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You know what I can't figure out on this child custody issue as presented on FR? Why it doesn't resemble any of the situations I know in real life.

I know divorced people. Very few had their custody or child support arrangements imposed by a court. While they were splitting up, they worked out as best they could a situation that was as mutually tolerable as they could. Most of the time, the woman has custody more often than dad, but truth be told, most dads (and I do know one exception) wouldn't trade places if they could. They don't want to do getting ready for work and school and day care and grocery shopping with kids in tow. Most divorced dads I know have the kids as much as they want to, primarily on weekends. They send what the kid needs and work out between them who pays what. It ain't perfect, but they work it out without a court mandate.

When my own parents split up, I was a teenager. I moved freely between both of my parents, and my needs were met by their mutual agreement. There was never a court mandating anything. My parents were fair and NEVER undermined each other. They respected each other so much in divorce it's a wonder they couldn't have stayed married.

I do know one former couple (never married) who did have more rancor and court involvement, but neither one was remotely reasonable at the time, they were too bitter toward one another.

So it makes me wonder, if this myth about men losing everything and never seeing their kids isn't just a lot of internet gnashing of teeth. I don't know ONE dad who doesn't see his kids, and while support can be high, and certainly is a burden, it hasn't kept them from going on with life, nor should there be no cost to a divorced parent.

So it makes me wonder, if this myth about men losing everything and never seeing their kids isn't just a lot of internet gnashing of teeth. I don't know ONE dad who doesn't see his kids,

I know two who don't get to see their kids (ex-wives moved out of state to prevent it). I know two others who wouldn't get to see their kids if it wasn't for the guy the ex-wife ran away with running out on them and the ex having to move back home.

(Why would a woman run off with a guy who runs around with married women? Isn't it obvious that if he runs around with you he'll run around on you?)

I know several who suffer under extreme child support burdens (where the kids are obviously not getting the money)

Now admittedly most arrangements are done by the couple themselves but there are enough outrageous ones to show the system is broken.