Posted on 08/07/2018 11:29:05 AM PDT by fwdude
A leading psychotherapist in New York City in the last 25 years has warned that mothers who return to work too soon after having babies are damaging their children’s mental health.
In a video for the New York Post, Erica Komisar revealed how she’s seen an ‘epidemic level of mental disorders in very young children,’ which she puts down to the “devaluing of mothering in society.”
The author of Being There, Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters explained that babies experience a rush of cortisol and a great deal of stress when they’re away from their mothers.
She argued that when working women return from work in the evenings they spend as little as 90 minutes with their babies before they put them to bed — and then find that they are unable to sleep through the night because they’re craving their mothers’ attention.
“Our society tells women go back to work, do what you want, they’ll be ok,” she explained. “But they’re not OK.”
“I was seeing it in my parent guidance practice. I was actually seeing an epidemic level of mental disorders in very young children who were being diagnosed and medicated at an earlier and earlier age.”
“I started looking at the research which backed up what I was seeing in my practice, which is that the absence of mothers on a daily basis in children’s lives was impacting their mental health.”
Referencing research that’s been done since the ‘60s, she said the only thing that reduces stress for babies is when their mothers return from work.
“I still say daycare is my least favorite option,” she said. “You’re taking a very young baby and exposing them to a great deal of stimulation and a great deal of fear.”
“When you take them out of their immediate environment and put them in a group with a lot of stimulation and a lot of people that’s not the natural environment for babies.”
“When we give mothers the option of being home in the first three years we increase the emotional security and reduce mental disorders.”
“On a societal level we need to recognize mothers’ work is valuable work. We emphasize material success and professional achievement, but there is no more valuable or more important work.”
Even though there is a high appreciation of mothers’ work in the homeschool movement, the voice of Erica Komisar, who is a psychotherapist outside the homeschool movement, reinforces the value of mothers’ presence in the lives of their children in their early childhood. She is a voice from the secular world confirming the same warnings that Christian homeschool leaders as Mary Pride have given for decades.
With information from DailyMail.
Human nature rules. Fight human nature and you have problems.
Even in my ultra liberal Kaiser maternity ward in California, the nurse told me and my wife when we were if she could give one bit of advice it was, “Don’t let anyone else raise your kid for you”.
I've had various arguments over the years with people, both on and off on-line forums, who took issue over my contention that full-time career moms are essentially not raising their children. They became indignant and claimed that, somehow, providing childcare for their children WAS "raising their own children."
I just couldn't connect.
It’s hard to really have that argument with people, very personal. But I definitely think at least in the first two or three years, it’s crazy to leave your kid in daycare for 8+ hours a day. Then add to that this concept of “sleep training”, where you train your kid to sleep by themselves before they’re old enough to know the difference . . . man, the bond between parent and child gets more and more tenuous . . .
Totally agree-fortunately for me, one of my aunts-a teacher-lived just up the road from me and had a late-in-life cub a month before mine was born-she and I shared a babysitter who was a neighbor of hers-another teacher with grown kids who didn’t want/need to work for a school anymore. She watched the cubs when my aunt or I went out for grown-up evening with hubby-and when she and I went back into the workforce-when the cubs were about 2 1/2 years old, the neighbor lady took on the role of nanny for us both-it was like having the cubs homeschooled before age 5-she was willing to do just what we did when home-from simple reading to Spanish as a 2nd language-a family tradition and common practice in W Texas. She remained their nanny until both our girls were 10 years old.
No one should entrust their precious cub to strangers when so young-it is unnatural...
Even past that age I don't think kids should be raised by commercial strangers. I don't know if I'm typical, but I can remember back fairly accurately, in spotty instances, to when I was 2 and 3 years old. I was with my 24/7 stay-at-home mom then, as the vast majority of kids were. I cannot imagine being without her as a 3- or 4-year old. Maybe it would have been different than I estimate, but kids need their moms for at least the first decade, I think.
After starting school (we walked) it was such a comforting, secure feeling knowing that the "fort" was being manned at home, and any time we went home or stayed home sick, there was a ready mother to care for us.
In general yes. I have a six-year-old, and my wife is mostly at home with him, although she’s somewhat working from home also. But I will say that for a year or two before school at least, he was definitely getting a lot out of being in environments with other kids around, teachers, etc. Maybe not all day every day, but at least for a few hours a few times a week.
The Daycare Generation.
The news this morning said in the South side of Chicago, 70% of black children live with a single stay at home parent but I guess that is irrelevant to these experts.
That can’t be right, liberal moms don’t work [/sarc, FU “Media Matters” if you’re reading this].
I think that the vast majority of working women back then used family members or friends to care for the children. It was not uncommon for young schoolchildren to be on their own after school, the neighborhood sufficed to care for them.
There were just a few people who cared for children in their homes. I don’t remember any formal daycare in my town until the early ‘80s.
So what, my mom was a single mom until I was 11............
*
My new career was volunteering at their school pretty much daily. I loved it! (as each of my kids turned 24 they admitted they loved it too. LOL!)
Women should really take a good look at the cost of working. Taxes on their salaries, day care, gas costs, wear and tear on the car, work wardrobe, eating out or frozen dinner in a box, etc. all add up to a chunk of change. I was shocked how much money we saved, especially by cooking from scratch. Is it really worth warehousing your kids for a few bucks an hour?
Another thing to think about for young parents... A special-ed teacher recently told me that studies are showing the more screen time the little ones have, the lower the I.Q. scores. Used to see parents bring their kidlet's to my office with books, crayons and paper. Now their youngins have their faces glued to a screen.
And we think today's snowflakes are bad? We ain't seen nothing yet.
There’s a lot to be said for women staying home and being home-makers, even beyond its importance to motherly hands-on child-rearing.
I don’t think there is any way to measure the value of a woman staying at home and exercising her creativity to make a warm, welcoming haven for her family. The memories, influences and sense of security and confidence which that haven conveys to children helps to make for solid adults.
Women were fools to let anybody convince them that this was not important, valuable work.
Back in the ‘80s, the old saying that ‘the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’ seemed to gain some new currency.
I was hoping it would stick and become a movement among young women; but it petered out.
Come on H.T.
I think donna was implying that too many purposely single moms have kids for cash. (Thank you LBJ)
15-20 years ago the story broke that California was paying the Medicaid bill for fertility treatment for welfare mom’s who already had kids.
Crap happens. Hard pressed to think if your mom was into the cash for kids program you would be here at FR now.
Bet she was a women who under hard circumstances worked her fanny off and loved her kids!
We almost all had single moms so no need to be defensive.
It doesn’t matter why the mom is single, it’s always bad for kids.
I don’t think I’m being defensive. I was agreeing with you, or so I thought.
Yes I agree it’s not best for your kids but what do you do if it’s out of your control??
Husband dies. Or he’s a Jack A$$ and leaves. It ain’t good for the kids but some women have to deal with it.
In the mean time....”We almost all had single moms” HUH?
Yes, I didn’t understand that either. I think the majority of the people here came from two-parent families.
(I did come from a ‘single Dad’ family - but his mother was there and largely raised me.)
I think most people STILL come from two-parent families; even though the government made it somewhat lucrative a few decades ago for many women to push out babies but remain single...
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