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Finally, Feeling safe in America! I Don’t need a bullet proof vest!

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY anymore) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

Next, I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Then, I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flagpole.

I painted BLM in large yellow letters around my home and in my driveway!

Now the local police, sheriff, State Police, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.

I’ve NEVER felt safer, and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear, when I shop or travel.

Everyone moves out of the way, and security won’t pat me down.

If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say “I’m feeling like a woman today.”

Hot Damn...Safe at last !!