Skip to comments.
Zombie attacks might increase due to global warming, study shows
http://wmbriggs.com/blog/2008/01/31/zombie-attacks-might-increase-due-to-global-warming-study-shows/ ^
| William M Briggs
Posted on 01/31/2008 3:36:33 PM PST by mattstat
A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”
Dr. Harrister, the other co-author, and head of Zombie Robotics at Wayward Robot, Inc., explained that cold winters typically stalled the walking dead. “It is well known that zombies can’t operate in cold weather. It freezes their brains.”
The pair calculated a 32.782412% increase in zombie attacks if CO2 increased to twice its pre-industrial rate. “Clearly, this is a very troubling result,” said Dr. Harrister, “If we don’t do something soon, the streets will be filled with blood.”
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: allyourzotrbelong2us; callingartbell; globalwarming; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; undead; undeadthread; zombies; zotemifyougotem
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-20, 21-40, 41-60, 61-80 ... 2,221-2,230 next last
1
posted on
01/31/2008 3:36:36 PM PST
by
mattstat
To: mattstat
Hah! Good one! Global warming the unifying theory of climate that predicts everything and nothing.
2
posted on
01/31/2008 3:38:06 PM PST
by
jwalsh07
To: mattstat
3
posted on
01/31/2008 3:38:41 PM PST
by
denydenydeny
(Expel the priest and you don't inaugurate the age of reason, you get the witch doctor--Paul Johnson)
To: mattstat
The pair calculated a 32.782412% increase in zombie attacks if CO2 increased to twice its pre-industrial rate.I expect it might be even higher for zombies with significant plant matter integrated into their corpses.
4
posted on
01/31/2008 3:39:14 PM PST
by
AndyTheBear
(Disastrous social experimentation is the opiate of elitist snobs.)
To: mattstat
Are those the ones running for office, or do they include all of them, including the ones on DU?
5
posted on
01/31/2008 3:40:50 PM PST
by
MizSterious
(Deport all the illegals to sanctuary cities.)
To: mattstat
I call hoax on this study.
It is a well known and obvious fact that we’re all under attack by blood-sucking zombies and they are currently vying for national leadership...
6
posted on
01/31/2008 3:41:51 PM PST
by
WorkingClassFilth
('Yellow is mellow, but brown goes down.' -- The Clinton campaign slogan for 2008)
To: mattstat
Mayor Adam West will not be pleased.
7
posted on
01/31/2008 3:42:13 PM PST
by
andyk
To: Eaker; TheMom; pax_et_bonum; Allegra; Xenalyte
And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace. Undead prey ping.
8
posted on
01/31/2008 3:42:23 PM PST
by
humblegunner
(If you're gonna die, die with your boots on.)
To: mattstat
"All your money and children are belong to us!"
9
posted on
01/31/2008 3:43:00 PM PST
by
quark
To: mattstat
Most terrifying, dare I say it, would be the return of...
Michael Jackson!
10
posted on
01/31/2008 3:43:57 PM PST
by
COBOL2Java
(Senator McCain is a great American, a lousy senator and a terrible Republican.)
To: mattstat
Possibly true, but at least we’ll be safe from zombie polar bears.
11
posted on
01/31/2008 3:43:59 PM PST
by
Notary Sojac
(I suffer from BDS - Bush Disappoinment Syndrome)
To: Notary Sojac
I don’t think that follows. Zombie polar bears are already used to the cold.
12
posted on
01/31/2008 3:46:40 PM PST
by
mattstat
(http://wmbriggs.com)
To: mattstat
That’s why I have a Glock 8, and Glock 40, and an Ithaca 12 guage. Now all I need is LOTS more ammo.
13
posted on
01/31/2008 3:47:14 PM PST
by
Smogger
(It's the WOT Stupid)
To: Notary Sojac
Oops. I am wrong, wrong, wrong. Dr Harrister, who is at my side, tried to correct me and I did not listen.
Sorry, Sojac.
Such folly!
14
posted on
01/31/2008 3:47:35 PM PST
by
mattstat
(http://wmbriggs.com)
To: mattstat
If this global warming keeps up we may get another attack by the killer tomatoes too!
To: mattstat
"The pair calculated a 32.782412% increase.."
I usually like my predictions a bit more precise than this.
16
posted on
01/31/2008 3:49:33 PM PST
by
joebuck
To: mattstat
To: mattstat
Al Gore will be pleased...
18
posted on
01/31/2008 3:51:34 PM PST
by
Southack
(Media Bias means that Castro won't be punished for Cuban war crimes against Black Angolans in Africa)
To: mattstat
This could happen. After all, the Blob already ate algore.
To: mattstat
In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.....
20
posted on
01/31/2008 3:54:25 PM PST
by
saluki_in_ohio
(Lunatic Fringe. We all know you're out there...)
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-20, 21-40, 41-60, 61-80 ... 2,221-2,230 next last
Disclaimer:
Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual
posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its
management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the
exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson
