Posted on 07/06/2012 5:45:32 AM PDT by Kaslin
Seth MacFarlane, whose $100 million contract with Fox makes him the highest paid TV writer in history, is now trying to take over the cineplex, with the same old shtick. You could pluck his oeuvre out of the summer movie-preview articles without any difficulty. His was the one where the teddy bear comes to life and becomes a profane slacker who practically lives inside a bong and hires hookers in groups.
The movie's title is "Ted." It won its opening weekend with a $54 million gross at the box office. Clearly, MacFarlane's fans cannot consume enough of his pop-culture sewage.
"Ted" is a fitting metaphor for MacFarlane himself. He is the magical creation everyone in Hollywood seems to find as cute as a furry stuffed animal. He's made his fortune by putting the crudest, most offensive utterances in the mouths of babies, dogs and completely idiotic man-children. Hollywood is never having to grow up.
So the idea that this movie would center on a real man-boy named John Bennett who must grow up seems odd. Why grow up? Perpetual adolescence clearly has worked for some people. Here again, MacFarlane is Ted, holding back the real slackers by keeping them in a state of mental pimple-popping for his own personal gain.
This is the plot: As a boy, Bennett has no friends, so on Christmas night he wishes on a shooting star that his teddy bear could really talk to him and be his best friend -- and then it happens. But it's supposedly much funnier when the movie fast forwards 27 years, and Bennett and his teddy bear are pot-smoking losers who watch too much television.
Now as one of Hollywood's most vicious atheists, it would seem like quite a sellout for MacFarlane to make a movie with a "magic wishes" plot centering on Christmas night, no less. This movie pounds away with the usual and very tired Whack-a-Mole jokes about sex, drugs and bodily functions, presumably because it can't really plot its way out of a paper bag. Even the wish-upon-a-star thing is as old as "Pinocchio."
Ask the film critics. A.O. Scott of The New York Times believes some overgrown spoiled brat in Tinseltown is phoning it in. "The sin of 'Ted' is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. If Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ever got a hold of Ted, there would be nothing left but a pile of fluff and a few scraps of fur."
That's our cultural elite for you. There's nothing wrong with being offensive, but there's something dreadfully wrong with being boring and unoriginal.
Scott isn't done bashing our boob-tube anti-hero. "The feature film is not a hospitable form for Mr. MacFarlane. He has no particular visual knack, little interest in storytelling and nothing better to do with his naughty bear besides stuff him into a soft, sentimental comedy that seems almost proud of its lack of wit or conviction."
Now wait a minute. Did he actually write that the "Family Guy" flatulence-joke specialist made a "soft, sentimental comedy"? Try and locate that concept within this cow pie of vulgarity.
When Ted is forced to take a job at a supermarket -- don't try to make any sense of it -- he comes on to a sleazy fellow employee by not only doing pelvic thrusts, but also by spraying himself in the face with hand lotion -- a porny orgasm shot on a teddy bear. That should cause Scott to rethink that "soft comedy" bit.
But the film ends on a thoroughly sappy note. Ted gets ripped in half, and then comes back to life after being sewn back together and more wishing on a shooting star. It's the kind of "My Little Pony" ending that MacFarlane would eagerly mock with both ink barrels if someone else made this kind of movie ending.
A few weeks back, MacFarlane appeared with his real-life, bong-hit buddy Bill Maher and praised the integrity of Sen. Al Franken: "He's still -- he's a human being and you don't get a sense that he's sold out to the machine."
Anyone who's seen the ending of "Ted" would wonder if MacFarlane's become so addicted to the money that he's completely sold out to the "happy ending" Hollywood machine. How can someone so supremely cynical go so sentimental that NPR's Bob Mondello would actually say he made a "date movie"?
But then, MacFarlane always tries to moonwalk his way out of his cultural oil spill by washing off a contaminated bird or two. It's sad that so many so-called smart people let him get away with this sleazy song and dance. It's sadder still that anyone would endorse it with his or her cinema dollars.
Must we ruin every dang movie? It was a funny movie that I enjoyed. Everything does not have to be some conspiracy theory. It was a simple very funny movie. Kids did NOT go just for info. Wife and I had a pleasant time going to dinner and a movie for a change. If you don’t like it, don’t go....simple as that.
Lighten up Brent, it was a funny movie.
I’m as red-blooded a Conservative as anyone, but MacFarlane is an entertainer, pure and simple. I don’t watch him Maher, I don’t care for his politics one whit, but some of his stuff, esp. his commentary on pop culture, is downright funny.
Family Guy is vulgar. Cleveland Show is vulgar. American Dad is vulgar. I would expect that Ted will be vulgar, but like all the other primetime Fox cartoons, I’ll likely see this movie at some point in the future. From the people who I know who feel the same about MacFarlane as I do, they say this movie is a laugh-a-minute.
Again, I’m not saying MacFarlane is right to espouse atheism, but to deny him his right to make this “cultural garbage” is to deny him the same 1st Amendment rights that any of us are entitled to. People will pay to see this movie, and he will continue to make Family Guy and others. Denigrate him all you want, MacFarlane isn’t going anywhere.
My kids won’t even know this movie exists, but I defend MacFarlane’s right to make it. Bozell needs to lighten up.
FG was great till the perv moralizing became the main plot. Same with American Dad. The Cleveland B show? Who cares?
Faux should have cancelled Cleveland and got Futurama back. They snoozed they loosed. Now they have 3 identical SMcF toons. Blah.
As far as movies. No way no how will I financially support murder lust and perversion! Just because they call it entertainment, doesn't mean it is!
On the flip side though, the author does us all a big service by letting us know that the movie is another piece of vulgar crap not worth our dollars to see.
If you don’t like the review, or even think you may like this sort of movie, then go see the movie. No one is forcing you to stay away, but some of us prefer not to subject ourselves to that sort of thing and it’s good to know what the movie is about before having to suffer through it.
Let me just add that I try not to do business with atheists or democrats or any other anti-American types. So for me it’s good to know who’s behind the movies.
Support garbage and garbage will continue to be made. I just saw Madea’s Witness Protection and loved it. Tyler Perry supports Obama but he is a very funny guy. A person’s politics are of no concern to me. If a person wants to make vulgar, anti-Christian movies, that is their right. I protest by not spending my money to see them.
Here’s the movie I’m waiting for this summer.
Obama 2016 http://youtu.be/vtv6XUT-hno
I would argue your point with you, John, insomuch as you’d have to be a complete dolt to go see this movie based on the previews alone if you’re not immune to the sort of “vulgar crap” that this movie peddles.
Hollywood is PROUD about the schlock that they put out, and movie previews often show “highlights” from movies that should be enough of an avoidance indicator to a discriminate moviegoer. If you find the jokes and material in the commercials offensive, then you wouldn’t go see the movie. I don’t need Brent Bozell to reaffirm it.
Just my $0.02.
I saw the movie and don’t remember any reference to religion at all. You say the movie is about anti-christian but you didn’t see the movie.....I don’t get your logic.
I think our culture has gone very far downhill. We benefit from moral, insightful literature, plays, discussions. Crappy TV shows and crappy movies do not help our society; they hurt our society. The prevalence of irony within our culture is debilitating because it encourages the idea that nothing really matters, it's all good, and who the heck cares anyway??
People who care about government corruption, government tyranny, financial system shenanigans, and welfare parasites, should also be concerned about the state of our artistic culture. Social Conservatism is inextricably linked with Fiscal Conservatism. Really bad movies are not harmless. They contribute to social breakdown. And the breakdown of society costs you in multiple ways.
Yes it was funny. A couple bits of trivia:
>>the Christmas Eve scene shows his bedspread has pictures of the space shuttle on it. This is Dec of 85. Remember what happened a month later? Maybe I’m reading more into it than I should, but maybe this shows a loss of innocence...picture the kids who loved the idea of space travel only to be crushed at the Challenger disaster. Though Jon does keep childhood foolishness/immaturity into adulthood. But can he change?
An Indian is shown and Ted thinks she’s a Muslim. “Thanks for 9/11!,” he tells her. Reminder...had MacFarlane not overslept one Sept. morning in 2001, he would have boarded a Boston-L.A. jet that was flown into the WTC...thought of that. Yeah he’s a big lib but I thought movie was funny.
Also he got Rush to appear on Family Guy and remember the story posted after Breitbart’s death where he entertained Andrew’s son over the phone with 10 min worth of FG voices...something Andrew’s son will long remember as he thinks of his dad..(this after Seth did NOT savage Breitbart on a talk show)
The scene where Ted is stitched up again—and sounds retarded or something, then says, ahh just kidding—he’s fine—got a bellylaugh from me
An R movie, not for kids but for the kid still in us old farts. I could have done without the dump on the floor though, yuck. And for all the sexual jokes, very little T&A. Ted’s accent was right on and pretty funny in its own right. Don’t we all wish we could get promoted for insulting the boss? Not to mention getting the girl back for at least trying.
Exactly. Ted is cleaning up at the box office...
Yes. btw two girls, maybe late teens or early 20s, got turned away for not having ID. I’m 50, no ID check needed...also a Bostonian so was used to the wicked pissah accents.
Brent Bozell might just be the squarest person to ever walk the Earth.
I actually make a mental note to try to see or read everything he attacks.
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