Just sent my letter to the editor. Here it is; let’s see if it gets posted.
Herr Editor,
It was with great interest that I read the enlightened op-ed piece by Herr Simpson regarding the confiscation of firearms from the ignorant, unwashed masses. Herr Simpson’s brilliant ideas regarding the overturning of the Second and Fourth Amendments are truly inspiring. It is clear that he has learned well from his days in the Middle East at the feet of such political luminaries and fellow anti-gun advocates as Mr. Assad of Syria.
I believe with the proper propaganda machine, we will be able to pass laws that outlaw the ridiculous protections against unlawful search and seizure and the right to bear arms. By convincing the anti-intellectual masses that we are only trying to protect them from self-slaughter, they will rise up to help us overturn this outdated US Constitution and bring forth what we all truly desire – The Fourth Reich!
His ideas regarding the role of our police officers are awe-inspiring as well! I recently saw photos of some wonderful black uniforms worn by another group of “Special squad police” in the 1940’s, back in the Fatherland, and I think the skull on the cap set-off their Aryan blue eyes perfectly.
I am sure you will get some complaints from the pro-gun nuts saying that Herr Simpson is a fascist looney who believes in a tyrannical and omnipotent government that would trample the unalienable human rights of the American people. Just let them know that this could not possibly be true because he played with a Red Rider BB gun as a child and is a former ambassador, so he is obviously a brilliant and caring person who only wants the best for the masses; who, by the way, would not be able to get out of their own way without the help of those like him. Let them know that they should be down on their knees thanking God that we have people like Herr Simpson to solve these problems that, in their own stupidity and belief in supposed “freedoms”, they bring upon themselves!
Thank you and “Heil!”
Too long to be printed. Try half that length, and ease off on the Nazi references. Liberal papers only print those if they are refering to Bush and Cheney.
Your letter to the editor was a good idea, although it was way, way too long. Letters must be limited to a single paragraph to be considered for print.