The Liberal Lexicon A Conservative's Dictionary of Libberish

LIBERAL CATECHISM

WHAT IS THE GREATEST PURSUIT OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT?

A: To save the Planet and all its People from the evils of Free Enterprise: Cultural, Social, Economic and Ecological Injustice; That is the greatest pursuit of the Human Spirit.

WHAT IS THE GREATEST CONDITION IN WHICH THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD CAN LIVE?

A: Under the protection of an International Benign Third Way Sociologist Proportionally Representative Redistributive Politically Corrected World-Wide Utopia, there would be no hunger, no poverty or homelessness, no ignorance, no racism or sexism or humiliation of homosexuals, no gap between the wealthy and the underprivileged. Food, housing and clothing, transportation, education, meaningful and high-paying employment would all be Essential Rights, redistributed freely from the rich to the poor by the One World Compassionate Feminist Activist Parliament.

WHAT DO WE CALL THE SAVIORS OF HUMANITY?

A: Those selfless, eternally dissatisfied activists who never give up, never give up, never give up on the Sociologist’s dream of a classless International society wherein the parasitic Rich are destroyed on behalf of the noble Poor are called DEMOCRATS. Their most dedicated, angry, vocal and determined crusaders are called LIBERALS. They lead the waves of underprivileged victims of Capitalism to the Promised Land where dignity and prosperity are entitlements.

WHY DO LIBERALS WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD?

A: As long as Inequity and Injustice exist, as long as the Upper Classes exploit the Masses, as long as one person has more than another, Liberals will work to destroy the Capitalist social order and establish a world-wide Worker’s Paradise where no one profits by the labor, domination, or oppression of another. Greed and Profit have ruined the World, and Liberals must set it right. Saving the World is the Liberal’s joyful burden.

HOW DO WE KNOW LIBERALISM IS THE CORRECT PATH TO WORLD SALVATION?

A: The Truths of Liberalism are self-evident, and thereby above debate. Anyone who disagrees with them is wrong and immoral; any competing system of ethics is wrong and immoral; any opposition to them is wrong and immoral. The Truths of Liberalism are Perfect.

WHAT ARE THE TRUTHS OF LIBERALISM?

A: All People are equal and they deserve equally happy lives; It is the mission of the Sociologist Activist Redistributive Government to give all People equal results in life.

A: War is Bad, Peace is Good; Hate is Bad, Love is Good; the Third Way International Parliament must outlaw all weapons, demilitarize the World, and pass laws that force people to love each other and treat each other well.

A: Greed is Bad, Compassion is Good. Profits are Bad, Sharing is Good. The Wealth must be redistributed for the moral benefit of All.

A: The Wealthy are Bad, the Poor are good; It’s the job of Liberal Government to use the immoral gains of the Upper Class to support the Dreams of the Underprivileged.

A: Each of us is responsible for the well-being of other People, and the Global Liberal Feminist Village must care for every World Citizen from cradle to grave.

A: Injustice and Inequity abound. The World is filled with Evil and it must be set right.

A: Good Hate is Love. The Liberal cause is Good, Perfect, and Correct, incapable of error or guilt. Liberal Intolerance of Intolerance is not Intolerance; Liberal Hatred of Hatred is not Hatred. Liberal Bigotry against Bigotry is not Bigotry. Good Hate is the Righteous Anger of the Democrat.

WHAT ARE THE TOOLS AND TACTICS OF LIBERALISM?

A: To build a Perfect Global Utopian Society, Liberals use a vast array of weapons and strategies: Protest assemblies, Social Disobedience, Violence, Lies and Distortion, Political Correctness, the constant Revision of History, Anger and Good Hate, Attacks on the Wealthy, Perjury, Furious Hyperbole, Taxation, Rage, and NGO’s.

WHAT ARE NGO’S AND WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTANT?

A: Non-Governmental Organizations are little Liberal Revolutionary cabals strategically spread across America and throughout the World. Privately owned and operated (though funded by both Democratic Party and public grants), they masquerade as Women’s Health Clinics, Workers’ Rights Offices, Legal Information Services, Institutes for Global Education, Cultural Exchange Centers, Alternative Learning Academies, etc. In reality they’re pro-active Third Way Liberal political cells that practice social sedition in an effort to undermine and destabilize the traditional social order in Politically Incorrect countries and inevitably establish the International Third Way Sociologist Parliament in their place.

They offer Abortion; Union Building; special rights and protections for Women, Blacks, and Homosexuals; Social Justice counseling; Environmental Fascism, and an incessant overarching contempt for Capitalism, Heterosexuality, Free Enterprise, and Socially Insensitive Greed.

By introducing Liberalism into Muslim, Asian, African, and ancient Indigenous societies, the seeds of the Third Way Utopia are sown in every land.

WHAT ARE “THIRD WAY” POLITICS?

A: The Third Way of Politics is a hybrid theory that uses the means and wealth of Evil Capitalism to affect the morally responsible goals of Noble Communism. The accumulation of Wealth is encouraged so that money can be redistributed in the name of Social Justice.

The Liberal Activist Government must be Market-friendly, encouraging huge earnings so those profits may be redistributed to the traditional Marxian victims of Prejudice, Immoral Materialism, and Inequity.

WHO ARE THE “APOSTLES OF LIBERALISM”?

A: Those Leftists in the public eye who are devoted to the downfall of Injustice, Inequity, Iniquity, Inequality, and Intolerance who use their positions of public trust and influence to undermine the forces of evil are called the “Apostles of Liberalism.” These zealots include News Pundits and Reporters, College Teachers, Movie Stars, Sports Heroes, Ministers, Librarians, Magazine and Book Writers, Artists, and Opinion Page Editors.

Noble Crusaders all, they’ve worked 24 hours a day, every day, for decades on end, doing everything they can to destroy anything that stands in their way, anyone who dares to disagree with the Truths of Liberalism. With no compunction of any sort, they spin outright lies, revise history into pure fiction, libel and slander whomever they please, distort and parse the language until the crimes of Liberals become the valiant, selfless acts of obvious but misunderstood heroes.

There is no murky depth to which they will not sink in the pursuit of their goals; there is no act too outrageous that it can’t be performed in service to the ideals that will bring their Sociologist Utopia to the World. Surely these Apostles are the ushers of the Third Way.

HOW ELSE DO THE APOSTLES SPREAD THEIR THIRD WAY POLITICS?

A: Left slanted News Choreography; Relentless character assassination; the Deconstruction of Historical Political Heroes (like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln) into vicious monsters; the packing of primary and secondary school libraries with Gay-Friendly and Feminist books; the repetition of deceptive propaganda until it seems like the truth; transferring the faults of the Left onto the Right, blaming others for what they themselves do wrong; endless attacks on traditionally moral institutions like Christianity and the Boy Scouts; daily cries of Racism, Sexism, and Bigotry; Gender envy, Race envy, and Economic envy; and most importantly: the pernicious, all pervasive practice of Victimology.

WHAT IS “VICTIMOLOGY?”

A: Victimology is the wonderful political theory which accurately asserts that White Men have oppressed and victimized Women and Minorities throughout all human history. From ancient times until now, White Men have owned (and destroyed) everything and everyone else in their path. It’s for this reason (and no other reason) that the social position of today’s Women and Minorities is one of constant and abject wretchedness. It is the duty of the Politically Corrected Activist Proportional Parliament to systematically disenfranchise White Men, wherever they may be, from their jobs and accumulated Wealth, then redistribute those opportunities and assets to their historical victims. Without this benign sociological engineering, the Injustices and Inequalities of the past will destroy the future. Today’s White Men must be punished for the crimes of their forefathers.

WHAT IS THE GREATEST JOY OF LIBERALISM?

A: The greatest joy of Liberalism is the certain knowledge that, through our Eternal Unrelenting Struggle, the wonderful Global Third Way Sociologist Parliamentary Utopia will inevitably rule the entire planet. We will never give up.

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