101 Sea Stories and Some Assorted BS from All Ye Scoundrels Who Ought to be Keelhauled Part IV

Blackshoes, Airdales, Bubbleheads, Snipes, Jarheads, etc. ^ | 9/20/2000 and on and on and on.. | Ronin

[piasa]

(Repost : See Previous threads for context) After obtaining permission from Commodore Jim Robinson, I hereby dedicate this thread to 101 or more sea stories.

For the innocents among us, a sea story is an experience (or a good lie) that a person associated with the Naval service either remembers personally or has had told to him at one time in the past.

It has been said that the difference between a sea story and a fairy tale is that a fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time..." while a Sea Story begins with "This is a no-shi++er..."

I personally prefer stories to be true, but given the entertainment value of a well told sea story, I doubt if anyone is going to cry "foul" if a moderate amount of creative embellishment creeeps it's way into the account.

Also subject to Jim Rob's approval, normal standards of language usage may be relaxed for this thread. This is, in my opinion, necessitated by the fact that a sea story without a bit of salty lingo is about as interesting as flat warm beer.

So have at, shipmates! Let's hear your best one!

-------------------------------------------------------

In the interests of modesty, I will refrain from tooting my own stories until a few responses get posted. That way I can take all the credit for a neato thread if it turns out great and can save my best ones for another time if the thread flops.

1 Posted on 09/20/2000 17:29:32 PDT by Ronin

[piasa]

I dedicate this brand spanking new repost of Ronin's never ending sea stories thread to our great and gallant military, past and present, and to all those serving in the Coaltition of the Willing.

May God bless them, every one, even if they embellish their exploits a little now and then.

[piasa]

FYI - The FreeRepublic Sea Stories Saga continues- this time on a thread that actually works...

[piasa]

THREAD 1 : 101 Sea Stories [Will Most likely Contain Indelicate Language]

THREAD 2

THREAD 3

[freedom9]

Bump

[Vermonter]

As I returned one morning to my Destroyer (USS Robert H. McCard DD 822) tied up at the pier in Charleston, SC, I observed a young 'deck ape' sweeping the main deck up toward the bow.

When he reached the Bull Nose, he continued, without pause, to pitch his broom over the bow.

_________________________________________________

In a typical government employee action, on the same ship, we were having some type of spare parts audit. It was discovered that we had two spare Cyclotrons for the Fire Control Radar as opposed to the one spare we should have had.

The obvious solution to this dilemna was to pitch the excessive Cyclotron over the side. (These things were supposedly worth ~$25K in 1969 dollars)

[Poohbah]

Now set condition "This is no shit."

Once upon a time, my father was a naval officer. Another officer in his unit said "We should rename this unit to more accurately reflect our mission. We say we are Commander, Fleet Operational Computers, Pacific, but we REALLY are in charge of utility computers."

This was accepted, and they got as far as getting the new plain language address for their message traffic before realizing that they'd been had.

Commander, Fleet Utility Computers, Pacific translated to the following message address: COMFUCPAC

[Delta 21]

He He....they shoulda kep it!

[Ronin]

Whee!!!! The thread is back. Hope to see some new ones.

I have to go back and see if there were any on thread three I missed.

[dighton]

bttt

[tarawa]

have to come back to this one in a bit...

[Eastbound]

Well, the only one I remember is the one about the skipper who challenged the boatswain who never lost a bet. I can't repeat it here, but if any of you old guys remember the one about the candle maybe you can dress it up a bit and post it. On second thought, never mind.

[GATOR NAVY]

bump

[orlop9]

A bosun I worked with once told me a story about a crazy-a$$ Norwegian Captain he worked with once on an oil tanker. The crew was made up of Muslim Africans who pray towards Mecca at certain times of the day. Before prayers they would call the bridge and ask for the course being steered. This crazy skipper would wait till prayers start and then CHANGE COURSE. The Muslims obviously didn't see the humor and after a few times, stormed up to the bridge screaming, You Debil, You Debil.

Not to worry though, the Bosun told me, they got even. Somehow the crew got their hands on some Nair, (what they were doing with Nair on an Oil Tanker there's no telling) and replaced the Captains shampoo with Nair. When his hair started falling out by the handfull he got off the ship, thinking he'd caught some weird disease from the Africans.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

bump

[Diver Dave]

Bump. I'll be back later. Just marking the spot for now.

[Genesis defender]

Things that go BUMP in the night.

[dsc]

One very, very dark night in the Pacific, several dopers went out on the fantail to smoke a "doobie." It was so dark that the last one in line passed the MJ cig to the Master at Arms.

No shit.

[NFOShekky]

Shipmates, the truth is stranger than fiction and after 22 years haze grey and underway, I could write a book. . . A good one that my dad, a Korean War Navyman, told me is as follows:

His carrier was conducting ASW (antisubmarine warfare) operations and tracking a Soviet sub when the war started. The Captain, wanting to motivate the crew gave a rousing speech that ended with "and now the hunter . . . may be the hunted!" General Quarters was then sounded and the brave crew (that went on to win seven battle stars in that war) proceeded to their abandon ship stations!

[Gee Wally]

This made me think of a bumper-sticker I saw for the USS Nimitz back in the late '70s. It said: BOHICA, Our Screws Never Stop Turning. BOHICA being an acronym for "Bend Over Here It Comes Again". Now I wasn't stationed on the Nimitz and I don't know what the true story is, but what I heard was that somehow, someone on the Nimitz convinced their XO or whoever it was that that reviewed the thing that Bohica was some sort of Indian (Native American, in today's parlance) word. Whatever the case was, those bumper-stickers were always good for a laugh.

[PatriotCJC]

I'll never forget the time we were ulling to Pusan Korea and as we were pulling into port (I was conning Officer) a bloated body passed down the staroard side. When we pointed it out to the pilot he just shrugged his shoulders and said "huh". We kept on going.