Are you really in a position to speak for what 'most' churches do?
Do you know what goes on in private councelling sessions?
Just as it is easy to coach football from the barkalounger, it is easy to be a Monday morning pastor as well.
I can speak for the content of many large megachurches that I follow and whose content is available on websites, including audio and video. I can also speak of the personal knowledge of what the staff ministers at several large megachurches views on divorce are because the pastors who refuse to perform re-marriages suffer tremendously for their stand.
I can also speak from the knowledge that a few years ago the pastor at First Baptist Atlanta became divorced and has stayed on as a position of pastor (which would I think correspond to elder) which seems to me to be contrary to the Scriptural requirements for eldership.
I can also say that in the decades of attending a megachurch and many aspiring megachurches, I have never once heard these words uttered from the pulpit: "God hates divorce." I was fairly shocked when I first read that.
And I can argue from the fact that the divorce stats are no different among evangelicals than among non-Christians. If divorce were denounced often and Biblically from the pulpit, then, maybe, just maybe, we would see at least a 5 point swing in the right direction among Bible-believing evangelicals.
All in all, I am pretty confident in the assertion that evangelical churches are not, as of late 2005, at war with the American culture of divorce.