(Washington, D.C.) -- In a little reported provision of the Patriot Act of 2003, former president Bill Clinton has been exiled to the island of Elba along with his wife, members of his cabinet, and George Stephanopoulos.
"Frankly, Clinton was just becoming a pain in the ass," said Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), a co-sponsor of the legislation. "Jesus, we're all sick and tired of hearing about the 'most ethical administration in US history.' I mean, you try to explain to your 90-year old grandmother what "hummer" means."
According to the provisions of the bill, the Clinton entourage will not be allowed any contact with the outside world except for weekly parachute drops of Moonpies, Mountain Dew, frozen White Castle hamburgers, and back issues of The Nation and Swank magazines.
A spokesman for the former president said that Mr. Clinton is "looking forward to this exciting new opportunity to serve the American people." George Stephanopoulos told this reporter that he is currently re-reading The Lord of the Flies.
William Grim, for Iconclast