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Bless the Irish

Osama bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering what country to invade next when his telephone rang.

Hallo, Mr. Laden," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Connor, down at the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you."

"Well, Connor," Osama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

Right now," said Connor, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Osama paused. "I must tell you, Connor that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Connor. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Connor called again. "Mr. Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Connor?" Osama asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Osama sighed. "I must tell you, Connor, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Connor. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Connor rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Connor, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Connor, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Connor called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Laden! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Osama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Connor, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."