Posted on 05/20/2003 5:44:56 PM PDT by ATOMIC_PUNK
Tree That Give Meat Instead Of Fruit!
Friday May 16, 2003
By MICHAEL CHIRON
MANCHESTER, England -- Here's some good news that vegetarians can really sink their teeth into: Researchers have developed genetically engineered fruit trees that bear real meat!
Fruit from the new Meat Trees, developed by British scientists using gene-splicing technology, closely resembles ordinary grapefruit. But when you peel the large fruit open, inside is fresh beef.
"Our trees may sound like something out of a science fiction movie, but it's really a simple, down-to-earth idea whose time has come," declares Dr. Vincent Tartley, director of agricultural bioengineering research for the UltraModAgri Group, which created the amazing trees.
"Vegetarians have been complaining for years that despite their moral convictions against consuming meat, they still crave the flavor of a good steak once in a while. Now they can have their cake and eat it too."
Although it's taken 12 years to develop the trees, the concept is simple.
"We take the genes from cattle that produce key proteins and splice them into the reproductive cells of grapefruit trees," he says. "When the seeds mature into trees, instead of producing ordinary citrus fruit, the pulp contains meat. You get the flavor, texture -- even the smell."
Those who've sampled the meat agree it tastes like the real thing.
"I was a bit skeptical at first when I sank my teeth into a hamburger after they told me it grew on a tree," says Londoner Mark Basker, 41, who participated in a consumer taste-test. "But it was juicy and delicious -- nothing leafy about it at all."
Meat grown on trees needs only sun, water and fertilizer and thus is more cost-effective than raising livestock, Dr. Tartley also points out.
Meat Tree products could be on the market in Great Britain by year's end and, pending USDA approval, on dinner plates in the U.S. by 2005.
Some fanatical vegetarians insist they could never eat meat -- even if it grew on a tree and no animals had to be killed. Others love the idea.
"My mouth is watering already," says a committed vegetarian of 20 years.
But religious leaders are uneasy about "trans-species genetic engineering." "Mixing animal and vegetable DNA to create a new species is playing God," argues Rev. Lawrence Bedlow, Britain's leading expert in medical ethics.
I suppose he prefers cupping and leeches also.
It'll certainly make hunting season a bit more fruitful......
By MIKE FOSTER
ABILENE, Texas -- So many U.S. teens are now getting high from sniffing manure that horrified educators, family values advocates and law enforcement officials are calling for a ban on the stomach-turning practice.
But a group says that idea stinks -- because members sniff manure to improve their health and claim a daily whiff of cow pie can keep a host of illnesses at bay, ranging from Lou Gehrig's Disease to brain tumors!
"Sniffing manure for medicinal purposes has been a tradition in Asia for thousands of years," notes activist Jim Wingold, an outspoken advocate of the practice and director of the Dallas-based Manure Use Rights Coalition.
"Peasants swore by dung as a cure for a variety of ailments, including arthritis, hemorrhoids, impotence, heart disease and even cancer.
"The U.S. government shouldn't ban this. It should be encouraging and funding scientific studies to see just how powerful a cure-all manure really is."
Lawmakers turn up their noses at that proposal, noting they've been swamped by calls from parents of teens addicted to manure-sniffing.
But angry Wingold declares, "Politicians can't let themselves be swayed by a bunch of hysterical know-nothings.
"Lives are at stake here."
It was in the early 1990s that recreational manure-sniffing first surfaced in the U.S., believed to have been brought over by Malaysian immigrants.
Enthusiasts say that breathing in fumes from fresh cow dung induces a natural high more potent than heroin or cocaine -- not to mention cheaper.
Since then, the craze has grown steadily, especially in the Southwest. Educators say they've seen the "corrosive effects" of the trend, claiming the manure-sniffing fad has led to increased truancy and vandalism.
"You'll see a bunch of kids cut class and head out back to the pastures," says a high-school teacher in Abilene.
"They come back with a glassy look in their eyes and a stupid smile on their faces. You look at their shoes and you know exactly what they've been up to."
But advocates of cow-pie snorting insist it has improved their health.
"I used to suffer from terrible acne and no medicine worked," says a 22-year-old manure user who asked to be identified only as Sam.
"Then a friend told me about sniffing cow manure and I thought, 'What do I have to lose?'
"After sniffing cow manure for six months, my acne cleared up."
Editor's note: Weekly World News does not endorse manure sniffing in any way, shape or form.
Always consult with your physician before sniffing cow manure.
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