MRS TEASDALE
For our information
Just for illustration
Tell us how you intend
To run the nation.
FIREFLY
These are the laws of my administration:
No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke
And whistling is forbidden
GUESTS
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
Hail, hail Freedonia
FIREFLY
If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoose-gow hidden.
GUESTS
If we choose to chew, we'll be pursued.
FIREFLY
If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited.
I'll put my foot down
So shall it be
This is the land of the free.
The last man nearly ruined this place,
He didn't know what to do with it.
If you think this country's bad off now,
Just wait till I get through with it.
The country's taxed must be fixed,
And I know what to do with it,
If you think you're paying too much now,
Just wait till I get through with it.
I will not stand for anything
That's crooked or unfair.
I'm strictly on the up and up,
So everyone beware.
If anyone's caught taking graft
And I don't get my share,
We stand 'em up against the wall...
And pop goes the weasel!
GUESTS
So everyone beware,
Who's crooked or unfair,
No one must take a bit of graft
Unless he gets his share.
FIREFLY
If any man should come between
A husband and his bride,
We find out which one she prefers
By letting her decide.
If she prefers the other man,
The husband steps aside.
We stand him up against the wall,
And pop goes the weasel!
GUESTS
The husband steps aside,
Relinquishes his bride,
They stand him up against the wall
And take him for a ride.
--Duck Soup
Best line in this memorable ditty from Duck Soup.