There will likely be as many answers to your questions as there are gun owners. But I would advise you to (1) do some internet research and (2) go to a gun range or store and try out those from your narrow list and (3) take the NRA basic pistol course before your CCW course.
Couple of things to remember: There are varying opinions about the smallest calibre that's effective for self defense. Many will tell you to go with the largest caliber you can handle. The larger the caliber and smaller/lighter the gun, the more the recoil and time it takes to learn to use it properly. A gun that's heavy enough to reduce recoil and enjoy practicing/learning to shoot with, and one that's light enough for concealed carry and use by your wife, are two different things.
Novices may like to start with a revolver as it's less complicated/easier to load and use. There's also less chance of failure to fire because the user is not keeping their wrist strong enough, as is required by semi-automatics. Smith & Wesson makes some dandy little revolvers with alloy frames that are great for conceal carry and small hands (see the Ladysmith), but again, these are not target guns.
Personally, I first bought a heavy revolver (S&W 686+, 4 inch barrel, stainless steel frame, Shoots .357 hollow points for defense and cheap .38 specials for fun). There's something about that simple machine that I just find to be aesthically pleasing and fun to handle. A few weeks later, I researched and bought a Smith & Wesson M&P 9C (9mm compact) for concealed carry. I handled Glocks, Sprinfields, Sigs, CZ's etc. and there was just no comparison. I understand that when Smith designed its M&P 9, it had a well known engineer, an ergonmics specialists, and others sit down and brainstorm for 20 hours to list everything they wanted in an ideal pistol. I love the way the 9c version feels, aims and shoots.
Finally, whatever you do, get a small gun safe to keep by or under your bed protect your kids. These have a spring loaded, code-activated door and can be opended quickly in the dark with one hand. The gun store can help you there.
Best of luck.
And one other thing: the Smith & Wesson M&P 9C comes with 3 different grip inserts- small, medium and large- for different sized hands. It’s the only manufacturer who does this, to my knowledge.