Comedian Calls Telemarketers at Dawn

AP via Newsday ^ | April 22, 2002, 9:28 PM EDT | NANCY ZUCKERBROD

[Jean S]

Louisville comedian Tom Mabe went undercover at a telemarketing convention in the nation's capitol Monday to turn the tables on an industry he loves to hate.

He was on the phone calling telemarketers in their hotel rooms before dawn Monday.

Asked if he felt bad about waking the telemarketers and owners of call centers who attended the American Teleservices Association conference, Mabe said no way. "What they do is so intrusive," he said. "I think it's trespassing."

Mabe was working out of his home office writing commercial jingles in 1993 when telemarketing calls started to exasperate him.

[George from New England]

A big CT bump...click!

[piasa]

That's hillarious.

I used to answer my unlisted home phone (yes, the @$$#0les even call unlisted numbers) with "Hello, Better Business Bureau, how can I help you?" or "navy recruiting center, when do you want to join up?" - which always produce long pauses and some 'uh...uhs.' I could use some of this comedian's lines, that's for sure. But on my business phone, unfortunately, I can't do that. Now I get their company name, black them out of my phone book, and then make sure none of them ever get my business.

[umgud]

When they call my house, I ask if they can hold a minute, then I put the phone on the tv, a few minutes later I shout to my kids and ask if they've seen the phone,,,,,

[Jean S]

That's funny! I'm going to do that from now on.

[dighton]

Dunno this guy, but I think I like him.

Riiiiiiiing!

[strela]

I loved it when the telemarketers from the Arthur Murray Dance Studio used to call here a few years back,usually just as I was sitting down to supper. I kept one on the phone for almost 20 minutes once, nattering about my bogus "war record" in Vietnam and my love of ballroom dancing, and how I'd just love to be better at it. Then I dropped the hammer - I asked the TM if they offered wheelchair lessons because I stepped on a mine on patrol which blew off both my legs ...

Pity they don't call here any more.

[DennisR]

I was getting calls from some company, and when I tried to call them, all I could get was an answering machine. So I did something similar to what you did. I played a CD on my computer, called the answering machine, acted as though I was interrupted, and asked "them" to excuse me. I then set the phone on the computer and left it there until the time limit had been reached on their recorder. I did that several more times until I got tired of doing it. Any other ideas our there?

[RippleFire]

While I enjoy the various comedic responses as much as anyone, I find more satisfying the magic words:

Put me on your "do not call" list

Shuts them right up.

[TheBattman]

(yes, the @$$#0les even call unlisted numbers)

That's because many don't use marketing lists, instead using dial sheets - basically a sheet with every number within a certain range ---

555-1000 through 555-1100

Next sheet

555-1101-555-1200

etc.... I know this because I sold the Dallas Morning News via Tele-marketing two summers of my life.

[Rebelbase]

For a while it was fun to do a "Rainman" impersonation when they called. Now I just don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the number.

[buzzyboop]

No matter how tempted I am to blow a telemarketer off, or let him or her have it, I realize that the the person on the other end of the line is not some hotshot manager, but a working stiff like me just trying to make a living. Maybe they'll find something better soon, but this is their job.

I may just say no, thank you, I may add to the 'do not call' list, but I will always be polite.

[stumpy]

I used to ask them for a call back number and told them I'd call in 3 minutes. Drive to a pay phone, call them and leave the phone off the hook tying up their line for hours or days, till somebody used the pay phone.

[tubebender]

I wonder if this is the same guy the WallStreet Journal wrote about a few years ago. I got lots of ideas from him. Just off the top of the hat kind of things to keep them engaged because they have script and just so many seconds to score. Some time I would engage them for more info then lay the phone down...or tell my wife just killed one of the kids and I needed to call my lawyer...or tell them I am expecting a phone call from my dead mother...or tell them I just filed bankruptcy but I thought my credit card was good for one more day...Now I jusrtask them for their supervisor so I can have my name removed from their list.

[jlogajan]

Get caller ID and screen with an answering machine. You can pick up on known callers and let unknowns speak to the machine. Also block anonymous inbound calls if you have caller ID. I haven't had to answer a telemarketing call in about 10 years.

[martin_fierro]

Bump for great (poetic) justice!

[lmr]

I have received several calls from some outfit trying to sell home security systems. I always tell them I already have a home security system. "It's called a 38 special".

[MadelineZapeezda]

I now hand the phone over to my youngest daughter who is allowed to finish the call as she wishes! Here honey, it's for you!

[Doctor Don]

When they call I act interested and then I excuse myself telling them I need to answer the door bell and let them hang there!