Craig should declare himself a Mass. Dem, problem solved

Boston Herald ^ | 9/7/07 | Howie Carr

[raccoonradio]

So now Sen. Larry Craig is refusing to resign just because he pleaded guilty in a mens room gay-sex undercover sting. Who does this Idaho Republican think he is, a Massachusetts Democrat?

Actually, there is a way for Sen. Wide Stance to salvage his squalid career. It would require a two-step program.

No. 1, switch parties and become a Democrat. No. 2, move to Massachusetts. Problem solved, Sen. Craig will be welcomed with a brass band at Logan Airport. Yes, U.S. senators have been arrested at Logan in the past - a Republican solon from Minnesota, oddly enough, but that was for cutting a line at a cabstand and then demanding of a state cop, “Do you know who I am?”

Who did David Durenberger think he was, John Kerry? If you yell “Do you know who I am?” loudly enough around here, you’re liable to get charged with impersonating a Kennedy.

Forget Fred Thompson, Jay Leno needs to get Larry Craig on his show. Every day it’s a new laff riot. First he resigns, then he announces he’s not resigning, maybe. He leaves a lengthy voice mail for his lawyer on the wrong answering machine, talking about how things have changed now that Arlen Specter is, you’ll pardon the expression, behind him. It doesn’t matter to Craig that when it comes to randy restrooms, he’s like the Clintons with dirty money. He just can’t help himself.

Barney Frank, of all people, used to say that your core constituency isn’t the people who are behind you when you’re right, its the people who are behind you when you are wrong. Sen. Craig is now learning this the tough way. Some group called the American Land Rights Association is demanding a boycott of the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport. The group apparently supports Craig because he’s against land grabs. Fill in your own joke here about Sen. Craig’s position on other kinds of grabs.

What’s next? An endorsement from the Brokeback Mountain Ranchers Association? A fund-raiser at a local rest stop?

But Sen. Craig’s confusion about the way he has been thrown down the stairs is certainly understandable. Here in Massachusetts, you can plead guilty - as Ted Kennedy did, after leaving a blonde in the pond - and never, ever have to even think about resigning.

All Sen. Craig did was touch some undercover cop’s foot and he’s toast. Rep. Gerry Studds plied a young teenage page with booze and then sodomized him, and for his unspeakable acts was re-elected seven times. About Barney Frank, two words: Hot Bottom.

Think of the new life Larry Craig could fashion for himself here. Mr. and Mrs. - er, Mr. Jarrett Barrios could squire him through the South End. Dave Scondras could show him around the sex-offender registry (just dont e-mail him anything, Senator).

Sen. Craig may not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. After all, this is a guy whose expletive of choice is Jiminy! But he has obviously figured out that he is being railroaded for something that, if he were a Democrat, they would be circling the wagons to protect him for. They would be writing editorials about his courage. It doesn’t matter if you’re straight or gay, if you’re a Democrat, you’re protected.

ob Packwood tries to grab a kiss in the elevator and is sent packing. Chris Dodd forms the other half of a waitress sandwich with Ted Kennedy and he’s (sort of) running for president.

It’s certainly understandable why the Republicans would want Craig gone. What’s perplexing is why the Democrats aren’t welcoming him with open arms. The louder he talks about his innocence, the more he sounds like he’s a member of the Massachusetts delegation.

[raccoonradio]

Howie Carr column ping

[nothingnew]

Howie "I didn't come here to be made sport of" Carr bump.

FMCDH(BITS)

[gondramB]

Thanks for posting this.

Who did David Durenberger think he was, John Kerry? If you yell “Do you know who I am?” loudly enough around here, you’re liable to get charged with impersonating a Kennedy.

And that, is the line of the day.

[Earthdweller]

LOL!

[Cyropaedia]

Priceless!

[Darkwolf377]

Why doesn’t Craig simply say he’s a “gay American” and insure his perpetual re-election? He’ll be the guy the left points to when they say they don’t only support democrats.

[Congressman Billybob]

Howie pulled out all the stops on this column. I'm surprised that anyone still remembers the "waitress sandwich" involving Senators Dodd and Kennedy. It happened at La Brasserie on Massachusetts Ave., across from the Heritage Foundation headquarters. In the private dining room, upstairs, front.

Dodd and Kennedy were both drunk, as they often were when out on the town together. The waitress was not amused. Neither was management of the establishment. But then, who's paying attention to minor details about scummy Democrats?

Congressman Billybob

Latest article, "Enemies of America, in a Courtroom Near You"

[Quix]

WELLLLLLLLLLLLL,

ALL thoughtful conservatives including talk show hosts could always preface any mention of him as:

“Honorary DimRat Craig . . . “ or some such.

or maybe . . .

“Philosophical DimRat L Craig . . . “

or

“Acting Dem Larry Craig . . . “

or

“Dem-in-potty-training Larry Craig . . . “

or

“Dem-in-basics-training Larry Craig . . . “

or

“Dem-in-feeling-your-pain-training Larry Craig . . . “

or

“Dem-in-feeling-your-UNpain-training Larry Craig . . . “

or

???

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I'm surprised that anyone still remembers the "waitress sandwich" involving Senators Dodd and Kennedy.

A hardy perennial in Howieland.

[islander-11]

Great column, Howie!

Now get your radio contract crap squared away. The “vacation time” is getting old!

[maryz]

I'm surprised that anyone still remembers the "waitress sandwich"

Hey, this is FR, we never forget -- I think it comes up every time Dodd's name is mentioned! ;-)

[maryz]

And Howie never forgets anything either! ;-)

[PGalt]

Hooray Howie Carr!

[bigheadfred]

Idaho has a large Mormon population. Declaring yourself gay would be like running around bashing pregnant ladies with a baseball bat.