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A lot of it has to do with the fact that we don't know WHERE we're going to be in 10 years.

The main problem I see is that people don't honestly know themselves. It's easy to paint an ideal, then try to hold yourself to that ideal and delude yourself into believing that you can actually attain it. It's hard to see what you're really capable of and to know yourself well enough to say, "I'd really be *happier* as a plumber than a doctor. This is the kind of life I want and this is really what I need in a mate."

We look for mates that fit that ideal of ourselves, not the reality.

I have a friend who recently got divorced. In one conversation we were having she was trying to figure out where things went wrong. I said, "Honey, it was wrong when he proposed and you agreed. He's always had aspirations for the big house and the big car and the big paycheck. He took one look at you and saw a tall, leggy, slender trophy wife. What he didn't know was that you were happier fishing in cutoffs than at a ladies' luncheon. You so badly wanted to be loved that you said yes to the first guy who'd have you. Neither of you respected each other's values and, over time, that translated to a lack of respect for each other. That killed whatever love was there in the beginning."

Now, had he chosen the trophy wife with the same values and desires that he had, things still wouldn't have gone well. Because what he failed to realize was that *he* was never capable of getting the life that he wanted to much.

A-type men and women can form lasting relationships. I suspect they tend to create symbioses, feeding off each other, each using the other for some function. She gets a ticket to the bigtime; he gets a sweet piece of arm candy. She won't jeopardize her gravy train by being indiscreet; he won't risk her taking everything by being too stupid. And they feed each others' superficialities.

Or maybe that's just the image the media have created of life at the "top."

I think any relationship requires the suspension of invulnerability, a willingness to risk getting trampled. The necessary bond can't form if either party is always on guard. And I think that's part of the honesty you're talking about.

It's academic. And I'm the wrong guy to be talking to about it anyway. My relationships make the Hindenburg look like a backyard barbecue.