Posted on 12/09/2004 2:37:55 PM PST by weegee
no but it includes a bottle of wiskey and a step by step pamflit on how to escape a sinking car
Gee, Ted Kennedy suffers from the same disease as Bill Clintoon--- "I must talk to people/someone/anyone every breathing moment of everyday in order to (feebly attempt to ) fill that vast and empty hole in my stomach". (SLAP!)
They've REALLY been giving Teddy a hard time lately, huh?
I love the Weekly World News. Do not miss this article:
Your Weekly World Tools
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL
Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:
1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.
2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.
3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.
4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.
5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.
6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.
7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.
8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.
9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.
10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.
Published on: 09/02/2004
Admittedly I have not read all the responses but has anyone missed the most obvious observation--poor, driving lessons, car ownership? Have the definitions of poor changed? I don't have a plasma TV yet--does that mean I fit the definition of poor?
dfwgator...how could you? Wait just a minute, there was a big splash there too!
Most of the students are majoring in Driving and Minoring in swimming.
It's like I always say, never get into a car, plane or boat with a Kennedy.
The stuff of great Journalism, indeed! They ran a similar piece back in the late 1980's, with a title something like: "How to Tell if your Neighbor is a Werewolf!" The Weekly World News IS the NYT without the pretense.
It is a part of his defensive driving course. The Legal Defense part...
"Our family was so poor that the maid had to rent her own apartment."
Ted is just desperate for a designated driver.
OH thanks for clearing that up ;-)
11. If you are over 50 and a 20 year old unpaid intern starts flashing you her thong. Beware. You are about to get abducted by aliens (they just sent you a decoy).
Could this article be related to this one?
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61484
And the bottle in the glove box.
You know when Teddy is getting drunk, he doesn't realize that his bra has fallen down around his waist.
Next to the DUmmie FUnnies, this is the funniest thing I've heard all day.
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