Posted on 09/12/2004 8:29:12 PM PDT by Xcoastie
Topic: TOP TEN ways you can tell CBS & Dan Rather have lost their collective marbles.
10. They have new proof the Ten Commandments were forgeries.
9. The latest 'morale boosting' poll in their restroom shows Kerry leading in Zimbabwe 4 to 1.
8. Their reporting mantra is 'It may not be news but its new to you."
7. They practice journalistic integrity with a microsoft spell checker.
6. They have decided to elect Kerry for America.
5. They can detect a 'dimpled chad', but they can't detect 8 1/2" by 11" lies.
4. They have "protected sources" working in their front office.
3. They think the Black Eye is a good symbol for their network.
2. They think their ratings are just hurting from lower unemployment numbers.
1. They don't know why, but everyone else is always wrong!
Dan is hounding himself at press conferences.
Dan Rather was last seen screaming I am SuperScript Man!
CBS is hiding its time travel technology
Heh. From Laguna Beach, via the home office in Fresno...I strongly suspect that's one Top Ten that will never see the light of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
Wasn't there some item of Danny boy's defense that stated that even if they were fake they were still true .
This is SO good. I thought it was for real until I checked out the site.
You are talented.
Dan's nervous: Bernie Goldberg is warming up in the bullpen.
The documents must be authentic, because Kerry said he obtained them on one of his "Secret CIA Christmas Missions" to Cambodia.
I think the one about a black eye being a good symbol for CBS should have been number one.
Dan now getting hung up on by his homies Fidel and Saddam.
Thanks, but you just can't put the best one as the last one... Plus better ones are posting already!
Dan received Bush memo from Saddam during the interview.
Top Ten Reasons CBS Is The Best In The Business
10. Beats competition to punch by allowing documents to be reviewed by phone.
9. Breaks stories other agencies will be talking about for weeks.
8. Ten million Kerry supporter can't be wrong!
7. Three words: Kerning, Kerning, Kerning!
6. Still insist Piltdown Man is key to human history.
5. Next exclusive is interview with man who fed a thousand ducks one at a time to the rest until only one was left.
4. Only organization to uncover proof Nixon was President in 1968!
3. Interviews with purchasers have them working on story about potential for numberous claims of ownership of Brooklyn Bridge.
2. Found new relevance for phrase, Pardon My French!
And the number one reason CBS is the Best in the Business ...
1. They actually voted against airing report on forged documents before they voted for it!
New book!
"Vote the Democratic Party Ticket:
How to beome a CBS affiliate."
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