FRENCH PREZ OFFERS BUSH SURRENDER TIPS

French President Jacques Chirac warned that a U.S. invasion of Iraq would only inflame terrorism by giving rise to "little bin Ladens" __________________________________________________________ That may be very true. Certainly, "they" won't take it lying down. But that should not deter us one bit: if not this action spurring the mini-bins then some other action will. We will deal with them as they arise until you and the rest of the world gets it. The POINT, monsiuer, is that WE will not allow attacks against us to go unpunished or unrequited, as it were, while you pine over big macs. Seems to us here that the only part of the soda jerk job that stuck with you was the "jerk" part.

Just got this in an email - don't know if it's made the rounds yet:

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all.

Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangere (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guard in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American Armed Forces.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954.

"We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories."

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

When Saddam Hussein asked Chirac to advise him as to how many troops would be needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. France has no experience in defending its capital city."

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