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WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK!!!
carlbob | carlbob/rowdee

Posted on 12/31/2001 9:36:55 PM PST by Rowdee

REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

LET'S FACE IT--ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE!!!

1)There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

AND CONSIDER THIS......

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
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To: Husker24
Yes, but they have NO word for nausia. :-)
61 posted on 01/01/2002 12:32:12 AM PST by Marie
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To: HighWheeler
I've studied the English language for years--forty or so, to be exact. It is truly an illogical language yet somehow we manage to make use of it! This is nothing short of a miracle, don't you think? Your comments and those of others made my New Year's Day! I laughed heartily--thank god it isn't lungingly--the most I've laughed since Sept.11. Thank y'all so much!
62 posted on 01/01/2002 12:35:35 AM PST by democratsstealvotes
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To: tbeatty
My dear, if you try to make sense out of the English language, you will be crazy before you do. One explanation of it: English is a combination of many, many languages. English speakers are not like the French who will not accept words from another language even when they describe the subject better than the French words. But English speakers will take words from any language and pronounce them as they please and spell them in any way imaginable! Thus,the English language consists of a million words. The French have less than 100,000. (Give us English speakers your old, tired, worn, weird words and cast them upon our shores. We will absorb them in one way or another. It makes no difference to us!)
63 posted on 01/01/2002 12:49:34 AM PST by democratsstealvotes
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To: Rowdee
In 1869, John Schott and Alexander Knott fought a duel in the streets of El Paso. Now the shot Schott shot shot not Knott but Schott. You see... aw, forget it.
64 posted on 01/01/2002 1:03:03 AM PST by Bonaparte
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To: Harley - Mississippi
"...there is no English word that rhymes with orange."

That's what I thought, until a 7-year-old straightened me out. She asked, "What lives in the ocean and rhymes with 'orange'?" Told her I didn't know. She insisted it was easy and I should try harder, but I had to give up, so she gave me the answer -- "Sproinge, dummy!" Now I know.

65 posted on 01/01/2002 1:07:34 AM PST by Bonaparte
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To: Rowdee
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a bannana.
66 posted on 01/01/2002 1:27:24 AM PST by Mycroft Holmes
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To: democratsstealvotes
thank you. bump
67 posted on 01/01/2002 4:21:45 AM PST by HighWheeler
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Comment #68 Removed by Moderator

To: Rowdee
German's a good language for exploring Europe, after English of course. But with Greek, you're limited to one country, and there they speak English and German, while the cleaning staff does Russian.

Such a strange future we've arrived at.

69 posted on 01/01/2002 7:28:08 AM PST by struwwelpeter
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To: Rowdee
No worse than spanish, where you can make a complete sentence like this: Como como como. - Which means "I eat as I eat."
70 posted on 01/01/2002 9:49:08 AM PST by editor-surveyor
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To: Harley - Mississippi
"Quick ! Someone tell me an English word that rhymes with the word ORANGE."

Would you settle for a french one? - Try DERANGE, which means lunatic (more or less...) :-)

71 posted on 01/01/2002 9:53:04 AM PST by editor-surveyor
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To: Rowdee
1)There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

True, but then there is a horse in horseradish.

72 posted on 01/01/2002 9:55:00 AM PST by Revolting cat!
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To: Harley - Mississippi
"Of course the answer is, there is no English word that rhymes with orange."

Only if you disregard RANGE, and GRANGE, or even MAINGE.

(but never exchange) ;-)

73 posted on 01/01/2002 9:59:03 AM PST by editor-surveyor
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To: Rowdee
OK now, what's the difference between up the street and down the street, and between something that's cool and something that's hot? Am I making myself understood or understandable?
74 posted on 01/01/2002 9:59:38 AM PST by Revolting cat!
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To: editor-surveyor
Of course the answer is, there is no English word that rhymes with orange.

Sporange rhymes whith Orange. People actually made up that word so that it would rhyme with orange.

75 posted on 01/01/2002 10:30:03 AM PST by tbeatty
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To: VRWC_Member428
Risque, but right on topic!!
76 posted on 01/01/2002 10:36:26 AM PST by Rowdee
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To: operation clinton cleanup
Oh boy.....have a got a stack of them thar wurds fer u!! :)
77 posted on 01/01/2002 10:37:59 AM PST by Rowdee
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To: Rowdee
BTTT
78 posted on 01/01/2002 10:39:03 AM PST by Fiddlstix
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To: democratsstealvotes
..."Thus,the English language consists of a million words."...

Exactly.....and if there isn't one that will quite do, we'll create one.....just ask our President (or my 89 year old tomorrow Dad)! :)

79 posted on 01/01/2002 10:42:36 AM PST by Rowdee
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To: Bonaparte
Wait, wait......you're doing fine! Ya got the hang of it. :)
80 posted on 01/01/2002 10:43:57 AM PST by Rowdee
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