Posted on 04/05/2022 4:25:50 AM PDT by Kaslin
The second of my two sons got married last week, and it prompted me to consider the question: What brings parents more joy: their child getting into a prestigious college or their child getting married (presumably to a good person)?
Three things prompted this question: my joy and pride, the joy of those who attended the wedding and the number of people who attended.
First, my joy and pride.
From a very early age, using a happiness scale of one to 10, I have never aimed to be a 10. I always assumed that those who experience 10s are also likely to experience threes. So, I have hoped and aimed to be a constant 7.5. That I have achieved this has been an enormous source of emotional stability in my life -- and much appreciated by my wife, friends and colleagues. Someone who is a consistent 7.5 is generally a pleasure to be around.
So, it was with some surprise when I realized, on the day of my son's wedding, that I was as close to a 10 as I've ever experienced.
It prompted me to review the epic days of my life.
With regard to one's children, for most people those days are:
The birth of one's child(ren).
The marriage of one's child(ren).
The birth of one's grandchild(ren).
As a traditional Jew, two days should be added to the list:
The bris (ritual circumcision of a baby boy on his eighth day of life) -- a day of unique religious and communal significance in Jewish life -- and the bar/bat mitzvah of one's son or daughter.
For me -- and many people I have since spoken to -- the marriage of one's child is the happiest of all these days. And I have experienced all of them.
As for pride, that, too, was extraordinary. I was never as proud of my two boys as I was on the days they were married. They chose to be men. They chose not to remain what most single men remain -- boys.
Second, the joy of the guests.
I am quite certain that the guests -- most of whom I knew well -- were also experiencing more joy than they would at any of the other milestone events of someone other than their own child. For example, many, perhaps even most, of those who attend a bar- or bat-mitzvah celebration of a friend or relative's child do so more out of obligation than out of joy.
Third, the number of attendees.
With the possible exception of one's funeral (which is not on the milestones list because it doesn't happen during one's lifetime), more people attend weddings than any other event in life. In other words, one will likely spend the wedding day with more friends and relatives than on any other day of one's life. That alone provides ample evidence of the unique significance of marriage.
These observations are what prompted me to ask the question of this essay. Given how uniquely important people consider marriage to be, as illustrated by the unique significance of weddings, would most parents derive more joy from their child's wedding or from their child's acceptance to (or graduation from) Harvard or some other prestigious college? Or, to put the question another way, do most parents deem their child getting married or getting into a good (or perhaps even any) college more significant?
Every parent should ask themselves these questions. But I suspect few do because far more parents, in raising their children, emphasize college over marriage.
Even parents who answer that they think both are equally important and would provide them with equal joy have to answer this question: Did (or do) you make it clear to your child that you consider getting married as important as getting into a good college?
I have no doubt that few parents -- whether they consider the two equally important or even if they consider marriage more important -- emphasize marriage nearly as much as they emphasize getting into a good college.
The proof is the number of young people who think career is more important than marriage and the relatively low number of Americans getting married -- the lowest percentage in American history.
Therefore, for your sake as well that of your children, you might want to regularly tell your children that as much as you value their getting into a good college, you value their getting married even more (or, if you prefer, just as much). Tell them that as happy and proud as you will be on the day they graduate college, you will be even happier and more proud of them on the day they marry. For most people, that is a fact.
Colleges are brainwashing institutions
Not a lot of marriage material out there; plus unrealistic expectations...”marriage will make me “happy””
I say none of the above.
Excellent article!
Some things are more important than a prestigious university/educational institution and/or appropriate marriage.
I advise strongly against the indoctrination camps. All six of mine are independent with decent to significant incomes. Wife and I determined long ago our strongest prayer was for them to marry well. “when well married most any obstacle can be overcome. When poorly married no blessing is big enough”
yes, my neo-liberal uncle (i call him that b/c he was technically a republican up until my super-Reaganite conservative grandfather died in 2005 and he became a serf to his liberal Long Island yenta wife,) Is much more proud of his 3 children’s college accomplishments then that in their early 30’s, none of them are married or have any children.
my uncle will probably never know the joy of seeing his grandchildren grow and prosper (if he ever even has any)
the daughter is some super stem-cell researcher with no time for marriage/children
the one son is a young schmuck lawyer.
the other son is probably gay (not 100% convinced though) and is trying to become some type of save-the-world psychologist.
college meant so much to my uncle that he got caught in some huge medicare fraud case and even spent 2-3 years in federal prison for accepting bribes. His overall gist was that he “had 3 kids to get through college at once”. Whoever said they HAD to go to ivy league/top tier schools???
despite his guilty plea (and that of every other doctor involved), he still insists he wasn’t aware he was breaking the law.
typical elitist / entitled liberal
I’d settle for the rugrats doing something like, say, reading Orwell’s 1984, understanding it, taking its lessons to heart, and never allowing government to take over their grey matter.
How many young people can say they’ve done /are doing things like that?
I was FAR HAPPIER keeping my kids in mediocre local colleges...where they could live at home.
No way in hell were they going to get indoctrinated by the Left in our family, and they didn’t.
Wow...that is a sad story....I think a good marriage is foundational, right after knowing God.
I would put the births of my grandkids ahead of the wedding. (Yes, the grandkids happened AFTER the wedding)
NFN it’s 3 John 1:4. YW
Actually for me neither or both, because what brings me the most joy is seeing my Children being more successful in life than I. Rather its love and marriage, career and finances or education, talent or skill I want their life in always to be better than mine
C. My children using their brains to think critically.
Amen!!!!
When our son was in college he was dating some rather ungodly young women. I simply decided to take it to the Lord in prayer. And He answered that prayer BEYOND what I asked for. Our DIL is a wonderful, Christ-centered young lady who loves our son with her entire being. We love her and nurture that relationship. Another blessing from that prayer: our first grandchild. ❤️
To God be the glory!
Life begins when the kids move out and the pets die . . . I forget who said that but it always gives me a laugh
Personally, I wish all my children were married and had children of their own. But that hasn’t happened yet.
Ummmm.
No
For me I am most proud of my daughter’s getting her masters and passing her boards so she can be a nurse practitioner. I was thrilled and happy the day she got married. She picked well for that I am thankful.
I am most happy that she has grown into a wonderful adult
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.