Posted on 08/15/2005 5:46:09 PM PDT by writer33
El Segundo, CA—(Satire) In a sudden, yet brilliant move—designed to line the pockets of their investors—Mattel, Inc. announces that they have designed the first ever Cindy Sheehan action figure. The makers of Barbie dolls have laid down the gauntlet and staked their position in the war for oil, siding with the plight of mothers across the world.
The “talking” action figure is a new girl in town that is destined to become a V.F.F. (virtual friend forever) to liberals everywhere. Mattel, Inc., a diverse company, created the figure and has won the hearts of people in Crawford, Texas, and across America with a doll that will take the First Amendment to a new level.
“It’s a stroke of genius from our R&D department,” said Bob Eckert, President and CEO of Mattel. “We’re calling the doll ‘Little Mommy Protester.’ With the tide turning against President Bush, we’ve got to get into the pockets of the American people before they become disenchanted with this movement. It’s the smart thing to do! And we support Cindy Sheehan here at Mattel.”
“I was just fed up. When the 14 Marines were killed, and when George Bush said again that they died for a noble cause, and he said we have to complete the mission by honoring the sacrifices of the fallen heroes, that was it, I just was so enraged,” noted Cindy Sheehan in an interview with Reuters. “I fully support Mattel and am honored to be a spokesperson for the First Amendment. It’s time our children learned the full power of it!”
Bob Eckert also mentioned that the company would make three different action figures: “Camping Cindy,” “Elegant Cindy,” and “Blue Jean Cindy.” He noted that “Camping Cindy” will be sweat-soaked, wearing a t-shirt, headband and shorts while brandishing a sign that reads: “Bring the Troops Home Now!” “Elegant Cindy” is said to be adorned in an evening gown, but isn’t too busy to take time out of a night on the town to protest the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. And according to Eckert, “Blue Jean Cindy” will be dressed in blue jeans and a halter top, catering to the hip, young liberals that want to bring the troops home now.
Ray McGovern, a former CIA analyst who addressed protesters from the bed of a red pickup truck, reportedly called Sheehan their Rosa Parks, in a reference to the black woman who triggered civil rights protests after she was arrested in 1955 for refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white passenger. “She’s a special lady. I can’t say enough about her and I think this move by Mattel is brilliant. I know I’m going to by my little granddaughter a Cindy Sheehan action figure! Thanks, Mattel!”
Hart Viges, 29, who joined the Army because of the Sept. 11 attacks proclaimed, “We were used. I believe the government betrayed the United States armed forces. They sent them out on a mission that was meant for something other than weapons of mass destruction. Go Mattel, Go! You’re my hero Mr. Eckert! Well, you and Cindy Sheehan!”
The action figures, set to hit stores on Labor Day weekend, has ensured that their stock will go through the roof, and has inspired Democratic Senators to continue their lockstep rhetoric in resistance to the war on terror, while leaning for a more peaceful resolution to the violence of sadistic terrorists.
“Mattel is stepping up to the plate,” said a soft spoken Sen. Harry Reid, D-NV. “I think they’ve hit a home run with this doll and I’m willing to throw my weight behind Mattel from now on.”
“Mattel is doing something I’ve wanted to do for the longest time,” fired Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “They’re sticking it to the administration and I love ‘em for it. Keep it up, Bob. You have my vote.”
“This action figure is long overdue,” claimed Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “I think it’s the bomb. Every liberal in America ought to buy one as soon as they’re available. Stand firm against the red, white and blue!”
Eckert noted that each action figure would say something different. “I don’t want to give the whole thing away,” Eckert stated. “But one doll says, ‘Bush lied and my son died.’ The other two say similar things. It’s a gas,” laughed Eckert.
Eckert also said that the company was working on two other anti-war dolls: The George Voinovich action figure, which cries and says, “I’m worried about our grandchildren,” and the Hillary Clinton action figure that fights evil anti-abortion Republicans, avoids scandals and says, “A woman’s right to choose is what matters most. Now put me in the White House!”
As time goes by, the protestors in Crawford, Texas, grow larger and larger. The tide has slowly turned for George W. Bush, and Mattel’s insights into the American people have practically created a ‘lame duck’ status, making Americans wonder what they voted for on November 2, 2004.
Action figure ping!
Action figure ping!
Action figure ping!
Do we get the "Mini-Me" version of George Soros for free?
Does it come complete with pink swastika insignia and miniature bottle of prescription meds?
You are a sick and twisted individual, Chris.
Keep it up!!
If you pull her string, she says something idiotic. If you quit pulling her string, she keeps saying something idiotic.
She's gotta pay taxes on that, whether she wants to or not.
bump! off to find a pic of this new action doll........
Inspired by Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a slain soldier who is camping outside President Bush's ranch until she gets a face-to-face explanation of why he killed her son, other mothers begin to demand apologies for their grievances as well.
In Wipeit NE, mom Ella Cinder has pitched a tent outside a local Dairy Queen, demanding a meeting with its CEO so he can explain his culpability for her 32-year old son Chucky slipping on a partially-eaten Chili Lime Chicken Strip Basket at the State Fair.
When asked how Dairy Queen could be responsible for her son's injury, foam appeared at the corners of her mouth, and an enraged Ms. Cinder screamed, "I demand an answer! Minimum one hour and on camera, with my advisor and lawyer present. My Chucky was in the fairgrounds walking to the cattle shed -- and just like that, he took a spill. So I am not going away until the CEO flies in from his fancy office, and personally apologizes for their entire corporate mentality of not caring. DQ knew!"~
German activist: "We don't know what DQ is, but now we hate it. If a concerned mother is protesting something, we must listen.
Also in response, a nearby crowd started chanting, "DQ - Shame on you! DQ - Shame on you!" and they held up signs saying, "Shut down Dairy Queen!"
She is receiving support from activists around the globe. One such group in Germany has stated, "We don't even know what Dairy Queen is, but now we hate it. If a concerned mother is protesting something, we must listen. Mothers have wisdom that cannot be ignored."
"We've hated Dairy Queen for a long time, but now they've gone too far with their Chili Lime Chicken Strip Baskets!"
Local groups feel the same way. One spokesperson for STOP DQ! has confided, "We've hated Dairy Queen for a long time, but now they've gone too far with their Chili Lime Chicken Strip Baskets. This latest tragedy has given us a chance to draw our attention to Dairy Queen's despicable practices. The way we look at it, a self-righteous mother who trades on her son's misfortune has a lock on the moral high ground -- and is therefore immune to criticism. How can anyone not sympathize with the caring mom who fights the big bad CEO? And in the process, she gains celebrity and brings publicity to our cause to stop Dairy Queen. Sort of like Michael Moore getting his start by harassing Roger Smith in 'Roger and Me' only she's even more bitter. And she's a mom!"
This incident has also attracted the attention of prominent politicians. Senator Kennedy (D-MA) exclaimed, "Speaking as an ice-cream enthusiast and as an alcoholic who took a few spills myself, I'll be either upset or gratified by this, depending on what my advisors tell me to say. As soon as I learn where Nebraska is, I'll be on the first flight out."
Senator Clinton ( D-NY, AR, IL, etc.) is similarly concerned. When contacted at her Presidential Exploration Committee Office, she shrieked, "I'm enraged by this. Dairy Queen owes an explanation to every mom in the world, and we're going to arrest its CEO for failure to prevent this. Dairy Queen lied, and Chucky died!"
Chucky, who is in stable condition at a local hospital, declined to comment.
Source:http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=222
You pull her string and the liberals hang themselves with it.
I think it's the bomb to! Iv've got a place for it right next to my Action Ann Coulter. You think they'll get along?
Drawing of the current prototype.
Just damn.
If you want on the list, FReepmail me. This IS a high-volume PING list...
I have got to get one.My mare will take a dump on it-photos to follow!
That'll be the day!This writer is delusional.He must have done alot of drugs in his formative years! ;o)
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