DOMA has been in place for over 10 years and gay marriage has proliferated in the states. This is a state issue whether you like it or not. Nothing can be done at the federal level. You are fantasizing about a solution that doesn’t exist.
People on both sides of the political aisle can be very selective in their reading of the 10th amendment. Some of the same people who complain about Federal Government usurping decisions that should be left up to the states (e.g. Roe v. Wade) suddenly want to turn homosexual marriage in to a Federal issue with DOMA.