A LOSS THAT STILL HAUNTS RANDOLPH

Star Ledger

[SunnySide]

"Don't do anything stupid." She set their curfew at 2 a.m"

The stupid thing done here was setting high schoolers curfew at 2 AM in the morning!!!! ...in a strange place at a hotel no less. The chaperone was negligent and grossly irresponsible.

[MisterRepublican]

Alcohol and balconies don't mix.

[PMCarey]

They also traded phone numbers with three local boys in a pickup truck. The boys had followed the convertible into the Hyatt driveway. The girls made plans to meet them later that night.

Sadler and the teens settled into their room and ordered snacks from room service. Around 10 p.m., the girls headed downstairs to check out the resort. Sadler said she gave them "the typical parent lecture: Stay together. Don't leave the hotel grounds. Don't do anything stupid." She set their curfew at 2 a.m., and they promised not to be late.

The most amazing part of the article IMHO. That is a "typical parent lecture" only if you're a braindead nimrod or are planning to go out yourself and don't want to be saddled with the kids until 2am.

[HarleyD]

She's a high school eighteen year old girl who smoke, drank and ran around with the boys until 2 am. What does one expect?

[nodumbblonde]

Teenage girls with no supervision, underage drinking, exchanging phone numbers with strange men, visits to unchaperoned boys' hotel rooms... why would it be so shocking that something bad would come of this???

I doubt the chaperone was any more responsible or strict at home, so why would anyone send their kids with her???

So many questions...

[Grendel9]

Everyone involved has regrets...and blame.

The friends admit the girl was popular and a bit
on the wild side. Parents choose NOT to admit that
tidbit about their otherwise "perfect" daughter.
Any parent who thinks their child will obey ALL
rules when out of sight of home and family are
less than realistic. Booze, ciggies, going into
the hotel room of two boys after midnight? Hello!

Those boys are guilty as well. They were perfectly
willing to sow some wild oats. The girl should NOT
have been in their room. But then, they were
probably used to the routine in the co-ed dorms
back home.

As for the chaperone...I probably feel she is
NOT the chaperone of choice for my kids.
If she knew these girls as well as she
thought she did, she'd also know that at least one
of the gals would break the curfew. At the time
kids make a "promise" they definitely mean it. THE
temptation to break that promise shows up quite a
bit later. And how many kids have reported in BEFORE curfew, then sneaked out again once bed check was
finished?

[jocon307]

"...exchanging phone numbers with strange men...."

Yes, this part is very bad. And this girl broke the #1 rule for partying girls: don't leave your girlfriend(s). They probably were all so blitzed the boys didn't realize she had fallen. Her friends should have insisted she re-join them when she called at 1:30.

I feel very bad for all these people, but I gotta tell you, you watch other people's children even more closely than your own.

[SedVictaCatoni]

It could have happened to any teenager.

... who was a drunken imbecile.

[WFTR]

There has to come a point where we make young people understand that nothing good is going to happen when they are that drunk. We simply don't have the luxury of letting someone reach eighteen years of age with so little self-control that he or she will drink that much if given the chance. Our Constitution wasn't written for a people who are that irresponsible, and unless we can bring back that responsibility even in early adulthood, our society will fail.

Bill

[nodumbblonde]

"...you watch other people's children even more closely than your own..."

Unfortunately, today there are too many parents who don't watch their OWN kids, so certainly can't be bothered to keep track of yours. :\

[Joe Marine 76]

Agree: negligent and grossly irresponsible AND STUPID.

"Don't do anything stupid. She set the curfew at 2 a.m."

Considering that the kids had 13 hours of travel time AND their body-clocks were 5 HOURS AHEAD of local Hawai'ian time, the curfew was ACTUALLY SET AT 7 a.m. EASTERN STANDARD TIME (they came from New Jersey, correct?).

The combination of the alcohol, the balcony and EXTREME FATIQUE resulted in the accident.

Sadler, IMHO, should have exercised more control in the overall scheme of things, perhaps: "It's really been a long day kids, let's get some rest!"

Stupid!...and sad as well. As a parent I would never survive a loss like this.

[jocon307]

"It's really been a long day kids, let's get some rest!"


You can believe she wishes she'd done just that. She could also have gone with them, if they wanted to go for a swim, or whatever. Obvioulsy these "good" girls went straight to the bottle with strange men, which to me is pretty wild behaviour. It's never good to drink with strangers. And I've done it, and I survived it, and I know.

[1066AD]

It's a LONG trip to Hawaii from NJ. Fatigue plus that much booze is a recipe for trouble, which duly showed up.

[csvset]

At 5 feet 6, 140 pounds, she had muscular legs and strong arms.

Mmmm.... Muscular legs...

Sorry.

Well, let's see, she was drunk off her ass and fell to her death. Sad.

Remember folks, despite the official "seal of approval" of the government and the glamorous marketing; alcohol isn't exactly a "safe & sane " drug.

[TheBigB]

Look who's back.

[aaronbeth]

"It's been a long day kids, let's get some rest!"

As the mom of 3, and my oldest a girl, I can testify that the girl who tragically fell to her death would'nt have stayed in the safe hotel room, unless the chaperone chained her to the bed.(Ropes- no good- the girl would've bitten thru them eventually.) My kids aren't perfect- I am not perfect- but I am truly shocked and amazed at what the parents of young girls will let them wear, let them watch on tv,etc. And that is just a start- our 10 yr old neighbor girls has had 2 'boyfriends' already.
If the chaperone HAD been responsible and kept the girls safe and in their room, the parents would probably still be enemies...the girl who would've lived-but been denied fun and death- and certainly bad mouthed the chaperone, perhaps made up things to get her in trouble or cause problems.
And I know many decent, well adjusted, polite girls- it just seems there is just as many troubled girls who parents' are unwilling to do what is right. Best intentions work.

[Luddite Patent Counsel]

"Stupid!...and sad as well. As a parent I would never survive a loss like this."

Stupid!...and sad as well. As a parent, THE CHAPERONE would never survive a loss like this.

[PMCarey]

As the mom of 3, and my oldest a girl, I can testify that the girl who tragically fell to her death would'nt have stayed in the safe hotel room, unless the chaperone chained her to the bed.

But that essentially is what a chaperone is supposed to do. My kids went on a choir trip to Texas. One of the boys tried to sneak out in the middle of night and was surprised to find the chaperone in hall, waiting for him. That's why being a chaperone is hard work and this woman saw this as a Hawaiian vacation and it seems to me didn't even do the minimum. My goodness, telling a teenager to go out without going with her and setting a curfew at 2am? That's criminally neglegent. She's lucky that she wasn't charged.

[libertygirl]

Ok I'm confused here. Did everyone here live in a convent when they were 18?? Are you telling me that none of you partied when you were that age? (Which is technically an adult by the way.)

Do you only exchange phone numbers with people you know? What is the need to exchange numbers then? How do you date exactly if you only hang out with people you know?

I don't think there is anything out of the ordinary about this except that the curfew was probably set too late.
What about all of the other cheerleaders and football players that were partying at the hotel that night? I'm sure most of them had adult chaperones there as well and most probably set fairly late curfews. No one is upset about those kids or their chaperones because they came back safe.

Has no one here ever drank too much when they were young? It's happened to just about everyone.

The only thing I see that this women may have done wrong is set the curfew too late and I don't think that is reason enough to condemn her for what was a tragic accident. She did not know they were going to go to a liquor store and buy booze either.
Did you let your parents know when you were drinking underage? Give me a break! Pretty much most teenagers experiment with alcohol even if we tell them not to and most teenagers go out and party with friends and give phone numbers out to cute boys or girls that they meet. There is nothing unusual about any of that.
Do I like it, being that I have a young son and am looking ahead to when he is a teenager, no it scares me, but I'm not going to keep him locked up in a bubble to make sure nothing can happen to him.
What about all those teenagers that go unchaperoned to Cancun for spring break and are even younger. What do all of you think they do there anyway??

As far as missing curfew, 2 of the girls came back on time and the only reason the girl who died did not was because she had fallen off a balcony. Remember as soon as Sadler knew she was missing she started trying to locate her. If the girl didn't answer her cell phone at 2am she was probably already dead.

Now to anyone who is going to attack me for being a bad parent, I never suggested that the teenagers behavior is necessarily ok, just that it is pretty darned normal for this age group and in my opinion is not Sadler's fault. It was an accident! Just think about the next time your son or daughter asks to go to a friends party on the weekend. This could happen to anyone.

What happened to this girl would actually be a good tool for teaching our kids what can happen in these kinds of situtations. A good scare is always helpful in keeping kids out of trouble.