"Four Score and Seven Queers Ago" - The attempted retro-outing of Abraham Lincoln

WorldNetDaily ^ | 4-25-05 | Doug Powers

[RightWingReader]

Was the silk stovepipe hat a dead giveaway?

Examining history has long been a fascination for many, but now the preoccupation of some on the sexual proclivities of historical figures is beginning to eclipse study of their accomplishments. Take Abraham Lincoln, for example. What's the discussion been about for the past few days? The Emancipation Proclamation? The Gettysburg Address? Nope. The focus has been on whether or not Abe and his friend Joshua Speed, and later a presidential bodyguard, had a "If this log cabin's a rockin', don't come a knockin'" sign on the door.

C.A. Tripp, the author of "The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln," a book which claims the nation's 16th president was homosexual, died before the book was published, but his claims were defended by a couple of historians at a conference in conjunction with the opening of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library in Springfiled, Ill.

Here's a quote from one historian in an Associated Press article:

"I could build a Lincoln Log cabin of homophobic denial," said Civil War historian Michael Chesson. "There's been a cover-up, a conspiracy of silence for experts to hide what they regard as dirty linen in Abe's faded carpetbag."

If you feel a little sullied after reading that, go ahead and take a shower. I'll wait.

Welcome back.

It's fascinating to watch historians, sociologists and others pick famous names from history and then go searching to find any clues that they may have been homosexual. These "Raiders of the Lost Bathhouse" set out on archae-illogical adventures, bent on substantiating a presupposition. For the sexually preoccupied historian, the search is like "Where's Waldo" with show tunes and color-coordinated throw pillows. It's not a difficult job, mainly because the people being retroactively outed aren't here to defend themselves against claims from such an incredibly inexact science.

In the mid 1800s, back when people generally minded their own business, there was very little record of anything of a sexual nature. There were no tabloid reporters or rumor rags, and audio and videotape was just a gleam in Bob Crane's eye, so things were much more private. Sitting around now, a century or two later, and trying to sort out all things sexual by using only poems and second-, third-, fourth- and fifth-hand information on "who slept in the same bed as who" is a highly speculative business at best.

The main focus on the accusation that Lincoln was homosexual, or at least enthusiastically bisexual, seem to come from his poems, and that he shared his bed during his life with other men. In a day when the average home had one bedroom and was as well insulated as a Dixie cup, the latter was very common. Sure, in 2005, if a man writes poems and sleeps with other men, "Bingo," but modern trends can't – or at least, shouldn't – be applied across the board of history.

When a historian bases a conclusion that Lincoln was homosexual in part on his poetic writings, you would assume these poems would contain obvious clues in order to make such a judgment – something along the lines of this:

Autumn leaves, bright colors
Forget this beauty I shant
Long walks hand-in-hand
An evening with General Grant

Or perhaps a Haiku ...

Horses gallop by
Nature's majesty disturbed
Seward's pants back up

No, it's not that easy. All Abe left us to study were stanzas like this one from his poem "My Childhood Home I See Again":

But this is past; and nought remains,
That raised thee o'er the brute.
Thy piercing shrieks, and soothing strains,
Are like, forever mute.

This is clearly something only a "gay" man would write ... or a constipated one, or a dying one, or ... nah, it'll sell more books if he's "gay."

If "The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln" is a best-selling success story, watch out, because more books alleging homosexuality of other historical figures will follow in rapid fire succession.

Keep an eye open for an array of new tomes along the lines of "Tickling the Ivory: The secret life of George Washington's bootblack"; "A Filament of the Imagination: Inside the private bulb of Edison and Watson"; and "The Enola Gay President: Harry Truman's Real 'Fat Man' and 'Little Boy.'"

Someday, when future historians are studying present-day historians, those of the future may make note of how fiercely historians in the early 21st century tried to fashion cases to prove that everybody was homosexual. This will lead future historians to write books alleging that these present-day historians were, indeed, gay.

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Author's note: I've recently begun depleting the ozone layer of the blogosphere. Visit my new web log for daily thoughts and responses to select reader e-mail.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Great Title PING!!!

[Amalie]

These chute-packers make me want to puke.

[gridlock]

All of this "Lincoln was gay" stuff will not gain traction until it is necessary to throw another historical figure down the stairs in order to protect some popular Democrat from his or her own sexual peccadilloes. You can probably pencil it in for late 2007 or so...

[camle]

if you sleep with another man you're having sex - unless you're rich and famous like Michael Jackson, then you're bonding. and you have a dirty mind if you even think anything else is going on.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

It is also a Haiku ping!!!!!

As for the title, I prefer Four Score and 7 beers ago. No wait a score is twenty years right? 7 beers in eighty years in torture. It needs to be "Four Score and ...". Damn, I cannot count the numbers of beer I would need for eighty years. Suffice it to say it is probably an entire brewery or 10.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

"numbers of beer" = number of beers

I think I need one now.

[Samurai_Jack]

Surprise me to discover that President James Buchanan Democrat (1857-1861) nicknamed "OLD BUCK" is the ONLY Single President and rumored (on no less than the History Channel) to have been Gay as a daffodil!!

15th President of the United States

So why all this attention to Lincoln?

[End Times Sentinel]

"numbers of beer" = number of beers

I think you just outed yourself as a Canadian, eh?

Also, you just self pinged yourself for everyone to see.  You Canuks have no shame, eh?

Owl_Eagle

(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,

 it was probably sarcasm)

[tumblindice]

This is all the shameless, feverish imaginations of fart-knocking homophiles.
In the great American novel, also in the 19th century, 'Moby Dick', Ishmael shared a bunk with Pequod (?) but the only thing harpooned was a white whale.
Although it was a sperm whale . . guess it's time to stop.
Quitcher rubbernecking, nothing to see here. Yes ma'am, he is a cannibal. Move along please, there you go.

[brooklyn dave]

Oh Girl Friend! Pretty soon the gay activists are going to be saying Moses, Nebuchadnezzar, and Lucy (the first human skeleton found in Africa) were gay. If Lincoln were gay, he'd definitely need a makeover and get a club outfit.

[End Times Sentinel]

 

CANADIANS

Racial Characteristics:
Hard to tell a Canadian from an extremely boring regular white person unless he's dressed to go outdoors. Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. It is thought to resemble a sort of arctic Nebraska. It's reported that Canadians keep pet French people. If true, this is their only interesting trait. At any rate, they are apparently able to train Frenchmen to play hockey, which is more than any European has ever been able to do.

Good Points:
Still have plenty of Indians to abuse.

Proper Forms of Address:
Bud, mac, mister, hey you.

Some Examples of Canadian Repartee:
Two Canadians are talking in a bar. One Canadian says, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
"That was my wife." replies the other.

A lady is shopping in a Toronto drugstore and accidentally leaves the bottle of aspirins that she bought on the counter. She gets on a bus and the minute the bus has pulled away from the curb remembers leaving her purchase behind. "My aspirins! My aspirins!" she yells.
And the bus driver says, "Maybe you left them in the drugstore."

A little Canadian boy named Johnny F*ckerfaster is screwing a little girl under the porch of his house. His mother comes out the door and yells for him, "Johnny! Johnny F*ckerfaster!"
"I'll be there in a minute," he says.

Owl_Eagle

(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,

 it was probably sarcasm)

[LIConFem]

It's amazing just how many folks turn gay after they've passed on.

[ghost of nixon]

I'm pretty sure late-twentieth century gaydar won't work in the mid-nineteenth century.

[jmaroneps37]

Didn't the "husband" of the now room temperature queer who made up this pile of rat droppings, say that he ( the deceased) knew it was a lie when he wrote it?

[Calusa]

Can anybody tell me what's going on with this gay thing? I thought it was bad when the Beatles broke up. Then I thought it was bad when Jackie married Onassis. And then Janice Joplin and Jimi Hendrix drowned in their own puke.But I think where it all went to Hades was Elton John, now he didn't drown in his own puke but he turned gay. Does anybody know what this is all about?

[Antonello]

It's amazing just how many folks turn gay after they've passed on.

Almost as amazing as how many people start voting democrat under the same circumstance.

[SpinnerWebb]

President James Buchanan

Oh, gawd... he looks like Frank Burns!

[LIConFem]

LOL!!! :o)

[HEY4QDEMS]

Abe Licoln once said "If we look for the bad people, we're almost always certain to find it".
There's irony for ya.