Illegal Immigrants Seek Scooter's Deal

MSNBC ^ | Jul 14 2007 | Andy Borowitz

[Orange1998]

I would not put it past President Bush to pardon every illegal alien on the last day in office.

[Niteranger68]

Sorry, the deal’s for US CITIZENS only!

[ElectricStrawberry]

OK...amnesty for each illegal that forks over $250,000.

[charming_harmonica]

Yes, but apparently most of the commenters here haven’t bothered to figure that out.

[RJS1950]

You’re not citizens, you have none of those rights, eat sh@# and die.

[muawiyah]

One way to screw up a quarter to half of the illegal aliens is to extend their expired student and tourist visas.

That way they never qualify for amnesty.

Then, just for the heck of it, retroactively grant tourist visas of similar duration to all other illegal aliens.

Again, they'd never qualify for amnesty.

All sorts of new reporting requirements can then be applied to tourist and student visa holders with the slightest violation resulting in their expulsion.

This makes everybody legal, keeps them off the dole, denies them just about all public services, and slowly but surely makes results in some serious deportations.

[muawiyah]

First, they gotta' get shot in the butt.

One imagines long lines of volunteers for that duty.