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You Better Read the Warning Label (This is series)
Internet Chain Email ^ | May 30, 2003 | Unknown

Posted on 05/30/2003 7:41:18 AM PDT by w_over_w

In case you need proof that the human race is in series trouble because product manufacturers think we're stupid, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (this is series)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (given some of today’s parent’s . . . probably a good warning)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Huh?)

That’s it! But let’s conclude this post with a list a things that make you go Hmmmmmmm . . .

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?


TOPICS: Free Republic; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: humor; warninglabels
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Given FRs vast knowledge base, these have probably been posted a million times. But if I have brought a smile to just one life . . . sniff . . . it was worth it.

Have a great weekend . . .

1 posted on 05/30/2003 7:41:18 AM PDT by w_over_w
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To: Sir Gawain; Shermy; Texaggie79; Rebelbase; Cagey
Ping to the funny guys!
2 posted on 05/30/2003 7:42:04 AM PDT by w_over_w (I'll still luv ya if yer covered in mud . . . just like I luv muh pick up truk!)
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To: PetroniDE
Please ping your cat lovers (except me) . . . they need Friday humor also.
3 posted on 05/30/2003 7:43:20 AM PDT by w_over_w (I'll still luv ya if yer covered in mud . . . just like I luv muh pick up truk!)
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To: w_over_w
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
4 posted on 05/30/2003 7:47:01 AM PDT by So Cal Rocket (Free Miguel and Priscilla!)
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To: w_over_w
These warning labels are very necessary for the average Democrat voter (at least those who are alive, at least).

As proof, I refer you to the Florida ballot fiasco.
5 posted on 05/30/2003 7:47:17 AM PDT by babyface00
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To: w_over_w
I've been in the shower here for some time. The label on the Shampoo says "Apply, Rinse, Repeat".
6 posted on 05/30/2003 7:48:05 AM PDT by isthisnickcool (This tag line may be closer than it appears in the mirror.)
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To: w_over_w
Why is the word "little" twice as big as the word "big"?
7 posted on 05/30/2003 7:49:27 AM PDT by TheBigB (You can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.)
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To: isthisnickcool
I've been in the shower here for some time. The label on the Shampoo says "Apply, Rinse, Repeat".

The guy who added the word "repeat" to the shampoo bottle instructions doubled shampoo sales overnight. He was immediately promoted with a big raise. No kidding.

8 posted on 05/30/2003 7:50:29 AM PDT by So Cal Rocket (Free Miguel and Priscilla!)
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To: w_over_w
Galagher: Why don't they make a butt flavored cat food?

Steven Wright: Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song:

Flurry: If I was supposed to be funny, I'd be a damn comedian.
9 posted on 05/30/2003 7:50:34 AM PDT by Conspiracy Guy (Paper or plastic? That is the question.)
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To: babyface00
Why do we drive on the parkway, yet park in the driveway?
10 posted on 05/30/2003 7:51:23 AM PDT by So Cal Rocket (Free Miguel and Priscilla!)
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To: Flurry
Galagher: Why don't they make a butt flavored cat food?

Bwaaaa-haaaa-haaaa! One of mine would scarf that flavor down . . . big time!

11 posted on 05/30/2003 7:52:51 AM PDT by w_over_w (I'll still luv ya if yer covered in mud . . . just like I luv muh pick up truk!)
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To: w_over_w
Why do you park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
12 posted on 05/30/2003 7:54:17 AM PDT by Alouette (Why is it called "International Law" if only Israel and the United States are expected to keep it?)
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To: So Cal Rocket
Why don't I read the whole thread before posting a response?
13 posted on 05/30/2003 7:55:12 AM PDT by Alouette (Why is it called "International Law" if only Israel and the United States are expected to keep it?)
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To: w_over_w
On a can of mace: "Warning Eye Irritant"
Why does sour cream have an expiration date ?
Why do we have a white sale on Lincolns birthday ?
Why is easy listening music so hard to listen to ?
14 posted on 05/30/2003 7:58:49 AM PDT by HEY4QDEMS
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To: w_over_w
Hahahaha! Some very good ones there but the one about the peanuts has me stumped.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

I can never open the packet in the fist place!

15 posted on 05/30/2003 7:59:08 AM PDT by Cagey
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To: Flurry
Gallagher and Steven Wright, polar opposites, have both made a living out of the contradictions in the English language. Someone had to do it.

My school colors are ... clear.

Michael

16 posted on 05/30/2003 8:04:31 AM PDT by Wright is right! (Have a profitable day!)
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To: Alouette
Why don't I read the whole thread before posting a response?

ROFLOL! You're not alone!

17 posted on 05/30/2003 8:04:35 AM PDT by w_over_w (I'll still luv ya if yer covered in mud . . . just like I luv muh pick up truk!)
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To: Cagey
Steven Wright... I have some instant water..., I don't know what to mix it with.
18 posted on 05/30/2003 8:06:20 AM PDT by Aeronaut ("Diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail.")
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To: w_over_w
Question for FReepers:

I've noticed, as in the title of this thread, that many of you are using the word 'series'? What's up with that? Is it some play on the word 'Serious'?
19 posted on 05/30/2003 8:07:43 AM PDT by IvanT
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To: Aeronaut
Steven Wright... My new girlfriend; I'm not sure if she's pretty, or just looks pretty.
20 posted on 05/30/2003 8:07:50 AM PDT by Aeronaut ("Diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail.")
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