Posted on 10/14/2002 1:42:54 PM PDT by Boonie Rat
New element discovered - Governmentium
Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Governmentium (Gv).
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 supervisory neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the deputy neutrons, supervisory neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange places.
In fact, any Governmentium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass" (or Your Ass). You will know it when you see it.
Older I believe. But it's still good and still mostly true. I do like the older name, Administratium, becaue that applies to the bean counter and paper shuffler types in most every type of organization, especially those with more than one layer of management.
I think it goes back at least to the days of the ARPANET, when all there was was email and FTP.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.