Wrapping Christmas Presents (With a Cat)

Cornell ^

[SAMWolf]

Wrapping Christmas Presents (With a Cat)

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

36. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

37. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

38. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.

[Sir Gawain]

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room.

LOL! So true! Once you open it, they don't want in. My cat can open doors on its own, that are not completely closed. I almost taught him to turn the lights out a few years ago.

[BlueLancer]

No, I had trained my møøse to stay out of the cheese.

It was the polar bears that I had trouble with ... big Polish polar bears carrying nasty Russian cheese.

Now, armadillos and aardvarks in the cheese were the worst ... not because of what they did to it but because cheese gives armadillos and aardvarks gas and you don't want to be in an enclosed room with gasey armadillos and aardvarks.

[Sir Gawain]

ping

[Sir Gawain]

ping

[SAMWolf]

I hate it when I open my fridge and find moose tracks in my cheesecake!
I keep telling the kids to make sure the fridge door is closed when they are done. Kids!!

[Lizavetta]

Remember this classic?

[Sir Gawain]

Oops.

[fearNlothin]

Hey,how'd you get a picture of my cat? But,thats not my X-mas tree?

[Lady Jag]

One thing missing from that cat wrapping list is claw holes. I have to admit that cats have been so wacky while I’m wrapping that I give up and finish wrapping the present with paper that the cat has made claw holey.

[Silly]

Here's a way to avoid all this nonsense:

Step 1. Place cat in airtight container.
Step 2. Proceed with the gift wrapping.

[Victoria Delsoul]

LOL.

[FLAMING DEATH]

Fun cat games highly recommended by my irritating calico named Marshmallow

Always play in the bathtub at three in the morning. Bonus points are added if there is water in the tub.

When possible, always play on hardwood floor or linoleum instead of on the carpet. Not only does this amplify any sound you make, the decresed traction also makes it more likely that you will destroy something valuable. Bonus points are added when you destroy something valuable at three in the morning.

Owner's expensive carpeted guitar amplifier cabinets make better scratching posts than the real thing. Try to get that carpet off there. Especially at three in the morning.

If there's a dog in the house, run up to it as if attacking it, then scamper away in order to get the dog to chase you. Repeat 152 times at around three in the morning, or until owner shoots randomly toward any noises he hears.

When using the litter box, be sure to scrape litter around for at least fifteen minutes after covering up your business, especially at three in the morning. Bonus points for digging without actually using the bathroom.

At three in the morning, wake up and begin crying to be let out. When you're let out, stand outside the door on the porch and whine to be let back in. Winner is the cat who gets let out/in most times before four in the morning without being killed by the owner.

[Capt. Tom]

Sit in one room while your cat's in an adjacent room and cast through the doorway into the room. Work the lure slightly and you will soon be trying to land that most elusive of catches: the 10-pound land cat.

I have an indoors only siamese cat . Ocassionally it gets outdoors.

My garage is attached to the house. To get the cat back inside I put up the garage door and take a spinning rod, with a feathered lure that looks like a badminton shuttle cock.

When I see the cat near the house I cast he lure near the cat and start the retrieve. I end up insided the garage and when the cat follows the retrieved lure into the garage I shut the door. -Tom

[Tennessee_Bob]

I've found that the easiest way to wrap presents when there is a møøse present is to distract the møøse, either with a large wheel of cheese, or with a sister, dressed as a large wheel of cheese.

[sneakypete]

I'll never forget building my knucklehead Harley with a litter of kittens trying to help me. They especially loved stuff like the little check valve balls that goes in the oil pump,and thoroughly enjoyed batting them across the floor.

Their mother used to get really steamed when I would spend what she thought was too much time reading,and not enough time petting the cat. She'd lay down across the pages of the book.

[NewHampshireDuo]

There should be a section on scaring humans half to death - such as, waiting in the dark, in the middle of a dark,dark night, under the bed - until your human stumbles up from said bed, still half asleep, to go to the bathroom, etc. Then, very silently, LEAP at their legs and run like h*ll when they yell from fright...(my mother had a cat that loved to do that...)

[11th Earl of Mar]

Teather Cat...hehehehe