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Churches to Add 'Most Holy Telecast' to Ritual
scrappleface.com ^ | 2005-04-25 | Scott Ott

Posted on 04/27/2005 6:00:03 PM PDT by NYTexan

After the success of a nationwide event, dubbed 'Justice Sunday,' many conservative churches are considering the addition of a 'most holy telecast' from a political action group to the weekly Sunday morning order of worship.

"When I saw Sen. Bill Frist on that giant screen talking about Democrat efforts to block conservative judicial nominees, my thoughts were lifted to contemplate the mighty, sovereign God of the universe," said one telecast worshiper in Kentucky. "I think adding a political telecast to our regular worship service would enhance our knowledge of, and devotion to, the living God."

Under the proposed new liturgy, circulated on Christian Internet forums, the call to worship, prayers and Bible preaching would be punctuated by periodic video clips on the big screen, during which famous Christian conservatives would exhort the faithful to write their legislators, contribute to the campaigns of 'Godly candidates' and pray for the electoral overthrow of 'Godless opponents.'

"The Most Holy Telecast will really punch up our worship," said one unnamed mega-church pastor. "Our people have become a bit bored with the standard preaching, praying, praising God and so on. And selfless sacrificial service to others often lacks the emotional power of a sweet political victory."

Not to be outdone, the National Council of Churches, a coalition of progressive churches today announced plans to include a telecast in their own worship services.

The Jesse Jackson Satellite Sacrament will make it possible for the former civil rights leader to be omnipresent nationwide. A toll-free number will appear on the screen during the Jackson Sacrament, allowing worshipers with cell phones to call in a contribution to the Rainbow Coalition or the Democrat National Committee.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Government; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: christianmedia; justicesunday; scrappleface
Satire Break!
1 posted on 04/27/2005 6:00:05 PM PDT by NYTexan
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To: Diva Betsy Ross; Guyin4Os; cherry; Dead Corpse; texasflower; SeeRushToldU_So; oldbrowser; ...

Pinging the usual suspects!



(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me know!)


2 posted on 04/27/2005 6:01:22 PM PDT by NYTexan
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To: NYTexan

Good one. Thanks for the ping, NYT.


3 posted on 04/27/2005 6:08:14 PM PDT by writer33 ("In Defense of Liberty," a political thriller, released in March. Buy it. I need new shoes. :))
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To: NYTexan

real good one,
thanks


4 posted on 04/27/2005 6:28:15 PM PDT by 537cant be wrong (vampires stole my lunch money but left me with my bus pass. damn!)
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