Recipe for a happy household: separate restrooms. Steh- or Sitz-, just use (and clean) your own toilet.And wonderful U.S., where so many have this choice instead!
Posted on 12/19/2004 5:27:17 PM PST by Chi-townChief
Do we need any more evidence of how far Europe has fallen?
In 1521 at the Diet of Worms, Martin Luther defied the pope with these words: "Hier stehe Ich. Ich kann nicht Anders. Gott hilf Mier. Amen."
In English, that would be: "Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise. God help me. Amen."
Today the poor man would have to say: "Here I sit." He could not do otherwise.
The "sitzpinkler" movement, which started in Sweden a few years ago, has moved to Australia and Germany.
I won't go into detail. You can figure it out for yourself. "Sitzpinkler" is German for a man who sits in the restroom even when he doesn't have to. Otherwise, by demonstrating his "dominance" over women, he risks excommunication by the Left.
A newspaper called The Australian quoted a young woman named Jessica, a biologist, from the Swedish city of Uppsala: "All my friends demand that their husbands or boyfriends sit down," said Jessica."I think it shows respect for the women who clean.
"My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia, there is also a view that to stand up is a nasty macho gesture."
Jessica has stumbled across the essence of why the world hates us: Simply because we are born American, we have advantages that they do not have.
America is devoted to individualism, capitalism and the idea that even a poor immigrant can one day become a millionaire.
Our Constitution, written by brilliant men, gives us the right to pursue happiness.
If happiness means buying a big gun, we can do it.
If happiness means buying a big SUV, we can do it.
If happiness means bringing freedom to Iraq, we can do that too.
We call this "natural."
Europe calls it "a nasty macho gesture."
But they say the same thing about standing up in the men's room.
So do you think maybe we should stop caring about what they think of us?
I got to thinking about "sitzpinkler syndrome" recently because of what I heard at a meeting at Tinley Park High School sponsored by a group called Common Ground (www.cg.org).
The meeting was led by a fellow named Jim Kenny, a thoughtful, honest liberal, not the type to pass on fake documents like Dan Rather.
Still, I got the feeling in this room of 150 people that I was a defiant stehpinkler.
Mr. Kenney laid out seven reasons to explain why the rest of the world — specifically, the Muslim world — professes a deep hatred for America:
Our power, wealth and "hegemony." Our "anti-democratic policies." "Globalization." Our "uncritical support for Israel." Our "arrogance, jingoism and Americanism." Islamism and anti-Americanism. George W. Bush.
Well, let me say a few things.
On Point No. 1, the reason we have so much power and wealth is that we are free and capitalist. We don't put undue burdens on our businesspeople.
Hey, Sweden, try it sometime. If you were an American state, your economy would rank just five rungs from the bottom — down there with Mississippi.
On Points 2 and 7, do I really have to remind the Left that the only democratic nation in the Middle East is Israel? On the other hand, every single Muslim nation in the world (there are more than 20) is run by a dictator.
And now we're supposed to take lessons from the Muslim nations about democracy?
Isn't that kind of … stupid?
On Point No. 3, I never have figured out what globalization is anyway. I think it means you can find a Dunkin' Donuts shop in the capital of Pakistan. I once read a story by someone complaining about this state of affairs.
Listen. I had no idea there was a Dunkin' Donuts in Pakistan in the first place. What are you hating me for? I didn't put it there. I care what Pakistanis eat exactly as much as Pakistanis care what Americans eat.
If the rest of the world doesn't want Dunkin' Donuts in their midst, they should just … not … go … there!
Another reason the anti-globalists love to hate us is that TV show "Baywatch." You know the whine — we unsophisticated Americans are shoving our beach bimbos on the rest of the world.
To which I say: You know, the reason "Baywatch" is on the air around the world is that a lot of non-Americans thought they could make money by offering the show to their countrymen.
And what do you know? They were right. "Baywatch" was once the most popular show in 130 different nations.
If you don't like that, well, why don't you do what I do? Let me spell it out: Don't … watch … it!
That's right. "Baywatch" was on the air in America from 1990-2001, and I never watched one single episode.
In sum, I saw little logic in the Tinley Park meeting and lots of emotion, navel-gazing and Oprah moments.
"My God, what's going to end the world first? Global warming or 'Baywatch'?" Oh, spare me.
Readers, let me clue you in. There is one reason the rest of the world hates us, and it is really simple: Envy.
They figure that if they can't do something, Americans shouldn't be allowed to do it either.
You can go along with that thinking if you want to. I'm not. That's why I voted for George Bush. Here America stands.
Michael Bowers is a copy editor and page designer for The Star. His column appears every other week. Send e-mail to mbowers@starnewspapers.com.
These people where Vikings once. Now they're sitzpinklers. What a damn shame.
I guess it never occurred to these women to get their husbands/boyfriends to wipe the seat and/or floor after they go. Is that too much to ask? So either they can't think of any alternatives to sitting down, or else they think it's easier to get men to sit than it is to clean up after themselves.
Red States = stehpinkler
Blue States = sitzpinkler
Now I know why there's such a difference between the two.
This tells me that we were right all along. I do not want to be associated in any manner with males who have the women in their lives direct their "pinkling".
Please tell me that that "Australia" is a typo and they really meant "Austria".
I think if I am ever confronted with one of those voice boxes that tell me to sit down when pinkling, I am going to smash it and break it, then act like I don't know what it is and hand it to my hosts with an apology. Then when they say "oh, this is to ask you to sit down ..." I will snort and say , "F*** that..."
Since I'm the only male in a home with 5 females, and I'm the only one who cleans the bathroom anyways...I'll pi** on the seat before I sit for no reason. And while I'm on the subject, why is it that I use paper 1 in 4 times I use the B-room, they use it every time. Why haven't they learned to replace the stinkin' t.p. roll?
Tell your host their toilet copped an attitude so you fixed it for them.
Blue States = sitzpinkler
______________________________
I think you really want to say Red Counties and Blue Counties. It makes a difference, you know.
Chief: My wife and I saw "About Schmidt," where the red-stater character played by Jack Nicholson is compelled to sit by his spouse...I was incredulous that a woman would do that to a man....I told my wife never to force me to do that. She won't.
One picky detail: The constitution does not grant us the right to pursue happiness. The Declaration of Independence states that our Creator has endowed us with this right.
It might sound picky, but it should never go unchallenged, otherwise we begin to believe that our government grants us rights, instead of defending them.
"My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia, there is also a view that to stand up is a nasty macho gesture."
My first reaction was: Your F**K%%G with me right?
My second reaction was: Why don't these guys just have a sex change operation so that they can better relate to their friends. Apparently, being a male in Europe is a nasty macho gesture in itself.
Great Article, lets face it all the real men left the continent of Europe for America or Austrailia. What is left has been a sort of Dawinism in Reverse...Survival of the Whimpiest.
"I think you really want to say Red Counties and Blue Counties. It makes a difference, you know."
Oh heck, why don't I just go ahead and say liberal Democrats are sitzpinklers and conservative Republicans are stehpinklers?
Recipe for a happy household: separate restrooms. Steh- or Sitz-, just use (and clean) your own toilet.bump
I've decide to leave the seat up in protest, and when I really want to leave them a message I piss on seat!
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