Heat a pan of water and a pan of grease. When the bastards break down your door, give them some hot grease and boiling water. That will calm them down right quick.
Ha ! I used to break up fights at the Restaurant/Bar I worked at by walking out from the kitchen with a pan full of hot fryer grease and asking do Y’All want to take this outside or go to ER in an Ambulance ?
They always shut up and ordered another drink.