had never thought of her as being the type of celebrity to use her immense status for unfair advantage over the common folk.
She then grabbed a fully-loaded cart and tried to fling it against the fuselage wall, a la Peter Buck of R.E.M. in his infamous run-in with British Air officials a few years ago.
Just then, a quick-thinking trio of Navy Seals returning from R&R, quietly observing the incident as they sat in their civilian clothing, leapt into action. One opened the side door of the cabin (a testament to the desperation and gathering danger of the situation, to be sure) as the other two grabbed Ms. Jones from behind and maneuvered her towards an eventual date with the blue Pacific below.
But, as fate would have it, and fortunately for ABC's ratings, the sheer girth of its star, enhanced as it was by the giga-caloric binge of this episode, prevented her from being pushed through. She instead served as a makeshift door, hermetically sealing the opening for the rest of the flight and allowing the other passengers to consume whatever scraps had been left in the wake of what my wife refers to as "Hurricane Jones!" We'll surely never forget our brush with this talented and entertaining young lady!
Henry Lee II
"Leftists are crazed and violent people,
With the blood of millions on their hands.”
She has gorgeous eyes.
Carnie Wilson is very pregnant, that's why she is appearing to have gained some of her weight back.
Get your facts before you post.....
Maybe it's you who should check the facts before posting. This is 13 months old.
Besides Carney Wilson STILL looks monumentally fat. How can a person go through life eating a tablespoon or two of food at each meal (as she has described).
Zing
It doesn't happen too often.... :) Thanks
That's why it's so Special, on the Zinger, the Zingee, and the ZO (ZingerObserver)!
I recommend a good grammar book before your next post.
So, we've hijacked a 13 month old thread. Why is it newbies always find these obscure threads?
You signed up today just to post that? You are so sweet.
I don't know. Speeking of newbies, check out these recent sign up names:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/user-posts?id=213680
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/user-posts?id=213681
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/user-posts?id=213682
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/user-posts?id=213683
To answer your question, Gastric Bypass Surgery not only reduces the size of your stomach to reduce the amount that you can consume, it also causes malabsorbtion. Only part of what is eaten is absorbed by the body. So, there is more to it than just eating less. Not to mention the fact that following the post-surgical diet without the surgery is *very* difficult and the hunger pains are phenominal.
Also, they have found that the procedure is curing type 2 diabeties in patients who are not "morbidly" obese.
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